Friday, July 21, 2006


I sometimes have moments of ambition. I had thought I moved on from them, too old, too cynical but I have surprised myself.
I applied for a new job, knowing full well I may not get it. I am usually better at selfprotection. I don't like rejection, that awful humiliation when someone says thanks but no thanks.
I feel stupid for even applying...worse I am actually going to go through with the interview.

I love the idea of this job. It has such value. It could be an incredible step forward for patient care, patient safety. It could mend fences between services. It could help other nurses, teach them some wonderful crisis skills that will help them cope for their entire careers.
I want to be a part of that.

The problem? I went to nursing school..I didn't got to University for a Bachelors Degree in Nursing. I am a diploma nurse. I was trained in hospitals not classrooms.
I know the world has changed and it is important to have all those initials after your name but I can't afford to pay for those initials on a nurses salary.

I hope I interview well, I hope I can convey how hopeful I feel about this program. I hope I can deal with rejection with grace and not be an ass about being turned away from a job I want.

The situation in the middle east has become so bad I can't watch anymore. CNN makes me itch. Lou Dobbs makes me laugh though..he just cannot give up the illegal immigrant thing. He talks about the death and destruction in Lebanon and Israel and then follows it up with some lame ass comment about how illegal immigrants are destroying America.
Is immigration really an issue when the middle east is burning? I mean holy crap self involved or what? No one cares about it anymore Lou...we are watching the potential beginning to a world war here dumbass, Mexicans looking for work aren't going to lob grenades at your ass if you send them home so settle down .

I am fast losing any ability to think coherently about the subject, I waver from blaming Lebanon for allowing a terrorist organization to settle in their country and take over half of it to thinking well hell Hezbollah did fight to keep Israel out and did protect Lebanon when it counted right? To well Israel has a perfect right to freak out when they did everything the damn UN told them to and still had missiles lobbed at them and had their soldiers murdered and kidnapped.
Hell, if a bunch of terrorists tried that shit here I think we would promptly go nuclear on their asses and turn their patch of grass into glass. So why shouldn't Israel blow them up?
Well, because the whole world is in jeopardy now.
It's a slippery slope. If Israel invades Lebanon then Lebanon has to fight back, ofcourse Syria will side with Lebanon and Iran will side with Syria. Hezbollah will demand help and Syria and Iran will happily provide whatever they need.
What will the other Muslim countries do?
Well they have that terrifying religious imperative right? It will be a "holy" war and using nukes will be Gods will. So, we will have Lebanon, Palestine, Syria, Iran, half of Iraq not to mention Malaysia, and Pakistan and Afghanistan..hmmm who else? well Saudi will be the money guy along with Dubai right? This thing will snowball quickly...what about Jordan? and Turkey? which side do you choose when your neighbours have all aligned themselves?

Israel may have unleashed some really bad shit here. They may have been justified true but sometimes you have to suck it up and eat some awful shit to prevent something even worse.
I wish Israel had counted to twenty and not reacted so quickly and so violently.
I know I don't have the right to say that, I know that the provocation was something terrible but they were the grown ups. They should have known that they fell straight into the trap the Arab world has been planning since the day they arrived.

They went for the head butt you see. With Zidane it only meant a moments embarrassment and some community service for FIFA. Israel's headbutt may lead to a disaster we will never recover from.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

breath in

oh it's really too hot .
I like hot but it's just way too damn hot.

It's Africa hot.
The difference is I have food and water. I am safe in my own home. I am not running for my life.
Darfur remains a disaster and nobody cares.

Congratulations to Israel for making a really bad situation worse.
How is blowing up Lebanon going to help?
How is murdering innocents helping your cause?
All these people have lost their shit entirely.
The Arabs believing in murder and hostage taking so they can barter human flesh for human flesh.The Israelis for believing that bombing buildings , cars and bridges will win hearts and minds.
These people refuse to work together, they refuse to see the value of each other and there is no hope they will ever change.
Let them bomb each other and let's get the civilians out.
Poor Lebanon, just when they were seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.....

