Sunday, April 30, 2006


Dear CNN
a two second crowd shot of the rally for Darfur? That's it? What the hell is wrong with you?
Darfur is news. Genocide is news. I want to hear and see what people are doing and you can't be bothered?

I don't give a shit about illegal Mexicans. If they get arrested, not arrested I don't care. I don't care if they get beat for a few bucks by crappy bosses. They chose to enter a country illegally, they weren't herded across the border at the point of a gun while their mothers, daughters and wives were viciously gang raped. They made an educated gamble that life would be better in the US and you know what? They were right. Good for them. Who cares?

I love the fact that they holding rallies and supporting each other..Not something they did for each other in Mexico though was it? Now they enjoy all kinds of rights and freedoms and they are exercising them..So what? Why is this news?

A single lonely rally for the dead and dying gets overshadowed by a bunch of whining assholes complaining that they don't like the laws of the country they entered illegally....AMazing.

CNN falls for it, wraps itself in coverage..everything to get viewership, we are not a news organization dammit..we are a business, here to make money and we will feed the public the pablum of their choice.

I'm tired already. I cannot imagine how tired the women of Darfur are.
Think about them as they go out tonight to gather wood, think about them as they dodge the patrols and try to avoid a vicious gang rape that will cost them their husbands and sometimes their life. Think about them when you brush your teeth with cold running water, have that last hot cup of tea with fresh milk. Think about them when you climb into bed and pull up those crisp cotton sheets and that lovely down comforter. Know that for the families of Darfur all that is lost.
Have a little sorrow in your heart for all that they have lost and will continue to lose.
Write a letter, call a blog about Darfur and their awful losses, it's the very least you can do don't you think?

Saturday, April 29, 2006


Here is a really cool thing we all can do to save lives in Africa. Malaria is on the rise and killing 200,000 children a year. Malaria is spread by mosquito's..For about a dollar per child we can send nets impregnated with child safe insecticide. The children sleep under the nets safe from mosquito bite.
Right now the UN and donor countries are involved in a mammoth measles immunization drive across Africa. We need to give each child a mosquito net and a measles shot.
Jeffrey D Sachs has a nonprofit The Millennium Promise that is accepting sponsorship. How about sending him a few bucks?
Saving Muslim children makes us heroes..It's really hard to hate a country that is working to save your most prized family members.
George Bush is pushing the malaria project, call your local representatives and ask how you can help the President.
Because my Prime Minister seems to never speak about anything I have no idea what Canada's role is on the project other than the typical Canadian response "oh yes, we believe in it strongly"never giving any hint that any ACTION is happening.
I continue to ask around but I don't expect much response other than platitudes. At least we are paying our UN dues and contributing some cash.

The UN has announced it has to cut the food rations of the refugees of Darfur because all the countries that said they were going to contribute money never sent a check. Assholes every one. It's always this way..The world has a crisis and all the UN members yell throw money at it and no one ever gives up a dime. Pay your bills already! People are starving because you can't find your checkbook.

I have an awful feeling that nothing will change in Africa unless real people become involved, not countries and governments..Real people who stand on the sidewalk every where and scream out the names of the dead and dying.
Stop thinking about Iraq and immigration and gas prices, they aren't problems that must be solved today. Darfur must be solved today . Every day that goes by means we don't care, it means that genocide no longer means anything.

Hitler stands before you, his name has changed but his actions are the same. Remember that game we all played? The game when someone asked if Hitler stood before you what would you?
Now is the time to put your plan into action or was that all bs?

Friday, April 28, 2006

words of love

Hi! Hi! Hi pretty new car , I love you.
I really love you and your perky engine, pretty paint and your cool, kinda heavy doors that sort of close by themselves with that cool satisfying thunk sound.

I always feel a little freaked out when I buy big stuff, the stuff that requires people from the bank and signing papers and credit checks.
After the big moments I usually get a little anxious and depressed but not this time. I am just really happy.
Next step..a house..oh lordy I feel a little nauseated......maybe no house yet.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Honoring the blog title

Oh hell.
I bank at a credit union. Ofcourse I am an idiot but it's a work related thing, meaning I had no other choice if I wanted to get paid.
My credit union cancels debit cards without notifying anyone and then lies their ass off that they actually did notify people. So a few thousand employees incandescent with rage line up in front of the credit union to get new cards.
The credit union doesn't mention to anyone that they have placed a limit on all the cards. The limit? 250 dollars a day. Yup, that's right.
I didn't notice until I had to withdraw the money for my new car. Ofcourse the credit union is closed and the web site doesn't work.
My new car that I can't get until I come up with the cash downpayment because no one with half a brain will accept a cheque is being held up because my credit union is staffed by paranoid nutters that believe people never need their money.
Then the bank lady calls and the deal we had last week now comes with all kinds of weird conditions that make my head hurt.
This is my life.
I can never just do something. Drama must always accompany every transaction.

On the topic of my health? It appears my immune system is on vacation. Worse, I have no excuse for my immune systems vacation. I have no life threatening viruses that would decimate it. I have consistently tested negative for the big ones for years. I am still negative.
I am very happy to know I don't have HIV or hepatitis but I am scared that something insidious is working here.
I cannot throw off this fever. I feel that my innards and brain are being gently cooked, simmered over time.
I have been radiated and blood has been drawn..I have taken my drugs ..
I feel feverish and glassy. I am unable to sleep because lying down causes such a violent shortness of breath I feel as if I am drowning.
My doctor just grunts now. My boss seems bored and disinterested. I get that but still after this many years you would think her ears would perk up when one of her employees has been away for two weeks. I imagine she is terribly busy and the loss of one person is hardly a big deal.
I guess I am feeling a bit sorry for myself........
I just want to feel well. I just want to buy my car without anymore hassle.
I just want the world to stop fucking with me for a little while so I can catch my breath and get us all back on an even footing.
Think some happy thoughts for me if you can spare them.

I really hope everyone watched Oprah today. I hope the name Darfur is etched into everyones mind. Go to and see what you can do. I have looked everywhere but I cannot find anything about Toronto. I would happily lay down on the cold concrete for a night if it woke people up to the genocide of Darfur.
I think GENOCIDE deserves all caps...yes, I am yelling.
Here,I sit, bitching and moaning about my dumb bank, my car and my health and a woman in a Chad refugee camp was just gang raped on her way to get wood.
It makes my worries small. I have a doctor, I have medicine,I have access to some of the best hospitals in the world.....they have nothing.

I have my small worries and some days they scare and overwhelm me. Other days I remember I am the luckiest woman in the world.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Wasting time

I can't believe I just watched Greys hour of clips..a clip show for goodness sake..
Why didn't I turn the channel? I don't know. I kinda wanted to but something just stopped me. Some tiny part of my brain kept whispering if you turn the channel you'll miss the cool ending. Because there has to be a cool ending right? right?
Just some more clips.

I was really disappointed with the Sopranos tonight. I hate stunt casting. I thought Lauren Bacall was awful. She read her lines off a cue card and her rhythm was completely off from Kingsleys. It was like they were talking to other people. Hilariously I saw Fez in the credits and I don't remember seeing him at all. I didn't like the oh look celebrities get ridiculous amounts of expensive crap diatribe. What are you bitching about?
I didn't like seeing Christopher knock over Bacall for a couple of was stupid and unbelievable. Bacall carrying a giant basket of shit to her own limo? Please. These people have servants and publicists, the limo comes to them and they aren't wandering dark alleyways with no security in sight.
Last weeks Sopranos was so good and this week? Crap. I don't care about Artie. I know he is what Tony should have been..the counter to the mob but I also know no junior member of a crew would rip off the bosses friend. To do this would invite certain death. It just would never have happened and I find it really irritating. Identity theft and credit card theft isn't bullshit, it can invite the FBI into the mix and Tony should have beat that little weasel within an inch of his life.

Oh well, it can't all be good television.

Friday, April 21, 2006


I think Sean Penn is an asshole, a humourless, boring, talentless asshole. There, I said it and I don't care. You can come to my house you little bugger, I'm not afraid of a three foot tall gnome.
There was a time when I thought Sean Penn was kind of cool. He beat up stalkerazzi and when his house burned down he lived in a trailer while they rebuilt.
But he became sanctimonious.
He couldn't just do stuff, he had to talk about stuff. He couldn't spend a little money helping some people who needed it, he had to politicize his shit. He made the people he was helping his shills. He didn't help them because he thought it was the thing to do. He helped them because he wanted to make a statement.
I believe that helping is the statement. Doing something "good" in front of a reporter and a photographer is ass. Using needy people to demonstrate how right you are about your beliefs is a form of manipulation. These people don't give a shit if you are a conservative or a liberal, they want and need help and they don't care what your voting record is.
I guess when you got pissy at the Oscars is when I realized hey! this guy has become a little prick that thinks his opinion is the only correct version. It was the priggish condescension that pissed me off.
And then I watched the Interpreter. Sean Penn is a shit actor. I have not always been a fan of Nicole Kidman, she married Tom Cruise which puts her on a list of very suspect people for me but she can act. She is talented because she understands that we only need a tiny touch, the understatement of emotion is a pretty potent weapon on the big screen. Sean Penn is an emotional screamer. He over expresses so much it becomes parody. He has become Al Pacino.
He ticks and frowns and grimaces so much I want to smack him. What's worse is I know in his smug little brain he is thinking that bitch can't act. Look at me acting all over the place and that Nicole can't keep up. Sean, she kicked your ass and exposed you for the Inside the Actors Studio asshole you are.
Sadly, the movie sucked ass even with Nicole doing her best. She should have shot the guy right in the eye and Sean's character should have held him for her.

