Friday, July 21, 2006


I sometimes have moments of ambition. I had thought I moved on from them, too old, too cynical but I have surprised myself.
I applied for a new job, knowing full well I may not get it. I am usually better at selfprotection. I don't like rejection, that awful humiliation when someone says thanks but no thanks.
I feel stupid for even applying...worse I am actually going to go through with the interview.

I love the idea of this job. It has such value. It could be an incredible step forward for patient care, patient safety. It could mend fences between services. It could help other nurses, teach them some wonderful crisis skills that will help them cope for their entire careers.
I want to be a part of that.

The problem? I went to nursing school..I didn't got to University for a Bachelors Degree in Nursing. I am a diploma nurse. I was trained in hospitals not classrooms.
I know the world has changed and it is important to have all those initials after your name but I can't afford to pay for those initials on a nurses salary.

I hope I interview well, I hope I can convey how hopeful I feel about this program. I hope I can deal with rejection with grace and not be an ass about being turned away from a job I want.

The situation in the middle east has become so bad I can't watch anymore. CNN makes me itch. Lou Dobbs makes me laugh though..he just cannot give up the illegal immigrant thing. He talks about the death and destruction in Lebanon and Israel and then follows it up with some lame ass comment about how illegal immigrants are destroying America.
Is immigration really an issue when the middle east is burning? I mean holy crap self involved or what? No one cares about it anymore Lou...we are watching the potential beginning to a world war here dumbass, Mexicans looking for work aren't going to lob grenades at your ass if you send them home so settle down .

I am fast losing any ability to think coherently about the subject, I waver from blaming Lebanon for allowing a terrorist organization to settle in their country and take over half of it to thinking well hell Hezbollah did fight to keep Israel out and did protect Lebanon when it counted right? To well Israel has a perfect right to freak out when they did everything the damn UN told them to and still had missiles lobbed at them and had their soldiers murdered and kidnapped.
Hell, if a bunch of terrorists tried that shit here I think we would promptly go nuclear on their asses and turn their patch of grass into glass. So why shouldn't Israel blow them up?
Well, because the whole world is in jeopardy now.
It's a slippery slope. If Israel invades Lebanon then Lebanon has to fight back, ofcourse Syria will side with Lebanon and Iran will side with Syria. Hezbollah will demand help and Syria and Iran will happily provide whatever they need.
What will the other Muslim countries do?
Well they have that terrifying religious imperative right? It will be a "holy" war and using nukes will be Gods will. So, we will have Lebanon, Palestine, Syria, Iran, half of Iraq not to mention Malaysia, and Pakistan and Afghanistan..hmmm who else? well Saudi will be the money guy along with Dubai right? This thing will snowball quickly...what about Jordan? and Turkey? which side do you choose when your neighbours have all aligned themselves?

Israel may have unleashed some really bad shit here. They may have been justified true but sometimes you have to suck it up and eat some awful shit to prevent something even worse.
I wish Israel had counted to twenty and not reacted so quickly and so violently.
I know I don't have the right to say that, I know that the provocation was something terrible but they were the grown ups. They should have known that they fell straight into the trap the Arab world has been planning since the day they arrived.

They went for the head butt you see. With Zidane it only meant a moments embarrassment and some community service for FIFA. Israel's headbutt may lead to a disaster we will never recover from.


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