Monday, July 10, 2006

a fine display

So I have to admit I loved the head butt.
To be fair I love Zidane so I am biased.
But I know that Zidane is a pretty levelheaded guy that has played in really big games all his life. I know that it would take horrific slander to make Zidane react so violently. I also know Zidane is a nonpractising Muslim with Algerian parents and that makes him a huge target for racist, religious attacks that would make any sane person stop and beat the crap out of their tormenter.
The rumour is that Italian jackass called Zidane a "dirty fucking terrorist" among some other choice comments about his mothers sexual appetites. The word is this idiot spent the whole damn game accusing Zidane of murdering innocents, accusing one of the greatest players alive of being responsible for suicide bombings.
I think that ass got off remarkably well with a head butt to the sternum.
I know that the French and the Italians have some of the worst racists among them. I know both the fan bases enjoy imitating monkeys when the black players are introduced.
I know that some of these people are scum..I also know Zidane is an honourable man that got pushed too far. Farther than a grown man should ever be pushed.
I am not embarrassed by the head butt. It was long over due.
I think it should be an acceptable response to any asshole who thinks trash talk includes accusing an opposing player of murdering babies.

I think Zidane should hold a press conference and reveal exactly what that prick said, yes all the professional lip readers have already provided the rough translation but I want Zidane to say it out loud. Then I want to hear the defense....please defend calling someone a terrorist in the middle of a soccer game...explain how such a piece of scum like you had the right to even speak to Zidane let alone slander him and his family.

I admire Zidanes restraint..he could have beat the crap out of that scum, he didn't...he just reminded him that he could.

All the effort FIFA put into the antiracism campaign and all it took was one idiot Italian to ruin it all.

I don't believe Italy was the best team, I thought they were crap..better than Portugal certainly but not World Cup material. Their soccer is full of scandal and game fixing and pay offs, I would never have let them play at all. Hell if Greece gets the boot because of governmental interference why should corrupt Italians get to play?

Zidane is one of the very best players ever to have played and he is a grown man that shouldn't have to turn the other the cheek when he is slandered by some loser.
I hope the next time some ass thinks about vomiting up some slander they will think about that head butt and shut the hell up.

That head butt alone made him the World Cups most valuable player..words without action are can tell people to stop being racist assholes but a swift head butt to the sternum gives the message some real consequences.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

well..that was certainly awful

Oh England

Yes Portugal played like the whiny little drama queens they are..why was that surprising? Why would anyone react to these talentless crybabies that give football a bad name?
Figo and Maniche are ofcourse exempt..Christiano Ronaldo is not .
ooney when are you going to grow the fuck up? They were pulling on your jersey not trying to murder your girlfriend in her sleep. You stomp a guys nuts for pulling on your shirt?
What will you do when you get an elbow to the mouth? Kill someone?
I love how you play the game but this immature lose your shit stuff is old, very old.
I don't want you roasted on a pit. I don't want what happened to Beckham in '98 to happen to you...hell I wouldn't wish that on al-queda but I think a minor, short lived thrashing may do you some good.
You are being paid millions of dollars to do something you love, you are paid as a professional, you really need to start acting like one. I know you are young but you aren't that young anymore okay?
I still love you but dude? It's a football game..There will always be some guy pulling on your shirt or your shorts or whacking away at your feet...It's their last line of defense...What? Did you think they were going to play fair? It's Portugal.

