Wednesday, February 27, 2008

oh blogger

What the hell is wrong with you? Why wont you let me sign in? Why do I have to keep trying over and over and over until I want to have you beaten?
So I wandered over to boobsinjuriesanddrpepper .
I discovered that blogger has captured another victim. I have great sympathy for funny people. Most of that humour comes from awful pain and if you know only a little of Crystals history you would understand immediately why she needs an occasional mental health break. A pity her bastard of an ex husband couldn't suffer for her cause that dude needs to suffer for what he did to her and his own son.
I hope she feels a little stronger soon.
I don't agree with her only letting bits and pieces of those skeletons out, of course she doesn't need to write about them on the internet but she does need to throw them right out there all the way. There is no purpose in holding the bad shit in like a secret. Secrets are what makes us crazy in the first place.

I watched the movie The Kingdom and felt such a wave of sadness. This is the home of hate and instead of slapping that face for what it has done the world pretended Iraq and Afghanistan were the culprits. Too afraid to piss off the great gods of oil but not too afraid to murder a few thousand Iraqis out of impotent frustration.
I believe that is what the Iraq war is all about. George Bush's impotence. He knew he couldn't launch all out war against his friends the Saudis. They knew it too. So he blew the shit out of Baghdad because he is a spoiled rotten little brat that when crossed resorts immediately to violence . I guess it was just a little something Barbara taught him. I mean she is not one to avoid a tantrum either is she?

The world is standing at the precipice, will Obama really be the guy to pull us off the edge? Or will he be the guy that gives us the shove all the way over into the quagmire?
I do not trust this guy at all. He seems like the cat that ate the canary and I want to know why. But he is still better than the ancient war loving John McCain. The man that wants to fight Vietnam over and over and over again. He is the true definition of insanity..doing the same damn thing expecting a different result again and again.

Friday, February 08, 2008

child abuse

I read Violent Acres and I like her. I don't find her crass or brash at all so maybe that tells you a little about me. She writes occasionally about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother and for me that strikes a chord. I will do what V has asked and talk a little about the abuse I survived.
My mother never raised a hand against me, nor my father. My mother did allow very bad things to happen at the hands of other people. My mother was/is mentally ill. Well, that was the story we all told each other anyway. When I look back I now know her depression was really a prolonged temper tantrum because she was forced to be responsible for her children. Every time the latest boyfriend quit she would declare she was depressed and get herself admitted to hospital for a rest. Some of her other "rests" lasted over three months and on more than one occasion a trip to Montreal, Mexico, Florida and BC. . As her children we got dumped on whomever was available and willing. Sometimes my father, usually my grandparents.
My grandfather was a violent alcoholic who made a child's life terrifying. My father was emotionally absent and sometimes physically absent..the kind of guy to leave a bag of donuts and the tv on for a couple of five year olds while he went out with his twenty year old girlfriend.
Sometimes we got left with a child molester or as my mother described him our uncle.
Because my parents were completely self absorbed and deep into the sixties free love find yourself mentality they had no real interest in raising children. They actually believed that a group of strangers as daycare was a good idea.
I happily can say my father grew up , took control and repaired a lot of the damage that was done to us. He has always been genuinely sorry about his behaviour back then and he has worked hard to make amends.
My mother has never bothered. She clings to her mentally ill excuse to escape any responsibility. In fact she believes we as children caused her problems and she has said more than once that she should have aborted us. I dropped my mother from my life many, many years ago. She will still try to guilt trip via long distance...she worries that she wont have enough money to support herself comfortably. She thinks her children should send her money and she isn't shy about asking.
The last time she tried this I sent her itemized bill for the trauma I suffered as a child. I asked for a hundred thousand dollars a year for ten years. I haven't heard anything back yet.

So that's my part in shining a light on abuse. Abuse doesn't always mean getting hit, negligence is also abuse.Though our molester is responsible for the acts he perpetrated my mother is equally responsible because she created the opportunity he needed.
No one should be ashamed because they were a victim. Abusers need to feel that shame not us. We also need to pull our heads from your asses every once in awhile and check out the kids around us. Are they doing okay or do they look like they are getting their asses kicked? Maybe we need to step in and help that kid anyway we can.

I read about the tornadoes and wow, anybody still believe that climate change thing is bs? I mean other than the mouth breathers that think the earth is flat and evolution is just impossible.
I have never had the experience myself but we have had a few run through close by. Just the warnings scare the crap out of me. So I honestly hope those that are grieving have something miraculous and wonderful happen for them in the future. They deserve it. There has to be some kind of karmic debt that must be repaid to these people for their suffering and loss. The question why must reverberate in their minds day and night.