I did like how it tried to shine a light on the issues of Africa despite the over dramatics.
The situation is dire and nobody with any power gives a shit.
The people of Darfur and Chad and hell fifty percent of Africa are all going to die and we are all going to stand by and watch, yawning our way through another genocide.
The events in New Orleans parallel this event. They were poor mostly uneducated black people unable to access any resources. They were terrified that if they left their homes they would be robbed blind. They believed that no one cared about what happened to them. They were right.
They were left to die.
New Orleans was Darwinism at it's most frightening. Those that had access to resources survived. The fittest survived. I had thought we were a little too damn civilized to behave like this but obviously not. The rich made a run for it and didn't even think about anyone but themselves. The middle class did the same. The poor tried to help each other the best they could and they suffered horribly.
The priviledged white society told themselves it was completely acceptable to round up the poorest among them and house them in a football stadium like cattle. The rich were pleased with the "fix". Hell, they thought all we have to do is buy a couple of cases of water and they'll be fine until we get back. They treated the poor exactly the same way they treat their goddamn pets. Leave little Trixie some kibble and a bowl of water while they go off for a few days..It'll be fine!
They shoved them into that stadium because it was cheap. To arrange for buses and ambulances, housing, food and clothes? That would cost a fortune. Let's just put them in that "cool" stadium while we run for our lives.
So we have put all the refugees into camps, giant outdoor stadiums and we have put up a few bucks for water, then we washed our hands of it all and walked away.
Nice .
The world is a round ball. We all live on it.
The minute we decide that it's okay to ignore genocide we have become less than human.
it's not a religious thing, it's not a political thing..It's a human thing.
If I was starving and running for my life while being chased by raping murderers I would hope someone would give a shit.

where the hell is Oprah and Dr Phil and Bill Gates in this mess? Why aren't the wealthiest goddamn people in the world standing up and screaming their heads off?
Bill Clinton is silent along with all the political elite. I don't get it at all.
All I can do is yell in my little voice Darfur, darfur, Darfur you motherfuckers DO SOMETHING.

Dear Iran,
I get that you feel a little ignored and kinda slighted. I get that you tried pretty damn hard to make friends with the US for a few years there and they gave you the finger. But, take a deep breath here. Just because some ass like George Bush was rude doesn't mean you go bonkers and start trying to build a bomb.
It's George Bush dissing you. Why should you care at all?
You have a cool economy going on, the oil thing is working out okay. Relax okay?
I think it's just fine if you want to work with Russia on getting a nuclear power thing going on but you do remember Chernobyl right? Are you sure Russia is the right guy for the job?
Why don't you give Canada a call? We are doing okay with the nuclear thing and so far it's been pretty safe. We could give you some pointers and help you chill a bit. A ton of Iranians live here so you will have friends to hang with.
You need to stop getting all offended and defensive when some goofball starts with the shit okay? Chilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll already. You have seen what a damn mess George has made of Iraq, do what the rest of us are doing. Keeping our heads down and waiting for him to get his ass kicked out of office. It's only two years, damn..patience already.
We have to live right beside the idiot and you don't see us ranting and raving about building a bomb and blowing shit up do you? It's because we know Americans change their minds every eight years, like clockwork. If you don't like the president don't worry about it, there is a new guy right around the corner.
Try to be cool okay?

Dear United Nations Security Council
How about trying to help?
How about arresting dictators and chilling out Iran over there?
If you can't help why do you exist? Why do you talk, talk, talk and do nothing?
Why are you all so scattered? You can't finish one thing before you are on to another, always talking and talking and talking.
Shut up and do something.

Is it my obligation as a Canadian to adopt a polar bear? Am I going to have to grow seals to feed them? Is it our problem or the worlds problem? Does anyone care?
I like polar bears and if I have to pay an extra buck to keep them alive and fed I'll do it. It will make me cry that Polar bears will be welfare recipients but better that than dead and gone.
Funny that I am concerned about polar bears but the Inuit slip my attention. I guess I think they have a chance to adapt and evolve and find their way in a changing world with help and compassion. The polar bear can't apply for a student loan and train to be brown bear. It's hard to convince an animal that they can't do what they have been doing for a thousand years anymore. They like seals, ice and really cold water....converting them to fish, berries, blackflies and hot summers isn't going to be that easy.
The Inuit can understand what is happening, they may hate it but at least they can plan and strategize...polar bears can't access the weather network.Even if they could I don't think they would get the message.

The one thing I have to admit is I like the fact that really harsh Canadian winters may be a thing of the past. That's awful isn't it?
I know that despite my personal yeah! we aren't covered in ice for six months personal beliefs climate change must be halted. I cannot unilaterally decide that not freezing my ass off is a good thing.
The world needs snow and ice. I hate being frozen but the land loves the water. The spring melt off is the water we drink, the water that keeps us all alive. I have to freeze my butt off because the alternative is disaster...
Selfishness is what has driven us to this point. It's time to stop thinking about my butt and start thinking about that polar bears butt.

On a lighter note..I bought a car! It's as cute as a button and gets really great mileage.
My doctor says I am almost better, a few more days and I will be as good as new and back to work for me...sigh.

Check out Sludgie for highlights on the environment this week.
Think about what you want the world to look like ten years from now.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Part 3

Jim finally arrived with my money. I had to threaten them with the cops and a civil suit to get it. The absolutely certifiable crazy general manager of a Ford dealership heard screaming in the background "give the bitch her money, we don't need her money, tell that bitch Jim is coming to her house with the money." Yes, the general manager. I couldn't resist calling back and asking him "was that you screaming obscenities in the background?" He said yes...
Ford knows it is staggering towards bankruptcy but it still employs freaks. I can honestly say I will never buy a ford product ever and I will tell ever person I know that Ford sucks and will, if given a chance screw the hell out of you just for a laugh.
I know this because Ford of Canada absolutely bailed on helping me. It whined that it wasn't responsible..They sold their Ford cars to a Ford dealership and Ford just cannot get involved with Ford. Dicks all of them.

Thank you makers of the Zpack. What a friendly, happy little antibiotic that made feel much better you are . To the makers of that crappy penicillin rip off..thanks for adding a week of hell to my life. A week! damn days of coughing and panting and dripping nose, sore are lucky I am not the vengeful sort you little buggers.

Thank you to my doctor who has persevered even though you thought sedation might be the better route. I am glad you didn't shove me into the hospital for a week even though you threatened it. I promise to never touch anything with my hands ever again. I will wear gloves everywhere I go and if I take them off ,even for a moment, to de prune my skin I promise to wash my bare hands vigorously, like an OCD patient vigorously, I promise. I may use bleach.

I have changed my toothbrush twice. I have washed all my linen and all my clothes. I have germicided the family. I think I may wrap a plastic bubble around the house. I can never be that sick again.

The coyotes just ate something in the back field. I am sure it was a bunny. Bunnies scream like children. It is the most awful thing you can hear in the night. All you can do is run outside with the dogs barking and start yelling your head off in the hopes of giving the bunny a moments grace to make a getaway. But is that fair to the coyote? It has babies to feed, we can hear the babies yipping. Do they starve to let the bunny live?
I like them both, I just don't want to hear nature doing it's grim business. That is a terrible twenty first century cop out isn't it? I want the world to return to it's proper balance and balance means everybody's gotta eat. Death is grim and joyful in nature .
You can hear the coyote pups yipping with sheer excitement, it's food.
Poor bunny. It sucks to be food.

Hi there Chinese President guy!
Boy, you are a grim little bugger aren't you? I have some really bad news about all that oil and coal you are burning. It's going to make breathing a little weird for you. From what I can see you don't really care much and truly can the smog get any worse where you live? Heh..yes, it sure can. The weather may become a bit of a problem, nothing the communist party can't, well, you know, lie it's ass off about but you may need to get really creative. Something you guys aren't all that good at. No fear, just check out George Bush, he has been telling people for years it's just alarmist bs that scientists make up so they have something to talk about at conventions. Just follow his lead.
I may mention that when it gets really awful where you are , no, you can't move here. There isn't enough room anywhere for a billion people. What is wrong with you people? You live in a tightly controlled bordered country..Did you think we would just let you move into your neighbor's once you completely destroyed your place? It's like frat boys trashing a hotel room. Who the hell do you think is going to clean up after you? It's sure as hell isn't going to be God right?

