Tuesday, April 04, 2006

all knowing immovable

I am a mother. I read dooce and I read the comment section and all I can say is you are scary people. The "you" is all those whacked out cult members who cannot , will not refuse a chance to hurl insults at another human being (and have inca in your name).
I personally think any mother who brings her children into her bed and keeps them there for years suffers from a mental illness.
Bringing a baby into your bed is also the height of laziness. It says I am too lazy to get out of bed and feed my kid. It's not because you are "bonding" or making sure your child grows up to be a wonderful, responsible member of society, it's because you cannot be bothered to get your lazy behind out of bed.
Babies are not playthings to be molded to every whacked out theory you read about on the internet. They are people, people that need to learn how to adapt to the world around them. People that need to be shown how to do things.
Babies need to learn how to control themselves, how to find comfort within themselves.
Mothers who think that they need to strap their babies to their side twenty fours a day, snapping to attention at every snuffle, whimper or cry steal from their children. In their desperate need to feel needed these woman steal the self confidence of their children, steal their children's attempts at self mastery.
I imagine as their children get older they will hit the baseball , kick the soccer ball and crayon inside the lines for them. I know these are the very same women who make sure everyone gets a trophy at every sporting event..The illustrious "participation" trophy because in their bizarre version of the world everyone is a winner!
These woman raise children dissatisfied with everything. Their children are the ones screaming and running crazed in restaurants and malls because to curtail their child's "exuberance"( read complete lack of self control) may stunt them emotionally..God forbid you hurt their feelings..they may grow up mad at their mommy.
And that is the root right there isn't it?
All this parenting attachment crap is a defensive move. These woman grew up resenting or disliking their own parents and by behaving like needy toddlers to their own children they can say to themselves "well I did everything right" in that hateful, self righteous tone that makes their children shudder and grit their teeth.

What I find most grating is these women let their children wail,scream until they puke in every public venue possible because to exert control over their children would hurt their feelings but the very thought of allowing the very same behavior at bed time is child abuse...only then is it okay to intervene.
Don't let the bullshit throw you..The continued interventions all night long are an act of control and aggression against the child. It's passive aggressive at it's very worst. It teaches the baby that to cry is the correct response to everything. It reinforces every fear, it teaches the baby that it has no control over it's own feelings...Only mommy can solve every problem, only mommy can make the world right, only mommy is in control. Mother as deity.
What a terrible thing to teach a baby.
Allowing a baby to cry for a little while is a good thing. It allows the baby to soothe itself, it teaches the baby that it can find mastery and control..It is the building of self confidence.

Mothers that refuse to teach self mastery are mentally ill. They are so ego driven they need everything to be all about them. Everything their child does is a reflection of how damn wonderful they are. These mothers have nothing in their lives but their children. They are so bored, so unfulfilled they have decided that a baby can fill the vacuum. They take mothering on like a science project...research, research, research then focus groups, project meetings and when they have swallowed whole some gibbering idiots theories they implement them on their unsuspecting baby. But that is not good enough.Like any good convert to a cult they must spread the good word and woe to those who don't agree. Because for them someone disagreeing is terrifying. They have so little faith in themselves that even the remotest hint that their new guru may be wrong incenses them. They overflow with hysterical hate..and then they walk away from the computer and tell their baby mommy is always right. Never doubt mommy, never question mommy ever.

Well here is a hint, I think you are creating a monster that has no confidence, no manners and cannot control their behavior...The perfect recipe for addiction, criminality and sociopathic behavior.
I recommend you don't have any pets but I am sure when your little boy murders the cat you will joyfully announce his newfound interest in biology and will tell all your friends he's going to be a doctor when he grows up.

I let my kid cry and she is a high school honour student that is able to sleep through the night all by herself without a pacifier or her mommy patting her head all night long.
I wonder if it will be considered child abuse if you have your fifteen year old in bed with you with a boob and a pacifier? When will it be okay with you to allow your child independence of thought and movement?
The very thought terrifies the "attachment" group. Their whole goal is to attach their children to them just like shiny jewelry.

Babies need their own bed, toddlers need their own bed and their own room. Mothers need to stop being so damn weird, crazy and selfish.
There are some really basic rules to parenting..Don't beat your kids ever and spanking is beating, don't molest your children or allow them to be molested, keep your children free of lice (this means clean clothes and bathing) stay sober when you have children, don't bring strangers into your home until they stop being strangers and become trusted friends, have enough money to support yourself and your children..Don't expect your mate to pay all the bills forever, stay current on your education and job skills.
Teach your children the difference between home rules and outside in the world rules...that means teach them respect and some manners. Let your kids cry, we don't always have to stuff our emotions like crazy people..crying when tired and frustrated is NORMAL, stop trying to control the emotions of your children..Let them cry and let them figure out how to stop crying. This means at bedtime or any other time, have enough sense to take your kid to the car when they lose it..It's humiliating to freak out so don't force your kid to do it front of a restaurant full of people okay? If it was your girlfriend you would take her to the bathroom for some privacy why not give your kid the same respect?
Stop worrying about what your kid is eating, they are people remember? They get the right to refuse food they don't want just like you..It's a not a personal attack if they just want to eat peanut butter and crackers for a week so get over yourself already.
Stop worrying about the future, try paying attention to right now. Stop patting yourself on the back for how terribly wonderful you are, nothing you are doing is new or in fact all that interesting.
Your goal as a parent should be raising a self confident, polite, respectful human being with the skills to find self fulfillment..not mommy fulfillment..self.

What the hell has gone so wrong with mothers? When did raising children become a competitive bloodsport? I think it is because some of you have too much time on your hands and a vicious self loathing.
I bet the worst of you used to dress your tiny little dog in homemade clothes..you did didn't you? Hats too and rain slickers and a little baggie to pick up their tiny little poo.

To the worst of you over at dooce...I hope your children don't end up accepting Buffalo Bill as their own personal savior but after seeing how easily their mothers drank the kool-aid I think our chances are slim.

I agree completely with Heather, she did what her child needed and to all you baby whisperers out there..come on, you are taking advice from a guy who ripped off the idea from a carnival worker.(.for those that know anything about working on the backstretch you will get the joke.)
Holy Jesus.. calling yourselves baby whisperers now..can it get any more pathetic?


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