adventures in disaster

bereft

I have no instincts to rely on when my family is in crisis . I am so offended when one of my tribe is afflicted with a fatal disease I am rendered speechless, motionless. I can only offer up I love you.
I used to think in terms of fairness and unfairness. I wanted to believe that bad people got karmically punished somehow. That cancer and heart disease and horrific car crashes were reserved for people who had done something wrong.
Now I know these terrible things are reserved for kind people. People that have done nothing wrong. They are pleasantly living their lives being quietly happy and then they get struck down without warning.
Evil people get rich and drive nice cars and travel to beautiful places eating the best food and having banal sex with supermodels. They commit crimes against people, property and the environment, greedily screwing everyone and anything to make another buck to add to their stack. These people die of Alzheimers at the age of ninety five surrounded by an army of medical staff and a thrilled supermodel.
The kind people die in a ward with their family hitting the call bell over and over.

I don't believe in God. I know that no God would allow this. I believe that at one time there may have been a God but he has wandered off bored with it all.
Free will explains nothing. Did God gave free will so we could die in agony of bone cancer? Did someone say "well I have free will so I will choose to die in unrelieved agony" ??? What free choice was involved here?
I think it's all bull. Written by powerless men afraid of the dark. Foisted upon people to corral and control them.
I look at believers and cringe. Must I keep my mouth shut? It will be better to not say anything, maybe that belief gives them comfort in their final hours and my opinion is just angry ramblings that will make a painful moment worse. I will shut up.
If they need to hold on to a God that would allow this travesty that is their right. I hate this God though.

On a side note why are so many people pissed off about Madonna adopting that baby? So what if she lined them up like a litter of puppies? So what if she bypassed the laws? That kid has hit the lottery. He is escaping an orphanage and a family that can't care for him.
Madonna's other two kids look okay, they don't look rabid or anything so what the hell..his father is okay with the adoption so who the hell are we to bitch?
I did laugh when the kids uncle wanted to be "involved" with the kids life, in England ofcourse heh.. smart move to get on the gravy train so quickly.

posted by adventures in disaster @ 10:03 PM