Dear India and Pakistan
it's called birth control..What the hell is wrong with you? There is nothing more disgusting than seeing a country with ready access to ultrasound machines ignoring birth control. You abort or murder female children and yet you wont stop getting pregnant, constantly. Ten kids not enough, fifteen not like seeing your children starve, it's the only answer.
You wont stop procreating despite the fact you live in a tent, in a slum with no job, no health care and no education. Are you all morons? If you cannot feed yourself or your wife who did you think was going to feed your children? Were you expecting the baby boy fairy to show up with groceries and cash?
Half your population is breeding madly, the very same half that is so poor it cannot afford fucking shoes. I refuse to feel sorry for you. I have no sympathy at all. My honest hope for you is you abort all the girls, every damn one of them . No girls? No more babies. The end.
The baby girls are better of as their mothers are pathetic sadistic sad sacks that refuse to stand up and fight. The women of that society will happily make living torches of their daughters in law, they will beat and murder their female grandchildren. This is women murdering other women because they didn't produce a boy child to starve along side every one else.
The men will stand by and let their mothers murder their wives and children so they can remarry with a clean record. Where do you think the men learn this shit? Right at their sadistic mothers feet. Better no other girl child is ever born to them.
It's called laying in the bed you made..tough.

I have to stop watching documentaries. Every time I see what some of these people are doing I lose another pint of humanity.

Global warming can't get here soon enough for some of these places.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Dear rolley chair

I hate you. I hate the way you roll every time I move. I hate the way you slide back when I sit up. I hate you.

Dear idiot car salesman
GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY. Yes, they are still dicking around. Jim doesn't command enough respect from anyone to get a check signed. He is such a loser he can't ask, he just has to wait.."It's out of my hands" says Jim for the millionth time in his life.
I dislike you Jim because you are a loser and a liar. You lie to me every time you open your mouth.I am seeing the owner in the morning, I may bring a cop and a lawyer.

Oh Amazing race
why o why didn't you eliminate those idiots? They aren't goofy or funny. They are immature attention seekers with mommies that believed in attachment parenting and co bedding. This is what you get when you are a whacked out cult member of a parent..these two fake "hippy" assholes who believe everyone has to love them..their mommies said they were just great!.
Nice to see that someone who calls seeing someone for a grand total of four days a relationship demonstrating complete hate and disgust.
Meeting someone a thousand miles away and calling them once or twice a week with three weekends a year visitation is called insanity .Or dating an incarcerated serial killer.
It's not a relationship, it's barely a friendship. The Race is not for two semi strangers who slept together that once last year.It's for people who know each other. If you know each other you can make adjustments, you will know when your partner has had it with you and you will know enough to shut the hell up. Knowing someone means you don't have to be right all the time, they can be right sometimes too, or better yet you can both be wrong together and it wont be the end of the world.
You are a fool to pretend you are having a "relationship" with a complete stranger and you are a bigger fool to drag that non relationship on to a game show that depends on you knowing your partner intimately.

I think I hate everything today. I am blaming it on the new antibiotics and Jim.And all car dealerships.

Monday, April 17, 2006

My friend Jim Part II

Oh God.
I am exhausted. I am sick as a dog .I cannot hear and have an infected eye and my strep just keeps on going so trying to buy a truck is killing me.
Barry the maniac financial services guy never called nor did my illiterate friend Jim so I called them. Ofcourse no one had done anything at all. I started the day telling these idiots they had one hour to tell me a yes or no answer. They howled like I had stabbed them in the heart. Much wailing about how they had done only their very best for me blah, blah bullshit cakes. I told them to put up or shut up and then hung up.
Nothing for two hours, not a damn thing. I call back and tell them to shove the deal up their ass sideways and give me back my money. I then got SCREAMED at . Barry the maniac starts screaming his head off, I can hear the spit hitting the phone.
I tell him to shut up and fuck off and then I hang up.
I then called Ford of Canada and lodged a formal complaint.
So a few hours later the unfortunate Jim calls back. He is now sad, unhappy even.He feels slighted. He wants to know what he did wrong.
I cannot, will not do this. Where will I start? With the fact that he cannot read or write ? That would be too cruel, with the fact he never once picked a phone to tell me what the hell was going on? Why bother?
Jim wants me to pat him on the head and call him a good doggy and fuck Jim, He was an incompetent ass that forgot I existed the minute I signed the papers.
Why do people do this? They screw up and then want you to absolve them, tell them it's all okay. I have the impression that Jim has pulled this shit his whole life.He has perfected the hangdog tone, the poor me I have no control over anything..Don't blame me I didn't understand...I hate these people.
It seems the world is now full of them. They offer you anything, they bullshit like they are superstars, everyone bending to their every whim but every time they get caught it's never their fault. All that bullshit never happened. Barry never heard himself say:" I can get anyone a deal. I have had people rejected, completely rejected with bankruptcies even and I talked with the bank and worked things out. You have nothing to worry about. Your credit history is great. Don't worry, I have everything under control."..That's Barry..bullshit, bullshit... then he gets caught and it's not his fault.
Barry screams his head off over the phone, giving the little lady a good telling off for actually demanding service. What a complete asshole.

All I wanted to do was buy a ford truck. Now all I want to do is tell everyone I know Ford sucks ass.
So, my husband went out to look elsewhere as I was too damn sick to move. Once again he hits the wall.
He asks a simple question..There are two prices for every vehicle..The listed price and the price the dealership is willing to accept. My husband asks "what is the price of this truck?" and the dipshit says he will have to come in and write out an "offer" with a credit card deposit.
See you can't even offer to buy unless you PAY for the priviledge.
What a load of horseshit.
You want to make an offer? Give us five hundred bucks and we'll consider it. See they get the money and earn interest on it immediately even when the deal isn't done. It's a scam to trap you and force you to accept a bad deal..they HAVE YOUR MONEY.
It's brilliant in an awful way.
I hate anyone who sells cars. I think everyone of you is a crook and a liar.
I hope that every time you lie it comes back on you like a plague.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Why didn't I think of that?

The bill for the cat was over two hundred dollars. The operation took ten minutes and used about five dollars of medications. When did the vet become a gangster ? Everyone talks about how awful it is that dogs and cats are euthanized regularly because owners can't afford them anymore. We can't afford them anymore because the vet is a crook.
Owning a pet is now a luxury. Used to be owning a dog or cat was something anyone could do, not anymore. Just to get a cat vaccinated once costs a hundred bucks because the vet needs to do an exam. Can we all agree the exam is a joke? The exam consists of the vet looking at the pet and giving them a grope. They listen to their breathing and their heart unable to hear a damn thing because cats purr loudly when upset. Dogs pant and squirm. The vet gets only a cursory two minute if that look at your pet. No blood work is included in this "exam" either.
They push the blood work because for a five dollar test they can charge you two hundred. I have seen for myself what the lab charges the vet, what the vaccine manufacturers charge, it would shock you how badly you are getting gouged.
It costs the vet five cents for a rabies shot, they charge you fifty. The markup is grotesque and there are no controls on your vet. They are given a guideline by the college and they mark that up fifty percent.
Don't even think about going to a University Hospital. They charge thousands of dollars for doing nothing at all but talking to you.

Farm pets work for their dinner, the cats catch the mice and the dogs keep the rodents and coyotes away from the livestock. They aren't house pets sitting around doing nothing all day waiting for some one to come home and put a leash on them and drag them around the neighborhood for ten minutes.
I need my pets healthy and non breeding. I don't have the luxury of keeping them indoors. I think it's fine to gouge the purse pet people. Anyone who shoves an animal into a bag and drags them around night and day needs to pay through the nose for the luxury but the rest of us shouldn't be bled dry.
These vets are boutique owners forcing prices up and up . They are responsible for the sad state of affairs in the shelter. If it was inexpensive to get your pet fixed and vaccinated a lot more people would do it.
Pet ownership is not just the right of the rich and the way vets are behaving makes me a little ill.

I wish I had become a vet, I would be a millionaire. Instead I look after people and I am broke all the time. The world is a strange place ain't it?

Friday, April 14, 2006

My friend Jim

My friend Jim the illiterate car salesman came by today to pick up the papers for the bank . Jim cannot do anything the easy way. Jim called me at the crack of dawn to confirm my address, I confirmed it and sleepily hung up. One hour later Jim called back to confirm the pickup time. I agreed it was fine and hung up. One hour later Jim calls back to tell me that his daughter who lives with her mother lives right near me and he was going to go visit his daughter today and since we lived so close he was going to drop by on his way to pick up those papers today if that was okay. He said this all in one breath like I was going to be thrilled about his day.
I asked Jim if he was the same Jim that had already called twice today. He cheerfully agreed he was that Jim. I said Jim, we have already agreed on a time today, come to my house at that time and stop calling me. I then hung up. I admit I was a bit pissed.
Jim, because he is the worst car salesman ever, calls me right back.
I ask him "what do you want now Jim?"
He says "I am five minutes away, I'll be right there."
The agreed upon time was hours away. It was nine o'clock AM, I was in my pj's and unwashed and exhausted from a phone that had not stopped ringing.
I asked Jim what the hell was he talking about and he said I already told you, I am going to see my daughter, she lives right by you...
I was struck dumb. These idiots just don't care. I said come on then and hung up. In an exact re-enactment the damn guy was at the front door as I put the phone down..he must have been in my driveway the whole time just like how he was waiting behind the door the day before.
He knocked , I opened the door handed him the papers and closed the door .