Christiano Ronaldo is a pussy. I have hated that little shit since the first time I saw him. I applauded when he burst into tears when he got whacked in the shin. This kid has perfected the dive with whiny cry baby face, he makes me want to vomit. He loves to go screaming to the ref over every imagined infraction, he is so obviously that kid in school everyone hated, the school snitch. He has run to Sir Alex almost daily crying about how the older players are mean to him...ever wonder why Keane got the boot? Yeah, he yelled at Ronaldo and made him cry..seems Ronaldo is not a team player and he got told....and Ronaldo promptly ran off screaming bloody murder. Ruud leaving and you wonder why? Ronaldo again..seems he wouldn't pass the damn ball, too busy passing it to himself and Ruud told him to cut out the grandstanding bullshit..Ronaldo ran sobbing off to mommy and Ruud went looking for a new club.
I hate the little prick and it is my fondest hope that Rooney uses his power at Manchester to get the little bastard sold to Juventus.
I hate Christiano Ronaldo for a multitude of reasons. I hate the way he wont pass the damn ball and instead thinks he is so slick and tricky. He has fifteen touches on the ball and by the time he has decided to stop preening the rest of the team is completely out of position. No one knows what the fuck he is doing with the ball, this is ofcourse his tactic for taking the shot..he makes it impossible for any other member of his own team to second guess his next move so he can always go for goal.Selfish little prick.
Next is his preening. This idiot does not make a move unless he sees himself on the television first.During the Portugal game he must have stopped twenty times to stare up at the giant television monitor..checking to make sure he looked just right for the boys I'm sure.
Worst is his bitching and moaning, he makes Rooney look like a member of the clergy. He falls down so often you would think he had two broken ankles, all wailing and crying until he gets what he wants then he is up and smiling. He polices the game with his never ending whining.
If I was the ref he would been red carded right along with Rooney.
Ronaldo belongs in Italy where the whining dive is part of the game and where I don't have to see him ever again.
It is my fondest wish that The master Zidane destroys this brat.

I am hoping France wins the World Cup..I think that Zidane deserves more than anyone that incredible moment before he retires. I also hope Henry scores a ton of goals that shut up those racist bastards in France.

I am very sad to see Beckham give up being England captain. Being Captain has been his dream and it sucks that he was made to fall on his sword because the coaching staff is a bunch of clueless fucking idiots. The midfielders played like amateurs and one striker up front has been a recipe for disaster since the dawn of fucking time.
Boy that Lampard sure sucked. Brilliant move to make him take a penalty kick first asshole..he hasn't been able to hit the net in weeks he was just brimming with confidence. You start with John Terry you dick and then move on...oh cat could have coached this team better. The fact that McLaren is taking over spells even more disaster. I can't tell you how much I hated seeing that white legged fool in his ill fitting shorts on the sidelines.
He is just going to more of the same except no Beckham. Only a fool would name Beckham to the team after he has given up being captain. He would be an albatross of past failure even if he was playing well.
I think the only person that kept England in the Cup was Beckham, it was his force of will that kept the team grinding away. If anyone had any imagination they would have played Beckham with Aaron, they would have had Crouch and Rooney up front and pulled Lampard off. I would have had Sol and Rio at the back with John Terry in front of them babysitting. Gerrard, Neville and JoeCole for support in the midfield.
They would have been impossible to beat. Think of Joe Cole and Aaron on each side with Crouch and Rooney in the center, think of Beckham, Neville and Gerrard feeding passes through, think of the brilliance of John Terry moving the ball to center and Rio and Sol using their heads for free kicks and corners.
These are all brilliant players...why the hell didn't the coach see where they belonged?
Oh, right..he didn't give a shit, he had already resigned.

