adventures in disaster

nostalgia

Google can be a tool for good and evil. Once in awhile I feel a little evil. I wander around looking at old boyfriends. Yes, I am not alone. But what freaks me out is my old boyfriends appear to have been set in stone. They never moved. They are living exactly where I left them. Me, on the other hand I have moved, conservative guess ,about thirty times. In fact I have moved to other countries.
They have not.
Did I know they would remain stodgy, starchy, chained to their place? Maybe I guessed at it and ran.
My past boyfriends were all nice guys. I never got beat , insulted or humiliated. They loved me kindly, with care. That didn't stop me from kicking them to the curb.
I think I must have known they would never leave the life they were living.
Because I was raised by psychotic wolves all I knew was I had to escape. I tried escaping through these kind men but their escape was just another trap and any mammal can smell a trap, even if it's laced with honey and hugs.
I want to feel bad for these men that never left . The same phone number for twenty years? The same cramped one bedroom apartment? Familiarity can be a comforting thing but it can also cause stagnation. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they rejoice in the sameness of their days. Same friends, same bar, same bowling alley......oh god, how fucking boring does your life have to get?
I wish them well anyway. They were good, cheerful men.

posted by adventures in disaster @ 10:47 PM