Five minutes later the phone rang, it was Jim asking for directions to his daughters house.
I couldn't help it, I should have told him to bugger off but I couldn't. I gave him some half assed directions and hung up.

I want to buy this truck but I don't need to buy this truck, it seems everyone is having truck sales right now. I get that no one wants a truck anymore but I cannot get around not having a truck. Farming without a truck is impossible. I got flexfuel for the day alternate fuels are available but trucks just don't come in hybrid. I think someone should get on that quickly and I will buy one . The only "truck" that is a hybrid isn't a truck at all, it's a SUV and you can't put fifty bales of straw in a SUV.
I wish they would stop classifying SUVS with trucks.They have nothing in common. SUVS are just bullshit high end buses. I don't think anyone but a farmer or a tradesperson should have a truck, trucks shouldn't be pleasure vehicles. They are not fuel efficient. Can't be avoided for now. We will get a proper little hybrid for going to work when I can afford it. We are not wealthy enough to be a two car family. Right now the farm has to come first so we can feed everyone.

I was trolling my favorites this evening and I couldn't find anything interesting except dooces hilarious outing of her hate mail. I wanted to say I can't believe that shit but I can.
I have seen and read some of the craziest crap imaginable lately.
I followed a link to a weekly advice column about sex and the "how did that happen" letters. I laughed at first but then it made me a little sad.
People writing to a complete stranger about accidently peeing on themselves and finding it really really sexy, people shoving things in holes they really shouldn't have invaded, sad girls complaining about sad boys with tiny dicks...
I know these people exist.They exist at the margins and it's sad. People agreeing to castration because they have a fantasy that must be fulfilled and the horrible people that agree to operate without medical licenses. I can only wonder at how awful their lives must be, how terrible their sadness when they can only find pleasure or acceptance by mutilating their bodies or someone else's.
I don't understand S&M or fetishes. I have watched KINK and all I can say is why are they all ugly people? Not unattractive, damn ugly. The one alpha male acts like he is king, hotter than Brad Pitt and I gag at his greasy hair stuck to the side of his scabby balding head. He has women fighting for the right to be beaten by him. They call it prettier names but to me it's some creepy guy beating on a woman. The women are all bizarre.They stuff hundreds of extra pounds into leather assless chaps and grin madly. They think they are hot. They are so delusional they can't see what the rest of us see, some ridiculous fat woman playing dressup with her ass hanging out.
Maybe I cannot see their beauty because I find it hidden by their lack of esteem, for themselves and others. I think most of us would react one way when someone asked us to beat them , we would ask them what's wrong and how could we make them feel better about themselves. These people just start hitting, whipping or mutilating no questions asked.
They believe the act of asking for pain is consent to give pain instead of trying to find a way to relieve that persons need for infliction of pain.
They convince themselves that pain is sexual. Sex should never be about pain. Pain is pain. The relief of pain is pleasure. They believe that relief can be sexual and I think that's awful and sad.
What is worse is most of these people are sad and lonely, social misfits looking for a safe place. I can see why they landed into this deviant group. They were so desperate for caring and family they looked for a place that couldn't call them names. How can someone dressed in a dog collar getting whipped by a huge fat woman in assless chaps stop and make fun of someone else?
It's a community that lets anyone in and that is an easy sell for someone who feels depressed, lonely and ostracized.Hell getting smacked, beaten or whipped is a small price to pay for friends for some.
It just makes me feel sad.

Some of the medical blogs are damn funny though. It's not the medical problem that is funny it's the "how did that happen?" that can be hilarious. I can see how the gerbil in the ass story got started but not how Richard Gere got connected to it because people will put anything in their ass. I am not kidding, the newest addition was a nail file. Who in their right mind would send that in? It's pointy and sharp but people have put in lightbulbs, childrens toys (Barbie and Ken are favorites) kitchen implements and food. Lots of fruit been sent in the wrong way.
The problem ofcourse is getting things back out. Most of the time it's really not a problem and if people hadn't panicked they could have saved the humiliating trip to the ER but some cause permanent life changing problems.
No matter how curious you are keep non-approved things out of your butt. There are sex toy shops everywhere, online and off..pick something off that menu okay and leave the fruit alone.
We will laugh at you, we can't help yourself and us the indignity. The butt doctors shouldn't be getting rich off of your insatiable, usually drunken curiosity.

I have to stop following these links, they always seem harmless at first and next thing you know you have learned way too damn much about butts.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Oh woe is me

The continuing saga of buying a damn Ford truck.
My husband now to be renamed crazed impulse shopper guy or husband drags me out at the literal crack of dawn.His mad reasoning is we have to drop the cat off to get spayed early anyway so why should we make a second trip out at a reasonable hour.
We go straight to a Ford Dealership because I made the mistake of calling about a truck a week earlier and now the salesguy calls every day and my husband hysterically believes this means the salesman wants to help us.
My husband makes one trip around the lot and promptly falls madly in love with the Ford truck he must have. He sends me in to make the deal because even he knows he would give them anything they want.
I talk them down a thousand and a little more on our trade in. It all seems wonderfully easy. Way too easy. First sign of trouble..the salesman can't read or write. I'm not kidding. he couldn't spell science nor health, he made me read him the questions on the application and then I spelled out the answers for him. It took about a half hour, it was a one page form that should have taken five minutes at most.
There was some awkward grinning all along, some high fives when it was done and then he disappeared into the "business" office.
He disappeared for an hour. I was quickly falling out of love with the truck and the process but my husband who is well known for his terrible and sometimes terrifying lack of patience can't stop grinning madly as if he just hit the lotto.
Finally I get up and speak to the receptionist . I tell her the salesman has five minutes to get out here and explain what the hell is taking so long or we are leaving.
Ten seconds later here he is!. They can't get the computer to work.".heh heh it's a new program, we haven't had much practice..won't be a minute okay? Another twenty minutes and another quick update "seems to be working..we think..won't be another minute!" Forty minutes later.."come on in, we are waiting for you!"
I sarcastically said "well I've been sitting right here without a coffee, a paper, or a newspaper for almost two damn hours" They both grinned that nervous I am so full of bullshit grin all really bad sales guys get. I got that creepy you have been getting screwed behind a closed door get the hell out of here feeling. It was quickly confirmed when our new best friend Barry hands us the bill of sale and begins speaking faster than the speed of sound. The first thing I noticed was the sale price was not the sales price I agreed to.
I told him to stop and pointed it out and the dance? she had begun. Barry tapdanced as poorly as I have ever seen a car salesman dance, he was either new or severely under the weather.
I said we were leaving and to say good-bye to our salesman for us.
We didn't know it but our salesguy? Right outside the door..he was Mr Apology, it was all his fault, he hadn't made the deal official with his boss.
The next quick step" let me take the deal to my boss and get it okayed.. I said nope, we are leaving. I tried valiantly to make a run for it but once again that impulse buy guy stood there transfixed by the sight of the shiny truck. He gave them enough time to urge us back into the business office. Ofcourse the deal was just fine the boss said as he galloped in, they obviously have a holy crap we are losing the sale panic button under the desk. I had my suspicions this wasn't the boss but at this point I knew all was lost. That guy I married wanted that truck, no other truck would ever make him all warm and squishy inside.
The deal was made.
Now I have financed automobiles before and I know exactly what the bank wants and I had it all with me. I gave it to business guy, the man that talks to the bank and makes all the deals..all of them..every last deal must go through him. He told me they didn't need all my silly look at the little woman all overreacting like she knows something about buying a truck..awww she's so damn cute.
I gritted my teeth. I knew the bank would need this stuff.
We went home with our happy business/salesman chirping he would call us in the morning to tell us when we could pick up the truck.
Well you can guess what happened. No phone call all morning. I finally called him..
Here is the unabridged story of why I don't have my truck, as told by a guy who speaks very loudly, very angrily and really, really fast.
"I sent your paperwork by computer because we do everything by computer because it's the twenty first century you know and that is how everything is done and the guy, he works at home because no one needs to work in an office anymore because everything can be done by computer and I emailed him and I got an email back that he was going to call me and when he called me I was at lunch so my voice mail told him that so I called him back when I got his voice mail but I just got his voice mail so I emailed him and you know it's not just you I have had a really busy morning and I have three people just like you waiting to hear back from this guy so I can put all of you in new vehicles because I know how desperate eveyone wants to be in a new vehicle and you are just going to have bear with me because there is nothing I can do the bank is holding us all hostage."

I said yeah, whatever how much longer?
His reply, angry, damn angry "look I have told you everything I can tell you and you are just going to have to wait just like everyone else is going to have to wait."
I said " I don't have to wait, cancel the deal and fuckoff"
silence, crickets chirping...I can hear the guy breathing and the deluge of I am doing everything I can begins.
My response is great, do it faster and call me by four and I hang up. Hilariously I now get calls from everyone at the dealership..why do you only get any positive attention when you tell them to piss off?
Four o'clock and the call that is still making me foam at the mouth or laugh my ass off, depending on the expression on my lovestruck husbands face....
"Hi! ummm it's Barry? from Ford? and ummm those papers you brought in for the bank? The bank needs them?
"Come and get them Barry, we'll be here all day tomorrow."
"Okay!. umm sorry? Bye!.