On to that crazy woman on The View, no not the one who said the earth was flat, the "Republican" now supporting McCain. She went on and on and on about this stimulus package and about how the US just really couldn't afford to include veterans...ha,ha, ha, ha..holy crap. These people are amazing. Talking about this terrible deficit as if it just suddenly showed up without reason or introduction. Then explaining how only a Republican can solve this pesky problem. This is the same fool that has canonized Bush, a man that can do no wrong. She honestly believes it was those Democrat spending fools that created the deficit, the cost of the war had nothing to do with it. Why is she allowed to speak? Isn't there some law that prevents the uninformed from spreading lies? Right, of course not. If there was Bush would have been dragged off in hand cuffs in the first ten minutes of his presidency.

I still don't like Obama. This guy is hiding something. It ain't about women, drugs or corruption either. He's hiding who he is and I don't like it. Those eyes aren't agreeing with the words at all. Why can't anyone else see this? It's starting to make me irritated. Dude, look in a mirror okay? Watch what your eyes express when you are smiling or when you aren't. Shake off that slightly condescending gaze, middle income adult women don't like it. How about you look at all of us the same way you look at Oprah? Just try it okay? Then maybe we can be friends.

Canada is having an issue with NATO right now. For those of you that don't know we are responsible for most of the fighting and all of the leading in the war in Afghanistan. You Americans remember that one right? You know, the guys responsible for 9/11. Or as the Canadian and American soldiers call it "the forgotten front on terror".
We gave NATO an ultimatum . Canadians have had enough of our young ones dying there and we think it's time you share the load. So far only the French have offered to start doing their part.
I think that if the rest of you lazy bastards don't step up we should just boot your sorry ass right out of NATO. The deal was we were supposed to support each other against any global threats. Trust that Europe will just stand back and let someone else die on their behalf. It's always been that way right? Well, we are having a vote next week. We may decide to say " hey Europe, welcome to the Taliban, they are your problem" and we will pick up our shit and go home.

If all of Europe doesn't step up in the next week I think it's time we walk away. Our soldiers are too damn valuable to allow them to continue to be abused by Europe's cowardice and laziness.
We have no obligations to those who refuse to support us. The Afghani army is more support than NATO for goodness sake.

Is any country going to step in and help Kenya? How about Chad? More deafening silence from the International very shocking.
Man, that China is really doing their part to stop genocide in Africa eh? Oh, right..China spends billions encouraging genocide so they can then violate the environment and poison the people while stealing their natural resources.
Can't wait for the day they become the biggest economic super power in the world. I mean what's the worst that could happen? Lead in your toys, poison pet food.........

Monday, February 04, 2008

what I miss

Sometimes I think about what I miss about nursing. Not for very long ofcourse and is ofcourse one word or two? Google says it's two but I have always made it one...
I miss hanging out with my friends, not really. Nursing is filled with dysfunctional, anal retentive, low self esteem, general psychos that are occasionally fun to watch but over long periods of time their disorders can become infectious leading to what we euphemistically call bad morale .

I happened to watch TLC's Kate and something or other plus eight. I knew that woman was once a nurse. She's judgmental, terrifyingly anal and yet strangely entertaining.

I do miss the moment when you realize you are right on your game putting out fires all over the place and having your surgeon and staff say how glad they were that the experienced nurses were working tonight. That is when it's fun to be a nurse in the ICU.
I miss when the new med students come in. I love having a med student. I know the residents and fellows hate it. The don't like the responsibility and the time involved in teaching. They like it when one or two RN's do the orientation and help them learn how to present efficiently. I love the teaching involved with new nurses and docs.
I don't miss when the new fellows come in. They always have too much ego. They believe they have nothing new to learn and they are always a disaster for the first month. They need brutal retraining and I resent having to be the one to shove them off their high horse. Shouldn't that be the staff docs job?
I am of the opinion med students should be protected from the fellows and staff for at least the first three days. It's not fair to pick on someone when they haven't even found the bathroom yet.

I miss saving someones life. That cool team attack that grabs the patient and heaves them safely over the wall.

I don't think patients even know how close they have come to death and I bet if you told them they would be shocked and disbelieving.

