Monday, February 20, 2006

being itchy

I have a special kind of pain. My pain is nerve pain. It is an incessant burning and tingling. Try a little experiment for me. Try to remember the last time your foot or hand fell asleep. Try to recreate it. Feel the numbness? and now change positions and let the blood flow back to that foot or hand. Feel the tingling? The burning? Yup, that's what I feel except turn the volume up on that about a hundred plus.
So , we all can agree no one can actually function with that right?
So, I have to take drugs. I made a choice to add a new one and slowly get rid of an old one.
Lyrica(pregablin) was going to be my new best friend. It held out the promise of a better,smarter,skinnier more painfree me! Who could resist? Not me.
I started it after researching the hell out of it and researching people who had already had a go with it. The worst I could find was it could make you itch, cause skin problems.
I thought that's beautiful. The last new drug I tried I spent hours contemplating killing myself until it wore off..itching was so ..pussy.
I have to report that itchy ain't pussy at all if it's you that's itchy. Damn I am itchy and after two trips to the doc for steroid cream I can honestly say I am beaten.
For a few days I looked like a chicken pox victim. And to those who kept saying "stop scratching you're only making it worse"..shut up okay. I know I am shredding my skin , I can't help it. It itches.
Lyrica is not the drug for me> I can't really know if it works because I could never get to the therapeutic dose..too damn itchy.

I am signed up for acupuncture. I researched that too. The clinical trials are really supportive and the upside is there are no side effects. Unless your practitioner is reusing needles and being gross but I am seeing a hospital based pro. Well,I will be seeing her. As soon as I get the courage to go. It's the needles.I hate needles. I had an EMG study where they inserted these huge needles into muscles and it hurt very badly. I can't get that memory out of my head. I know that the acupuncture needles are finer than a hair but still? They're needles right?




I tried to watch House tonight.The love affair is over.It seems stale and angry. The writers seem at war to me. It is as if they cannot decide who House is. House has become so nasty,so racist,so homophobic, so misogynistic to be likeable. I can't find anything redeemable or sympathetic about him. I have chronic pain but I don't bleed hate. I don't make my co-workers cringe at my filthy thoughts. Sure they cringe when I am short tempered when things aren't going they way I want them to but I don't attack them personally. They are the people that support me, help me when I am exhausted,too sore to finish what I want so badly to do. Why would I or House alienate the very people that make our jobs doable? It rings false and I am irritated by it. Why is this guy getting away this behaviour? Why has no writer gone after him? Why is he untouchable? As far as I can tell he is usually wrong fifty percent of the time, his patients always suffer for his mistakes, his behaviour so why the untouchable shit?

Hugh Laurie is wonderful, a fine actor but I wish he would make a stand in the writers room and say okay that's enough. Let's get back to what made this good and leave the really nasty shit alone . That includes the whole drug addict vs asshole crap. Chronic pain doesn't disappear with psychotherapy or placebo, either play it straight or don't mention chronic pain. This story line just trashed about a million people who would give a limb if a sugar pill and a few sessions with the friendly shrink stopped their pain.



In other news the cat went into heat today and that sucks. I like to wait until a cat is a year old or so to get them fixed. I know most vets say six months but I want my pets to reach full maturity.Shutting down their hormones before they are fully grown always concerned me. But I can't wait any longer. She almost made it and is a good weight,size so I don't think it will be a problem. I do not believe in that ridiculous "they need one litter" crap myth though. Having babies does nothing for growing strong bones and immune systems, in fact it probably does the opposite when they are too young to breed. Heaven knows this world doesn't need any more kittens.


I had to laugh when I saw some maniac had decided to redo When a stranger Calls. I saw that when I was a teenager and thought what crap and my kid went and came home and announced "what crap" hee. Nice to see what comes around goes around. What hurts is it cost me less than a dollar and she spent eight.I want to see freedomLand. It looks good but I am afraid it has a "message". To repeat myself,I hate messages. After Crash I don't think I am ready for another message on white/black relations or the lack thereof.

Oh lord the cats are cuddling, poor boy cat..it's too late for you to do anything about your girlfriends state..it's a cruel,cruel world.

2 Comments:

At 11:23 PM, Blogger Ginger said...

Hi - just surfed into your blog and read this post. Have the docs ruled out neuritis and neuropathy? I've had a podiatrist tell me my tingling burning sometimes partly numb feet and ankles is neuritis. And my sleep specialist, who is also a neurologist, called it neuropathy. I don't know if either one of them is right. I hope the acupuncture works for you -- and I hope you post about it, whether it works or not. Best of luck to you.

 
At 10:36 PM, Blogger adventures in disaster said...

hi ginger
I have sciatica from exploded lumbar discs..the story is a little farther down in Part 3.
Tingling,burning feet can be a ersult of untreatd diabetes..diabetic neuropathy..neuritis is just another way to say the same thing.
neuritis= nerve inflammation

 

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