It's a holiday weekend, we wont get the truck till Tuesday. I hope my husband can maintain his love till then.

I hate car dealerships and no Barry we don't want rust protection, it's a new truck Barry it has rust protection, no Barry we don't needed an extended warranty , it's a new truck Barry, it has an extended warranty..Gawd Barry..Shut up.

CSI was utter crap tonight. I am starting to see that no one cares anymore on that show. The storylines are ridiculous and honestly a little racist I think. Grissom has become a walk on bit along with Sara. When did the bug guy all of a sudden become an expert at computer facial reconstructions? Sara used to do this and after her we had a secondary recurring character responsible for all sound and pictures. Sara is marginalized and I guess no one wanted to fork out a few bucks for Archie and Grissom has to have something to do right?
Warrick gets four lines, at least two involve his slowly dissolving marriage, a marriage no one cares about. In fact there isn't any storylines anymore..the characters are cutouts..anyone could be doing their work.
Would anyone care if the actors were switched out? Would we really even notice after an episode? I wouldn't , in fact I would be more interested if the old crew was fazed out for some new faces with lives and relationships. If you are too scared to create relationships with this bunch let's get new ones . I don't think the writers are anywhere near good enough to write a good backstory for these characters anyway, it would demand creativity.

Vanity fair

I have a love/hate relationship with Vanity Fair magazine. I hated the Hollywood issue. That cover of anemic skinny girls creeped me out. They looked prepubescent with ribs sticking and asses in the air and Tom Ford absurdly drooling on a girl. Cognitive dissonance.
I wish Annie Liebowitz would quit already.Her pictures have become boring and repetitive. Stars posed awkwardly wearing no clothes or millions of dollars of couture wear...Nothing in between, ever.
All the women of Vanity Fair are photographed as porcelain figurines , all their natural signs of humanity washed or more likely air brushed out. I don't get it. Is the "newborn" innocence thing all the rage?
Or has Vanity Fair just become lazy?
I know that a lot of the stars and I cannot tell you how much I hate that meaningless made up word organize and control every aspect of the photo shoot. Tom Cruise the egomaniac and obvious nutcase would never leave to chance how he looks. He has no problem sounding like he dumped his brain into the garbage but he doesn't want anyone to think he is ugly.
I am hoping Vanity Fairs' choice in photography is being controlled by the Hollywood monsters, at least it's an excuse of sorts.
What the hell is wrong with Jennifer Anniston? Fifteen years of normal likeable pictures thrown over for "look at me, look at me..I have boobs, can you see my boobs? oh please loook at me"
Her pictures are awful. Some people can relax and go with the half naked, hide the boobies with your hand, I am so damned sexy photo shoots. Jennifer Anniston is not one of those people. She oozes discomfort, she looks pained and uncomfortable, a fake "sexy" smile plastered on. I feel uncomfortable on her behalf and I can't stand her...hmmm maybe that's the goal..the sympathy vote.
I wish she had kept her mouth shut about her divorce. No divorce happens in a vacuum.It takes two people to have a marriage or not have one. If you are so dumb you think a marriage can survive seeing each other for two or three weeks every five or six months then you get what you deserve. You both made a choice, you picked career over each other and you reaped what you sowed.
I don't want to know about this stuff, I don't want to see you in my magazine half naked looking miserable. Leave me alone.

This months Vanity Fair was the "green" issue. Okay, so the heart? In the right place. George Clooney buys a goofy car and he gets the cover? Ten points off. A multi page essay from what's his name that guy who lost the election to George Bush? Okay, he has been an environmentalist a long time and I agree he has been right a lot but he was a two term vice president and didn't get anything done. He had the best opportunity of anyone and he bagged it without a fight. Hard to use him as your go to guy..sorry Al.
No more Bono, he has a big mouth but nothing behind the rhetoric. He hasn't spent a dime of his own millions to help so shut up rich guy that would rather buy another pair of nifty sunglasses.
His wife is actually the more interesting of the two. She has created a cool business that creates jobs in third world countries..she buys stuff and pays them real money..what a fabulous concept.

From what the scientists are saying we have moved past the point of no return and we will have to accept some climate change. Oceans will be bigger and we need to get moving quickly on returning and restoring our wet lands. We will have to move a little further inland. We will have to create a responsive and responsible emergency services department. All these things are doable. We will be able to adapt and change and that is what we are very,very good at.
The biggest thing we need to do is stop creating greenhouse gases pretty damn quickly.
Everyone knows what a tipping point is. When we have broke the camels back..that last stick in pickup sticks. If we keep ignoring the problem we will melt the Greenland Ice..Ice reflects heat back into the air, if the ice disappears the sun will be blazing down on ocean..dark,dark ocean. Just like black t-shirts absorb heat so does a dark ocean...We don't want to heat up the water....water expands when it gets warm. Warm water warms more starts melting every where..what happens when your ice cubes melt in your drink?
You don't get less too drink.
I really have no interest in having to paddle a canoe to work here guys.
Buy a car that gets a little better mileage, ask that your car be a flex fuel design so you can use ethanol . Just think when all the shit hits it? You will be driving your cool hybrid/ethanol while everyone else is walking.
It will make you popular!
Plant a few trees when you think about it. There are actually some cool web sites that link to greenpeace that will plant a tree for you according to how big your carbon footprint is.
You don't have to strap yourself to a tree and eat trail mix from a reusable cloth bag to be doing a good thing.
No one is asking you to join greenpeace and throw yourself in front of a whaling ship( can you believe the Japanese are still killing whales so they can have good erections?) all you need to do is pick up your garbage, buy a car that helps you save a bunch of cash and plant a few trees.
If you want to go really crazy try buying your coffee from someone other than StarBucks. Check around and find a coffee shop that pays market value to the people that actually pick your coffee beans.
Remember poverty grows the bacteria that feeds something to help real people make a decent living and take them out of the hands of the people that would use them to blow people up.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A thought

After hearing about the gospel of judas I got to thinking about everything else the editors of the bible(s) decided didn't fit the message. I then wondered about who the editors were.
If we go by the premise that God spoke the words of the Bible what made the editors decide that God had maybe over talked and needed to be cut?.
I cannot image what a weird moment that would be in that business meeting.
"So..we have like fifty gospels here guys "
"yeah, we know "
"so, it's going to be a pretty big book and we all know the attention span of our customer is about three minutes"
"Well, lets start with the good stuff and then cut the repetitive . "
"You think? "
"Sure why not? "
"wont we get hit by lightening? "
"cause it says right here my god is an angry God"
"Well he says it fifteen times right? Lets just go for the once..they'll get it "
"Oh okay "
"Lets get rid of all this womanly crap, not like a woman is ever going to read this anyway".
"Right "
"What about this about Judas?"

"Listen we can't include that, we've got this cool he gives himself over to the bad guys storyline going..he is a martyr...a damn hero
We can't say he is a martyr if he gets his friend to get him killed..too much like suicide by Roman and no one likes that right?
It ruins the story if the guy completely orchestrates his death just so he can say I told you so to his friends..ruins all that mystic three times stuff he says to Paul or was that Peter? damn I always get them mixed up."
"Shouldn't we get rid of that gospel? I mean that guy can't be any good if he betrayed his leader three times and made him look like a moron".
"Well, we can't use that woman's stuff and this William is just too hard to understand, we dumped Judas..we are going to have to include some of it. Just write in that he was really sorry about what he did, it'll be fine..everyone loves repentance right?"

Who actually wrote these gospels anyway? We know the people named were dead for hundreds of years when the gospels were did they leave a few manuscripts around and one of the grandkids had a keen interest in writing found them? Maybe tweaked a few bits here and there? Then what?
Did they take their newly polished "memoir" of grampa to a friend at church?..did they get together and search basements and attics cobbling together bits and pieces of old letters from mom,dad,gramma,grampa finally knitting together what they think they may have said about this guy they knew?
The memoirs of Jesus may be as fraudulent as a million little pieces, not his fault though. He may be a victim of well meaning friends of friends of friends. A funny game of telephone gone horribly awry.
Because if Jesus had a friend who was gay would anyone believe that would make the editors cut? If Jesus got married, like everyone else did, wouldn't that ruin the story of a selfless, lonely persecuted man?
If he had a wife and two kids and he arranged his own death so he could be remembered as a martyr to his beliefs that would change how we feel about him wouldn't it?
It would a little selfish, a little manipulative and that isn't how anyone wants to feel when they are searching for meaning in their life.

Ultimately I think faith is faith. Either you believe in the message or you don't. I don't think you need to believe the bible, in fact I think the bible is the readers digest of the history of Christianity and should be treated with a fair amount of contempt.
I never trust anything that is written by a committee of people with everything invested in the outcome.

I think we should start looking for all those gospels that got cut, maybe do a little tweaking of our own and publish the all new New Testament...the one where everyone is incuded...even that gay friend Jesus used to work with at the chair factory.

well that is just great

I have resistant strep. That is not a good thing to have. Anyone who has ever had strep can tell you regular strep sucks, the resistant kind sucks even harder let me tell you.
Since I am sick and vulnerable the car took the opportunity to eat the transmission. It's time to buy a new truck..Tomorrow.
I am dreading it. I hate feeling like I have no backup plan and I am going to be stuck with whatever we can find. I wanted to save up a downpayment and do lots of research. Now all I can do is scramble and hope for the best.
I cannot believe my car has done such a thing.It is such a disloyal sneaky damn thing to do. I have always been kind to that car. I have praised it and called it pretty.
I was going to keep it around and fix all its little wrongs but now? Hell no you cannot do this to me and expect to be are the trade in baby!
stop looking at me like that..I'm not the one that refuses to change gears alright...