What I really don't miss? Patients families. Lord I have always hated dealing with the patients families. I get that they are stressed and afraid but damn that still doesn't justify the bitch psycho behaviour they exhibit.
I read stories on the internet of families complaining about ridiculous things. The quality of the television, the food, people not "being nice" to them.Where does it say we have to be nice all the time? No, really? Why can't we just be professional, efficient and responsible?
That's just not enough for the masses though. They want all of that and a cuddle too. It's bizarre. I have witnessed absolute crap nursing and brilliant nursing as a charge nurse. The complaints always come from the brilliant nurses patient and their family. They don't feel listened too they say but that is bullshit, what they don't feel is what they always demand..absolute subservient fawning . They demand to have their suffering recognized as if it was the affliction in and of itself.
They disregard all the important care they receive. It's not enough.
It's why we now have all these ridiculous check lists asking us if we have met all the patients cultural and spiritual needs to their satisfaction. Can you imagine?
It's not enough that the nurse has fed you, bathed you, gave all your medications accurately and promptly, changed dressings, checked vitals, called the doc when necessary, got you up, put you down, got you to the bathroom, got you back to bed, made the bed, did all the teaching related to your admission, arranged all your tests, called the physiotherapist, the respiratory therapist, the occupational therapist, helped all the therapists do their job, called psych when you are depressed NOW it's my job to find out if you believe in God and what version of God you believe in. Then I have to find the representative of your God who is willing to visit a hospital. Then I have to arrange your bed placement to conform to your religion. I have to cater to your families inability to use an automatic door or a phone on a certain day of the week. I have to make sure your family gets food on that day too because it wouldn't be spiritually sensitive to make them do it themselves.
Then come the cultural issues. Some men of a certain ethnic persuasion believe women are servants and should and can be smacked around. Though I still maintain some rights at present I do wonder how much longer it will be before we are asked to take a beating in the name of patient and family focused care.
The food is our biggest cultural issue and God forbid you suggest that the family make their own food and bring it in. The shock of having to actually provide some form of caring infuriates them.
The second biggest issue is death and dying. The hidden psycho family members break out of their confinement to throw a wrench into the mix.
And ofcourse it's the nurses job to some how get these people under some control.
This is fraught with disaster for the nurse and will always result in some form of complaint from someone.

I think what I don't miss outweighs everything I do. It's really no wonder nurses are abandoning the job in droves.
No one really cares though. You could hire high school dropouts with a one week class and as long as they were subservient and fawning families would happily ignore the fact the patient is getting sicker and sicker. I means who really cares if the patient is getting timely care? Isn't it really more important the families feel that every one loves them?

Friday, February 01, 2008

thinking about stuff

I have an unusually compassionate little cat. She is spending a lot of her time lately cuddling our old dog. She seems to understand that he needs some company and offers it up. It's just a little weird to see. He is a really big old hound and she is a very, very small cat.

I watched the debate last night. I like Hilary. For a long time I didn't. If you asked me why I probably wouldn't have been able to tell you. I do think a small part of my dislike back then was because she wouldn't admit that her husband was a bastard out loud. I think if Hilary could have just said it we all could have shed that weird uncomfortable, elephant in the room feeling.
I guess I felt angry on her behalf and then felt stupid for it because she didn't seem to be all that bothered. It's really unsettling to throw your foot over your high-horse only to find out your damsel in distress couldn't give a shit either way. I mean was it patronizing to feel sympathy and anger? She is after all a modern woman able to stand and fight her own battles.
I guess that's why she picked up that "cold" adjective. I think we wanted her to throw herself into our laps sobbing so we could pat her gently on the head and rub her back and tell her to divorce the bastard. She refused and we felt slighted in some weird way.
It's sexist and conformist and all the other ists after that but it's the truth.
That was a small piece of it and the rest? I can't quite figure it out in my own head.
Now? I like her. I like her laugh. Her face does this thing right before she laughs and then she lets go and it makes me laugh. Somehow she seems to be getting lighter, freer as this contest continues. I feel like she finally knows herself and in figuring that out she has stopped worrying about the nitpickers, backbiters and bitches.
I don't have a clue if she would be the best President, I am Canadian but I do think she would be a good friend. And maybe in knowing that she can be considered trustworthy enough to look out for people who don't have one.
Obama, on the other hand has struck me just very recently as too stagey. In the beginning he had such a true voice. His voice reflected his interest, his passion but now he sounds like an amateur actor reading the teleprompter, not entirely convinced with the plot. I think it's all got away from him somehow. This thing has become too large, too far from his control and he has lost his conviction in the story being told. I watch his eyes when he speaks and they have gone blank. This is a speech he has memorized so well his brain has checked out.
I think he would have been so much better off without the Kennedy endorsements. That is one crown that does weigh too heavily on anyones head and he is too new to this game to be shouldered with carrying that boulder. Being anointed by the Kennedy's is not going to be helpful against McCain or any Republican.
I wish they has stayed home and left the candidates alone.
Obama may certainly be Presidential but there is something missing suddenly.........does he really have the stuff for the fight ahead? Hilary has tested him. Bill has tested him and he didn't fare that well.He got a little whiny, a little petulant or as one of the pundits said a little too little lord fauntelroy. If he cannot recover quickly from jabs from allies how can he battle a Republican who will literally stop at nothing to slander and defame?
I worry he doesn't have the stomach for a real fight.
Hilary on the other hand? That one cannot wait for the first round.

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