On to something entirely different. Maria over at intueri has a post about what to do when med students fail their clerkships. She has some strong points. Medical school is expensive, like buying a big house expensive. Medical school is really hard. The stress is awful.
Sometimes people have a really bad time and don't perform well.
The question is how many kicks at this particular can should they get?
I think I would have to look at specifics.
I don't want to judge on those ridiculous "doesn't perform well within the team" statements.
I would need first hand accounts of each problem. Some people are assholes and label someone difficult when in truth they are the prick that gets crazy when the med student didn't print out their patient list in the thirty two seconds allotted.
A lot of times the "unsafe" tag gets applied when a student makes an error that would never have happened if they had been properly supervised. I cannot tell you how many times our fellows have been left to care for over forty critically ill patients by themselves along with having to reply to the code page. These are experienced doctors and they make mistakes that seem impossible..a med student left to their own devices to collect labs,xrays, medical histories will make errors. In my opinion they shouldn't be left alone.
With our med students we treat them like nursing students, they are never left alone to make decisions, we support them completely..even when their medical seniors wont.
Nurses remember their first days on an unfamiliar unit, scared witless most of the time, half the time unable to find supplies. No one should have to be left alone during that time.
We spend a crazy amount of time talking med students through "practice" rounds. We want them to be able to present our patient to the staff doc well, not just to make them feel a little more confident but to make sure our concerns are well represented. We also hate the ritual humiliation that is dripped over medical students so we do our best to make sure they know the answers to the most obvious questions.
In my hospital I know that my med student will become my resident and then my fellow and eventually some will become staff....I want them trained well.

I think after checking out the facts on why the clerkship went poorly I would then start the student again. I would make sure all parties had a chance to talk through each issue. Staff should have a chance to look carefully at what their responsibilities were in the first failure and understand that if they fail to live up to appropriate behaviour on the second go round the student will pass. If the student fails to live up to the responsibilities of their failure then they will fail.
I think everyone should get a second chance. If gross misconduct was discovered that could be considered pathological..lying about events, failing to show up etc then the student is expelled from the program.

If they fail on the second round it means they cannot be a doctor. There has to be a standard.
Ofcourse extenuating circumstances will apply..serious illness etc should be considered before expulsion. Hating your psych rotation doesn't count by the way..I hated, no I despised my psych rotation but I staggered through anyway, so you have to too.
To be completely fair I did get into some psychiatric illness, bipolar, schizophrenia were fascinating but any of the so called "personality disorders" made me ill. I could understand that the brain is an organ that could fail in it's duties just like any other organ. I could see that bipolar disorders,depression, schizophrenia could all be affected by medication that changes brain chemistry. I could also see that the "personality disorder" patients were mostly unaffected and then I realized they weren't ill, they were assholes. They were blaming asshole behaviour on mental illness and I wanted to smack them daily. Got drunk and killed a group of children? Not mentally ill...asshole. Lost your job and lied to the wife that you won the lottery, went on a spending spree that left you unable to pay your mortgage which you lied about and eventually your wife found out when the eviction notice showed up on the front door so she took the children and left and in retaliation you showed up at their new home and pretended to hang your self in the garage just as your oldest was getting off the school bus, asking her to please cut daddy down from the rope ? Not ill..asshole. Manipulative asshole. I really hated the psych ward. There were about five real patients and twenty manipulative jerks, there only to suck any and all sympathy from any dupe simple enough to offer it up.
They made me really crazy when they stole time from the real patients. Time is a huge thing in hospital. Doctors and Nurses have a limited amount of time to make real contact, a real relationship that may help someone very ill move towards some kind of peace. If resources are sucked up by idiots hiding out from being responsible, sucking compassion like vampires the truly ill will suffer for it.
The truly mentally ill need time and care, they don't get better with a few days of sympathy and an Ativan. They are wary, mistrustful..they don't seek you out and talk for hours about how tough their life is and why wont anyone take care of them..hell sometimes for days they wont talk at all.
They require hard work, not like the assholes that just need to be told they are wonderful four times a day. They don't get better all of a sudden when their disability check arrives.
The truly mentally ill challenge you, sadden you..sometimes they terrify you..they also remind you but for the grace of biochemistry they could be you and that is why I hated psych. No one wants to be reminded daily that your own brain can turn on you so savagely.
Well, not no one..some crazy docs like psych..heh.

  • Google News
  • Edit-Me
  • Edit-Me
  • copyright harleynalice 2006