I have a few very favorite blogs. The kind that make you think and make you laugh. I guess we all do. Occasionally I will sift through their linked sites. I always think I will love them, I will love what they are reading and sometimes I am right and I add a new blog to the favorites .
Sometimes I am wrong. I will be reading and laughing thrilled to find a new author. To be honest I will be feeling a little smug, thinking about how I sure can find them!
Then I will stop and reread the post I thought I was enjoying . I reread that last sentence and realize with horror that this person is a freak flying under the radar.
It always makes me laugh.
People always reveal themselves little by little. It is always a little shocking and sometimes really, really funny.
My favorite is when I think the author is a just like me.Talking about work, kids, the state of the world, how they love Jesus (huh?) they have 23 cats (oh no) they are in a three way lesbian/hetero marriage with two kids carried by surrogate mothers who they see every Saturday, Satan controls their television, they voted for George Bush twice and are planning on voting for Jeb!
I guess that is why I love following the links, I have no idea who I am going to meet.

I enjoy a lot of writers that are really not into eating meat. I thought they may become a little to religious about their veganism but so far it's been fine. I don't have too many issues with meat other than beef. I can't digest it so I am left with chicken. Chicken is okay, a little bland, a little boring not unlike chickens themselves. I cannot get worked up about chicken torture, sorry PETA and Pam but they're chickens.
Chickens will murder each other given half the chance . It doesn't take being in a crowded cage to make them do it either. If they don't like another chicken or there is a deformed, injured chicken around the rest of the gang will wander over and peck it to death. Chickens will practice cannibalism if you let them. They are dumb and mean and I don't have a moments guilt about eating them at all, hell I think they would happily eat you given the chance. They are in fact a lot like the worst of us and I don't have any sympathy for them either..
I don't eat veal. Veal is eating the product of torture. Every time I see some fatassed ignorant white guy chowing down on veal it makes me shiver. I believe if you eat veal you are inviting some truly awful event into your life.
I have problems with beef because large, ignorant corporations and their shareholders profit from it and cows destroy the land.
Their never ending need to clomp around destroys the topsoil, their need to eat grass pushes out natural grasses, wildflowers and trees. Cows create desert. Sheep are worse. Sheep rip the grass out by it's root, they eat anything and everything. They give nothing back and destroy the proper balance of nature.

What is even more disturbing is the new custom of bushmeat. I hate the term "bushmeat", let's call it what it is..eating primates on the endangered list. Local people never ate monkeys before the loggers came. The loggers opened up the forest, the jungle. The loggers brought the custom of eating red meat to people who ate fish. Their logging practices poisoned the water and the fish died. They bought up all the land that was once used for farming. They created a subculture that served the loggers needs. The loggers wanted meat and so the practice of serving up our biological cousins began.
People cry about cows, chickens and sheep and I agree that cows and sheep are harmful but why doesn't anyone protest the eating of the monkeys?
PETA needs to stop worrying about chickens and put some of that Pam Anderson cash behind creating sustainable farming and helping to support governments that outlaw eating primates.

I am still fighting the crud. I seem to be just another one of a million victims. Maybe we all have bird flu! AHHH the pandemic arrived and nobody noticed, well except for us whiners begging for another cup of tea and some Fisherman's Friends, lord they are good and nasty. I have never read the ingredients but I wouldn't be surprised if eye of newt was in there.

Sunday, April 09, 2006


So two nutcase replies. The first was so bizarre I had to laugh. "Jean" is now denying any responsibility for the whacked out post at Ah Yes Medical School but a quick trip over to her blog states two writers contribute and one is Estelle. I have no idea if this is one person flaming under different names but it made me laugh as the flamer used both addresses. Now one side of the split personality has no memory of sharing a blog and flaming another blogger. She has two blogs..the first is called "faggots on the third floor". I don't know if she is a lesbian as I couldn't get past the essay about what she wanted her sunroom to look like but I cringed at the "faggot" term.
Why are weird people so damn weird?
The second had to post as anonymous in terror that I would, hell I don't know ..maybe reply to their mad ramblings? This is another nut suggesting that girls are better candidates for mutilation and muttering about studies they don't understand . What is even more amusing is he is a one of those dick obsessors..moaning about how mommy mutilated him and his penis isn't pretty.
War, famine and torture everywhere and this guy spends all his energy looking at his penis.

Is this really how people spend their time? Writing long posts about their sunroom and their dick? I wouldn't know as I have managed to find great writers that write about how involved they are with the world and have enough sense not to write about their dicks.

I have sympathy for people who suffer but I can't empathize with people who whinge.
It's pathetic. I have seen real suffering, true suffering and your less than perfect circumcision doesn't make the cut. Try facing the world without one at all. Try doing that with third degree burns and two broken legs . See how stupid you sound?

We have become a world filled with whiners, complainers and professional victims.
When I get a cold do I say I am a victim that needs compensation? Someone gave me that cold right? I lost wages because of it.Am I not entitled to hunt down that carrier and have them pay me?
I could blame my mother for making me a girl and forcing me to tolerate bleeding and cramps..she should pay right? I have premenstrual syndrome and post menstrual syndrome and pre-premenstrual syndrome..I have a right to start a club and lobby doctors to create medicine to cure me of the burden of being a woman right?
How about this back of mine? I could sue all my doctors , the hospitals , my employer and the patient that did it to me right?
That is what professional victims do, along with gazing sadly at their penis.
If you go to a blog I like and act like an asshole and then deny it was you I have to wonder if you aren't really weird. I have the right just like you to come to your blog and say "hey what the hell are you doing?"

What the hell are you doing anyway estelle/jean? Other than posting letters from someone without their permission.

On to something important. What are we going to do about Palestine? I understand we cannot support any government that refuses to acknowledge the country right beside them. The first reason is they are really dumb. It's a country, right beside them ..are they just looking the other way all the time? maybe the sun is really bright..hell who knows but it doesn't bode well if they are that dumb. I don't want to give them any money if they don't know their own geography.
The second problem is they are in love with violence.. they are so in love they brought a small boy in the car when they shot off a few rockets in the direction of that country that doesn't exist. That country shot back and killed them all. I mean , I get that being stupid can be deadly but these people are so stupid they believed that because they are pretending that Israel doesn't exist Israel was pretending too. Surprise!
Israel isn't really into pretending much unless it's about brain dead people being alive.
Congratulations Israel in announcing that Sharon is permanently incapacitated...permanent vegetative states can preclude running a country but George Bush is as always the exception.
I worry more about the regular Palestinian, the one just like me. Just under that middle class line, not poor but nowhere near wealthy. They have few options. They have real skills, skills good enough for immigration. Do they stay in a country leaning closer and closer to the pit or do they make a run for it and make a better life somewhere else? They have to abandon their country, abandon the movement they worked so hard for. But to stay means they agree with Hamas, a terrorist organization that believes murder is the only way to peace.
Abandoning their country means leaving them without nurses. doctors, electricians and plumbers..all the people needed to keep the infrastructure working.
Leaving means speeding up the process of collapse.
Already food is becoming scarce, most countries have cut off aid leaving the UN holding the bag.
Is this right?
The UN has failed over and over, Rwanda, Darfur can we expect them to avert a humanitarian crisis in Gaza?
Sometimes the practice of democracy doesn't create the results we were expecting. They elected this government and now we are brutally punishing them for it. I get that they should have known better. They should have known the world would cringe and pull back but they weren't thinking about us. They were revolting against a government that was corrupt, a government that lied to the people and stole all their money. It never occurred to them that their vote against a corrupt government would make the world hate them. The people thought they were doing the right thing. The democratic thing.
I don't think we can continue to punish them for their vote. I think we should funnel the money we were going to give to the corrupt government into a special UN account to pay for food, medicine, education and employees.
If the lower middle class are getting paid and fed they will stay. Their presence will keep the country together and hopefully the next election will have different results.
We have to support the people, we don't have to agree with Hamas to do it.
Hamas is just another example of militant thinking. They are blinded to logic, deaf to reason because their belief is fragile. Their belief is so thin it cannot stand up to discussion or disagreement. When people truly believe they can happily engage in discussion. They can listen. Hamas is a movement made from spun glass. If the people had decent jobs, good health care and access to education Hamas would disappear.
Poverty is the bacteria that terrorists feed on. Eliminate it and they will starve.

But ofcourse people are too consumed with the appearance of their penis to care.


I have a cold, my period and a terrible pain day.
I have cramps of the uterus, cramps of the calf and cramps in my head.
I have taken meds for the pain..different meds for different pain .
The meds constipate so I take more meds to relieve the constipation.
My life revolves around tiny pills that recently I haven't had the skill to pick up. My left hand is rebelling, my left arm hurts..for no reason at all.

