Sunday, November 12, 2006


I'm sick again. How can that be you ask? Because I take some nasty drugs. These drugs slyly work on my immune system. They don't do that much damage, just enough to leave me as vulnerable as any four year old in daycare.
You all know that one kid in school, runny nose, deep bronchial bark all year round..Well that's me all grown up!
I play with the idea of quitting these drugs but I did it once before and well, the results weren't pretty. I was bedridden until I started them again. I was also in so much pain I was less than friendly.
So, perpetual cold or laying in bed contemplating how to kill myself without having to actually move?. Holding your breath doesn't work by the way.Obviously I lack imagination and chose the runny nose.
My doc has recommended many interesting things over the years. Because I was so over medicated I actually tried them. I had large needles filled with steroids shoved into my epidural space by medical students, I took large amounts of narcotics that left me a drooling ghost of myself. I had surgery and that, surprising to everyone involved except for me and the surgeon worked quite well. It is bizarre how some doctors are rabidly anti surgery. One of my docs stopped speaking to me for a while after my surgery.
When he realized it worked he gave me a lecture on luck. I was lucky I wasn't paralyzed or made retarded or worse, I still can't decide what he thought what could be worse.
Needless to say I don't see him very much anymore.

Despite the success of my surgery some of symptoms are permanent. I guess I could sue the ass off all the docs that actively discouraged and delayed my surgery but I don't see these docs as having done anything wrong.
I researched the hell out of my surgery. I knew the odds weren't all that great, I knew it wouldn't solve all my problems and might create new ones. I made a choice despite some docs howling no.
They didn't prevent my surgery because they were bad or negligent doctors. Actually they spent a lot of time considering and reconsidering, researching and looking at statistics.
They gave me their best advice. Some were surgery adverse because they had patients that had failed surgeries and they had a personal connection. It did colour their view. But they were honest about that.
Yes, if I had my surgery immediately after the accident I would not have the pain I have to live with now. But my doctors weren't being negligent. They used the knowledge they had and guided me as best they could.
The job of the patient is to know when that is not enough. Sometimes you have to push past your docs inner conservative. I told my doc the time had come for me to look in a different direction. Sure, he was a little put out but we moved past it.
We worked together and found a guy we both quite liked to do my operation. We both enjoyed it's success.
But that leaves the lingering injury and my docs reaction to it. I thought I was open minded but he has lost his mind in the search for a better answer to my pain control.
I have tried acupuncture, no it didn't work but you do get a nice placebo effect for an hour or two...A little euphoria is a good bonus after getting stuck with teeny tiny needles.
He signed me up for crack pot specialists that want all their money up front..We had a good laugh over that one. He signed me up for meditation! Buddhist Zen stuff...All "lets take deep cleansing breaths and blow away all negative emotions". Great! Next he will sign me up to become a Scientologist..I can hardly wait!
I like him a lot . Even though he seems to be pawing through the yellow pages for weird ass treatments at least he cares enough to try.
I think he is also getting a little tired of hearing me blow my nose and hack up something foul....He is a neurologist, snot is way out of his comfort zone.


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