Monday, March 13, 2006

Oh how I love thee

The Sopranos that is. Junior! We never suspected for a moment.
I loved the premiere. It reminded me that it wasn't about glamour, it is a brutal soul destroying way of life. Introducing a brand new character as if we had known him all along was genius and honestly we did know him. He was Tony if Tony had not become boss, he was Tony before we met him. I also think he represented what Tony ultimately wants, to escape the life.
I understood why he took his own life. He was trapped by his own actions, his needs. He could not betray Tony without betraying himself, he had nowhere to go. The feds will give him the chair or Tony will put a bullet in his head. He made his own way out.

Long day of doing nothing, waiting for my patient. It's weird to have to wait, wondering if the surgery was a success, will they be easy or difficult to care for? I guess it's a little like family in the waiting room without the personal,emotional connection.

We were talking seriously today about leadership. A lack of leadership sours an entire organization. A good leader is smart, educated about what they are managing. They have real experience so they can understand the needs of the people and the area they manage.
A good leader can make decisions, easy ones and really painful ones. Good managers support their staff always.They are always on their teams side, presenting a united strong front.
Bad managers haven't got a clue about their employees and have never done the job they are supervising. They are indecisive , constantly trying to please everyone.Always trying to avoid conflict so everyone will like them. Bad managers are not interested in education, they do their best to avoid creating time for new learning experiences. They are obsessed with the schedule and track sick time fanatically.Always thinking someone is trying to beat the system, always cynical.
I hate a bad manager. Even when they are good, kind people bad leaders suck the energy from the entire team.
I have been ridiculously lucky in my career. I have had brilliant managers, full of excitement and energy. They are thrilled with any success, small or huge.
I have had strong decisive managers.
I have only had one bad experience long ago when I was quite ill and struggling. It was a very sad experience that reminded me managers are not my friend. They are my employer.
It has changed how I interact with my manager now. I am impressed and feel supported and appreciated and even better understood but still: my manager right?
I had a friend who had a hilarious manager who honestly could not remember the line between employer/employee. He would tell everything to anyone anytime. My friend couldn't wait to call and tell me about the latest wild ride of her boss. He was unhappily married , with a scary girlfriend and a bad drug habit. He would talk about his sad sex life asking everyone for advice.
Despite everyone telling him that his girlfriend was a nightmare he divorced his wife and married her. Shortly after the honeymoon he started coming in with black eyes...No one wanted to be the one to ask what was going on..ofcourse they didn't have to..He couldn't wait to tell all.
He insanely found himself a new girlfriend and his brand new second wife found out and had taken to beating him up.
What do you say to a guy who can't keep it in his pants two weeks after his honeymoon? When he is your boss? She quit . I thought it was the only move she had..Who knows what the insane wife would have done next? She heard through the expert hospital grapevine that he had to call the cops in the middle of the night because she gave him the beating of his life. He moved out and became a medical missionary in South America or the alternate story was he went into a psych hospital for six months...Who knows?
That is my idea of a really bad boss.

I am struggling again with my medications and tomorrow I finally get to try acupuncture. I hope the reader that wanted to know about it will drop by tomorrow night when I tell all.
I also want anyone who has questions about drugs and procedures to feel free to ask. I always think arming yourself with some ideas can be helpful. It is only my experience though, many people have different experiences. I can only talk about what I went through and direct you to others who have gone through the same . Chronic pain is different for everyone. In my "real" life I know three people who have gone through completely different procedures but we can still share our feelings about life and the struggle to work everyday despite our deficits. I do want this blog to be a two way conversation if people have an interest.
Right now I am struggling to find words. A side effect I think of some of my drugs. It is irritating and embarrassing. I have the word in my head I just can't spit it out. It's not quite a stutter really, just a long pause. Everyone is getting used to it and are allowing me that moment instead of playing the word game.
Everyone has experienced the word game:
"Is it a car?"
Is it a house?"
"a dog?"
"NO, give me a second okay?"
"um," what were we talking about again?"
"I can't remember"

Better to just allow for the pause right?
It is amazing that they put up with me, bad back, can't talk..Thank goodness my brain is still valuable. The minute I start forgetting the nursing stuff I am doomed.

I am listening to the news right now. I think it would be incredibly hard to give up a body part..Maybe for my kid or my siblings but I don't think for anyone else. They are talking about how both people will then be unable to work..So no job, no money..Social assistance,.
You can go broke and become homeless...Wow.
I then thought about that jerk who promised his kid a kidney and the judge let him out of prison to take the tests and he bolted. He offered his kid the kidney as a con..It is so low an act it can hardly be described. I wonder what the other prisoners will be thinking when they finally catch him and lock him up?
My hope for that guy is he needs a kidney. No punishment is worse than never ending dialysis while your body slowly deteriorates around you. He can know intimately how his child suffered because of him.
I am good at retribution. I used to spend a lot of time thinking about it before I got tired and stopped caring.

I have a secret, I hate Wolf Blitzer. I think he has mumble mouth (right I am one to talk). He sounds all full of saliva and sloppy tongue. Not that I ever think of Wolf that way but still..All that "you're in the thitsuAtation room" and he can't help repeating his own last three words, like a tic of some kind. I just don't like him and I do remember that time when he got lost in Iraq so his credibility isn't there. What gets me is how he reacts when that old "curmudgeon" Jack Cafferty blurts out something completely outrageous, he is stone faced. That is when I get that he isn't listening to a word anyone else is saying. He is just waiting for his cue to say "this is the thitsuAtion room. Weird right? Jack is another story. He is hilarious because he knows no one is listening. Everyone is talking over each other desperate to get their three minutes of camera time and Jack couldn't care less...So he makes me laugh.
I can't watch the other guy..Mr Immigration..As if immigration is a brand new concept just thought up by radical communists. Interesting side note: with an increase in immigration studies have shown the crime rate dramatically drops. Immigrants that move into small neighborhoods with a collective sense of community create a social conscious that prevents crime. Why doesn't anyone talk about that?


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