I am suddenly amused by my body in revolt. Rioting is going on at the gates and stupid me I missed the meeting, never got memo. I have no idea what the agenda is.
I will agree to all demands, a raise, better benefits? Whatever you guys want..I love you give me a moments peace okay?

If you wont give in I have ways of forcing the issue you know. I have a doctor who will shut all of you up, my acupuncturist will happily stick needles in you...oh wow..Is that the problem?
I promise no more needles. Well no more needles as long as you start behaving..Any more of this and I will put tiny needles every where.

Why are so people so radical,so adamant is their beliefs? Why do they smack you in the face and call you monster when you disagree? Do they believe that calling people abusers that will spark change?
Why has no one remembered the carrot? Why can't people talk to each other and express their beliefs without being kicked in the head and assigned the label destroyer of the world?
I was over at Ah Yes, Medical School and the essay was on completing a first time medical procedure, the procedure was circumcision.
Yes, the whole world has opinions on circumcision and there is nothing wrong about talking about how you feel about medical procedures. What was wrong was the militants arrived and screamed themselves hoarse. They called everyone in the discussion child abusers. I couldn't resist following one back to her blog. She now complains that all the people involved in the flame war were pedophiles. She accused mothers of having a sexual interest in their boys because they wanted their penis to look good. She never mentioned how weird it was to be completely obsessed about how good her kid looked without surgical intervention and what that said about her. Her idea was that female children were better candidates for circumcision as it was less painful for girls. At this point I wanted to go to her house haul her to the airport and drag her to an African home to watch little girls be assaulted with a worn bit of coke bottle. I wanted to ask her if that looked just fine to her. I then remembered she was ignorant. Ignorant in the too stupid to live definition.
I read a bit of her blog. What was a little heartbreaking is on the whole she didn't seem crazy. She hid her crazy really well. That is scary.

I don't like it when really militant people seem just like me. I guess I can be a little militant about not torturing your loved one by leaving them to suffer and die for weeks on a ventilator with their hands strapped to the bed and their skin broken and weeping but I don't hide that militancy and honestly I think the majority of us can get behind the idea.
Getting shrill and fanatical about male circumcision, a procedure that doesn't destroy a child's ability to walk, urinate, pass their menstrual blood and enjoy or even be able to have sex in favour of one that does makes me a little ill.
I am in favour of circumcision, research clearly shows circumcised men are less likely to transmit HIV...That is a way to protect women and children without harming boys.
If you have repressed memories and are obsessed with your circumcision how about getting a hobby, finding a job and moving out of your parents basement. You are being ridiculous and you need a real life to obsess over.
What a joke.....Obviously some people have way too much time on their hands..Turn off the television and the computer, get off the couch and go outside..There is a whole world out there to fuss about. Try seals, global warning, starvation, genocide...Stop worrying about your dick already. To the mothers who have created a movement, shut up. You do what you believe is right and stop dictating to the rest of us.

Friday, April 07, 2006

mis under standings

I sometimes believe people misunderstand on purpose. I have noticed that some people are so desperate to get their own views across they will happily contort anything that is said so they can dive in announcing their own personal view. The people I hate, truly hate are the ones who set you up, like a twerp at work regularly does..she says " well if that is your view give an example of how you would implement it" and then because some of us actually think she is being sincere we answer the question . She then pounces, loudly and rudely stating what her opinion is and how terribly wrong you were for acting the way you did. She always makes sure she has a good audience for this performance so she can be viewed as the "wise and enlightened one".
She never misses a chance to remind everyone that she is a good and loving christian with God on her side and with that how can she ever be wrong?

I think she is an asshole and I let her know it. Ofcourse this wonderful example of christian kindness can't believe she is being challenged and slinks off looking for another victim.

Why do some people refuse to allow others to have an opinion? Why are they so threatened? Is their faith so weak? Or is their faith another cover? A way to manipulate others into following their lead? I think it is manipulation, a way to impose on others.
More importantly I am sick of it. I am tired of trying to speak about things I have experienced only to be shut down because some old burnouts feel threatened that anyone would have the gall to offer a different view.

In any area of nursing you have dinosaurs. Staff that have been around since the beginning, resisting every change. They repeat over and over "that isn't the way we do it here" refusing to hear about anything new.
They complain about every new practice, refusing to implement new guidelines until they are forced upon them.
They refuse to accept certain assignments, always saying give it to one of the new girls I have done my time doing that. As if by virtue of being a dinosaur they no longer have any obligations to learn.
Change is growth, it makes your brain work, gives a sense of mastery and confidence and holds off burnout and boredom. Dinosaurs enjoy their grumpy burnout, they pass it on like a virus infecting whole units. New staff quits and older staff transfers out and the dinos are all that is left. Anyone new coming in is immediately infected, filled with disinterest and discontent.
If new staff survives their harassment from burned out preceptors they mimic the same behavior as a survival mechanism. They resist change harder, with more anger than the senior staff knowing that if they don't they will suffer the consequences.
The consequences are a further drop in morale and more sick calls.
Sick calls are increasing as morale drops. No one wants to be in the environment. Being stuck for hours with these people literally makes other people physically ill.
I wish there was some way to force the dinosaurs out. I want a mechanism that measures disinterest and resistance to change so we could counsel them to move to another area before they sour the place for the rest of us.
I think nursing requires passion and a forceful personality. To be an advocate for another human being you can't be a pushover. Advocates shouldn't be people who couldn't care less and are only there to do the basics of the job and pick up their check. To be honest Most nurses now fill that description and it makes me sad and angry and exhausted.

I know it's only a matter of time before I am completely infected and no longer care. I struggle from one extreme to the other but it's only a matter of time before I give up, shut up and pick up my check. A little part of me is really excited about the day I stop giving a damn about the environment and my focus narrows on the basic patient needs and nothing more.

Really, is there anyone out there who gives a damn anyway?

Thursday, April 06, 2006


Sixteen year dies from cellphone
She was sixteen , driving on the express in the passing lane on a major highway when she reached down into her purse to answer a ringing cellphone. She lost control , hit the guard rail, flipped the car , hit her head and died.
How many mistakes can you point out?
What was a sixteen year old doing on a major highway?
Why was she on the express in the passing lane?
Why did she have to answer the damn phone?

I don't blame the child, I blame her parents. I have a child that is driving. Though by law she is allowed to drive on the highway she is not allowed too. See, I know she doesn't have enough driving experience yet. I know she has poor impulse control. I know it is painful, near impossible for a teenager to ignore a ringing phone. I understand that teenagers need rules.

It is a damn tragedy that didn't need to happen. Parents terrified of parenting, scared that their teenagers wont think they are "cool", worried that their teenagers will rebel against limits...I just don't understand. I don't care if my kid thinks I am cool, I don't want to be her friend..I want to be her mother and with that comes some ugly moments. Yes, she does hate me sometimes. She does think I am old and stupid and that "I just don't get it" what? Isn't that what every teenager is supposed to think? I wouldn't think I was doing my job if I didn't have to ignore at least one hysterical foot stomping temper tantrum a week.
I am not a great parent, not wonderful..hopefully just competent..just meeting the challenges with some common sense, remembering what a monster I was at her age and accepting she will have her monster moments too.
Some of my rules are hard, painful for her but those rules are there so I don't have to be that woman I saw the other night. The one who once she started screaming couldn't stop.

Watched an interesting documentary on surgery the other day. A guy had a spinal cord stimulator implanted. His voice and face were so completely changed when they turned it on. He relaxed and seemed joyful. The stimulator isn't pain medication, it is a vibrator for the spine. The science behind it is the sensation of vibration moves through the spinal cord and into the brain faster than the sensation of pain so it overcomes the pain signal. It changes the sensation and according to this man just changing the message was an incredible relief. I don't know how long it would last but I am kind of interested. Lately I am getting more wore down by my pain. I feel short tempered and slothlike. I feel like I have tried everything already..I tried acupuncture for goodness sake why not a stimulator?
I know it's for people who are using a lot more drugs including narcotics but I don't want to wait for that.
I will have to do some research and talk to the docs.

I just finished reading The Shipping News. I enjoyed it despite having seen both movie versions. The Canadian version was much the best and much truer to the book. I liked that the normal Newfie condescension was absent. We are guilty of making fun of Newfies here, questioning their intelligence. We forget that they have a distinct culture, a language of their own. We bow down to Quebec while ignoring the East Coast.
Personally I have never believed that Quebec had it's own distinct culture, only a distinct language. Language does not make for culture. Culture is history and tradition, poutine doesn't exactly count for tradition. I think Quebec is Ontario in french and make no mistake it's not "French" french it's a bastardization of Parisian french.
Culture and tradition is created by seperation, distance from the modern world.Those on the east coast lived on the water creating a language for it and a culture around it. Much like aborigine's, Native Canadians have done while living on the land, off the land and finally by being forcibly removed from the modern world and onto reservations, separated and segregated.
I liked the book as melancholy as it was. I agree that love can be a quiet thing that brings you joy instead of a wild thing that drags you from ecstasy to heartbreak.

I watched the Mercer report tonight and cracked up when I saw George Bush ignore Harpers outstretched hand. I know George wasn't trying to be rude. I know he didn't even notice the attempt at the handshake but it wont matter will it? Canadians will get all stiffly offended and think America hates us . Why are we so damn sensitive? A literal joke of a human being misses a handshake and we instantly forget he is the dumbest man alive and think there was some "message" being sent.
He is George Bush, a guy who is not allowed to eat pretzels alone , cannot stay on a bike and is unable to speak in full sentences. Do we want to shake his hand?

I agree with Harper about keeping our troops in Afghanistan. We made a real commitment, we promised the people there we would help keep them safe, guard their baby democracy. Terrorism was born there too..Which do we want to grow up?
I want Canada to be able to say we did everything possible to keep Afghanistan connected to the world. We can show them by example that you can have divergent beliefs and still have a safe, prosperous and vibrant country.
I hope Afghanistan can look at us and say "that is what we want" and fight hard for it.

I think it is time the US gets out of Iraq and allows the United Nations to move in and take over.
America has done too much damage, they have no credibilty. Too much corruption, terror and death to ever overcome. Americas fatal mistake was ignoring civilian deaths. They didn't make an effort to keep count, make the deaths important. They should have kept track, mourned every civilain death as painfully as a soldiers. If Iraq felt that Americans cared about their loss they would have stayed engaged. When hundreds die every day and the invading country ignores it or worse denies it, pretends it isn't happening the civilains grow exhausted and look to a new champion to protect them.
America made no effort to understand the culture, the rules of conduct in a Muslim country and have deeply offended almost everyone there. What else could we expect from a guy who doesn't understand half the customs of his own citizens?

This Lou Dobbs is getting on my nerves. He rants away but bails when someone says what is your solution? He oversimplifies everything. It isn't black or white, it is a thousand shades of grey.
Yes, illegal immigrants really shouldn't be getting welfare or free medical services but come on , this isn't happening. They pay and they work. Who wants to pick fruit? I did it and hated it, it's back breaking work. Is there a line up of Americans that want these jobs? Really? Then where the hell were they when the farmers needed them? Around here we have left tomatoes in the field because we couldn't find anyone to pick. Welfare recipients refused "it was below them" , it was racist to force them to work in a field for money. See the problem?
Not all that simple is it Lou?

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

all knowing immovable

I am a mother. I read dooce and I read the comment section and all I can say is you are scary people. The "you" is all those whacked out cult members who cannot , will not refuse a chance to hurl insults at another human being (and have inca in your name).
I personally think any mother who brings her children into her bed and keeps them there for years suffers from a mental illness.
Bringing a baby into your bed is also the height of laziness. It says I am too lazy to get out of bed and feed my kid. It's not because you are "bonding" or making sure your child grows up to be a wonderful, responsible member of society, it's because you cannot be bothered to get your lazy behind out of bed.
Babies are not playthings to be molded to every whacked out theory you read about on the internet. They are people, people that need to learn how to adapt to the world around them. People that need to be shown how to do things.
Babies need to learn how to control themselves, how to find comfort within themselves.
Mothers who think that they need to strap their babies to their side twenty fours a day, snapping to attention at every snuffle, whimper or cry steal from their children. In their desperate need to feel needed these woman steal the self confidence of their children, steal their children's attempts at self mastery.
I imagine as their children get older they will hit the baseball , kick the soccer ball and crayon inside the lines for them. I know these are the very same women who make sure everyone gets a trophy at every sporting event..The illustrious "participation" trophy because in their bizarre version of the world everyone is a winner!
These woman raise children dissatisfied with everything. Their children are the ones screaming and running crazed in restaurants and malls because to curtail their child's "exuberance"( read complete lack of self control) may stunt them emotionally..God forbid you hurt their feelings..they may grow up mad at their mommy.
And that is the root right there isn't it?
All this parenting attachment crap is a defensive move. These woman grew up resenting or disliking their own parents and by behaving like needy toddlers to their own children they can say to themselves "well I did everything right" in that hateful, self righteous tone that makes their children shudder and grit their teeth.

What I find most grating is these women let their children wail,scream until they puke in every public venue possible because to exert control over their children would hurt their feelings but the very thought of allowing the very same behavior at bed time is child abuse...only then is it okay to intervene.
Don't let the bullshit throw you..The continued interventions all night long are an act of control and aggression against the child. It's passive aggressive at it's very worst. It teaches the baby that to cry is the correct response to everything. It reinforces every fear, it teaches the baby that it has no control over it's own feelings...Only mommy can solve every problem, only mommy can make the world right, only mommy is in control. Mother as deity.
What a terrible thing to teach a baby.
Allowing a baby to cry for a little while is a good thing. It allows the baby to soothe itself, it teaches the baby that it can find mastery and control..It is the building of self confidence.

Mothers that refuse to teach self mastery are mentally ill. They are so ego driven they need everything to be all about them. Everything their child does is a reflection of how damn wonderful they are. These mothers have nothing in their lives but their children. They are so bored, so unfulfilled they have decided that a baby can fill the vacuum. They take mothering on like a science project...research, research, research then focus groups, project meetings and when they have swallowed whole some gibbering idiots theories they implement them on their unsuspecting baby. But that is not good enough.Like any good convert to a cult they must spread the good word and woe to those who don't agree. Because for them someone disagreeing is terrifying. They have so little faith in themselves that even the remotest hint that their new guru may be wrong incenses them. They overflow with hysterical hate..and then they walk away from the computer and tell their baby mommy is always right. Never doubt mommy, never question mommy ever.

Well here is a hint, I think you are creating a monster that has no confidence, no manners and cannot control their behavior...The perfect recipe for addiction, criminality and sociopathic behavior.
I recommend you don't have any pets but I am sure when your little boy murders the cat you will joyfully announce his newfound interest in biology and will tell all your friends he's going to be a doctor when he grows up.

I let my kid cry and she is a high school honour student that is able to sleep through the night all by herself without a pacifier or her mommy patting her head all night long.
I wonder if it will be considered child abuse if you have your fifteen year old in bed with you with a boob and a pacifier? When will it be okay with you to allow your child independence of thought and movement?
The very thought terrifies the "attachment" group. Their whole goal is to attach their children to them just like shiny jewelry.

Babies need their own bed, toddlers need their own bed and their own room. Mothers need to stop being so damn weird, crazy and selfish.
There are some really basic rules to parenting..Don't beat your kids ever and spanking is beating, don't molest your children or allow them to be molested, keep your children free of lice (this means clean clothes and bathing) stay sober when you have children, don't bring strangers into your home until they stop being strangers and become trusted friends, have enough money to support yourself and your children..Don't expect your mate to pay all the bills forever, stay current on your education and job skills.
Teach your children the difference between home rules and outside in the world rules...that means teach them respect and some manners. Let your kids cry, we don't always have to stuff our emotions like crazy people..crying when tired and frustrated is NORMAL, stop trying to control the emotions of your children..Let them cry and let them figure out how to stop crying. This means at bedtime or any other time, have enough sense to take your kid to the car when they lose it..It's humiliating to freak out so don't force your kid to do it front of a restaurant full of people okay? If it was your girlfriend you would take her to the bathroom for some privacy why not give your kid the same respect?
Stop worrying about what your kid is eating, they are people remember? They get the right to refuse food they don't want just like you..It's a not a personal attack if they just want to eat peanut butter and crackers for a week so get over yourself already.
Stop worrying about the future, try paying attention to right now. Stop patting yourself on the back for how terribly wonderful you are, nothing you are doing is new or in fact all that interesting.
Your goal as a parent should be raising a self confident, polite, respectful human being with the skills to find self fulfillment..not mommy fulfillment..self.

What the hell has gone so wrong with mothers? When did raising children become a competitive bloodsport? I think it is because some of you have too much time on your hands and a vicious self loathing.
I bet the worst of you used to dress your tiny little dog in homemade did didn't you? Hats too and rain slickers and a little baggie to pick up their tiny little poo.

To the worst of you over at dooce...I hope your children don't end up accepting Buffalo Bill as their own personal savior but after seeing how easily their mothers drank the kool-aid I think our chances are slim.

I agree completely with Heather, she did what her child needed and to all you baby whisperers out there..come on, you are taking advice from a guy who ripped off the idea from a carnival worker.(.for those that know anything about working on the backstretch you will get the joke.)
Holy Jesus.. calling yourselves baby whisperers now..can it get any more pathetic?

Saturday, April 01, 2006

I don't know

Looking at their faces all I can see is confusion and pain. I know what I have to do. I have to make them understand that people die even when you don't want them to, when you aren't ready.I know what my job is but still it makes me a little sick.
I can see what they can't. I have seen the future, I know what his future will hold and I will have to find a way to tell them nothing good is in the cards. No miracle is waiting, no reversal of fortune, he wont be winning any lottery here.
They slowly began to understand. I saw their fear, then their horror and finally self righteous anger. Their will to protect him from what we could do.
It is a beautiful thing thing to see that moment when the ego drops away and everyone begins the business of showing how deep their love runs.
They are now a formidable force of protection..they are protecting him from us, the medical profession..we are the enemy in his battle to die with grace and dignity and that is the way it has to be.

I am waiting for the day when we stop being the obstacle and become leaders.

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