adventures in disaster

Jenin, Jenin, Jenin

2009-11-10T19:28:00.000-08:00

God it's amazing listening to the Israeli propaganda bullshit in this Global documentary. I love that everybody is denying the massacre because there weren't enough bodies to meet the UN definition. What kind of fucked up world is it when we actually have a definition of massacre that involves a body count.
Israel is nothing more than South Africa 20 years ago. It's apartheid clear and simple. The Israelis are intent on wiping out the Palestinians and the Palestinians are intent on wiping out Israelis, a reciprocal apartheid.
The ridiculous idea that these two parties can get their own personal shit together enough to work out some kind of friendly neighbour relationship is the very definition of insanity.
The Israelis actually snuck bodies out of Jenin to push the numbers down and the Palestinians were holding fake funerals for the press to push the numbers up but the Israelis made what I consider the most grotesque move in history.
They brought bulldozers !!!. Who the hell brings bulldozers to a firefight? With air support, tanks and rocket cover they bulldozed the refugee camp full of civilians. They bulldozed 7% of an entire city. Now if you believe this documentary 7% ain't nothing at all. So I ask you, if 7% of Israel just disappeared tomorrow would anyone really notice? I mean 7% is nothing at all, meaningless right?
So for the thousands of Jews who have just become homeless who cares, according to this reporter, suck it up .
Why is it when Palestinians die the media immediately adds up every attack on Israeli soil and then announces that the Palestinians should just suck it up, we have more dead than you so who cares about your loss? It' creepy and weird and they need to cut it out.
Israel regularly cuts off all water and electricity to the West bank and all other Palestinian refugee camps..(.refugee camps, can you imagine that they still exist?) . Cutting off all emergent hospital care, turning off the beloved ventilators of the Jews(that is another whole thing that makes me nuts, if you are so Orthodox you cant open a door on the Sabbath how come it's ok that your brain dead 95 year old mother can stay on a ventilator? oh I remember, if you are Jewish you aren't allowed to die naturally with dignity, you have to have every possible medical intervention known to man and then some including wasting millions of health care dollars ventilating your brain dead family member cause you don't believe in brain death, that would be crazy..)and leaving babies and children, pregnant and nursing mothers without water......apartheid nothing more and then the Palestinians start lobbing rockets at innocent Israelis and apartheid again

We need some grown ups to get over there and start knocking heads because these two groups are acting like four years old in the playground except they have guns and that just can never end well.
What we do need to do is to stop airing idiot documentaries that have obvious Israeli bias, it's embarrassing and only serves to piss everyone off and that isn't helping anyone. You are right it wasn't a massacre, it was just 70 dead people and the destruction of an entire neighbourhood of thousands of people, nothing at all to see here, move along, nothing to see here, move along...nothing to see here, move along.......

Fox news

2009-08-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

Are these people for real? No, really does anyone know if these people go home and behave like this when they aren't on tv? Shouldn't someone being investigating the safety of their children?
I know that Bill O'Reilly and Glen Beck are insane in a scary, I have no control over my temper, let me grab your ass lady kind of way so if they have children is anyone checking to make sure they are okay?
These are people you read about in all those apocalyptic books and movies. They are the ones who cheerfully resort to keeping people for food while creating a religious army bent on creating a fundamentalist chistian old testament world where they get to kill and eat anyone who disagrees with them.
These are the people who support Israel not because they like Jews but because their crazy ass interpretation of the bible demands that the Jews have to start the apocalypse, without them these scary crazy people can't get to the rapture.
These are also the people who are constantly baffled about Islamic suicide bombers.......Maybe it's just too close to what they want to do to their own Obama voting countrymen and the cognitive dissonance freaks them out.

I do have to admit I am finding Obama a bit pathetic. He is the President and he is too timid to use the power he has. He wants everyone to agree with him and that's ridiculous. He can't even get his own party to agree with him. What he has spectacularly failed to understand is that anyone in the senate or congress has only one purpose, re-election. This is their job for life and they will do nothing that threatens their re-election or turns off the corporate money they need to pay for their television ads.
I have to laugh at how quickly Obama has backed off the public option, it's not only the sad lack of commitment worse it shows that no one has taken any time to actually sit down and draft the plan they want and then effectively communicate to the country.
Because they have no plan and only vague ideas they message is garbled and perfect for misrepresentation.
The Republican plan for paying doctors to speak to the elderly about end of life care would make every nurse, doctor and hell, their own families life so much easier. It's no treat trying to decide what mama would have wanted when mama is hooked to ventilator, dialysis machine and in a coma. What a great idea to get mama to write down what she wants in those circumstances but hell, no! Why have a convenient, helpful, truthful document outlining all the treatments mama would like to try, why not just let us guess?
Or how about we have mama begging to die but because there is no living will, no record of discussion with anyone we just ignore her and keep flogging her dying body?
What those right wing, left wing fanatics don't get is we wont remove care if we don't have a living will, we WILL DO EVERYTHING and a little more to your 90 year old , demented, crippled with arthritis, in heart failure, kidneys failing mom.
First she gets a tracheotomy and a ventilator( she can't talk), then we insert a tube directly to her stomach so we can feed her( she will never taste real food again). a foley catheter for urine she wont make because she is on dialysis through a huge deep line in her chest, neck or groin, she needs another deep line on the other side for all the medications required to create a blood pressure( drugs so toxic her fingers and toes will turn black and eventually fall off on their own or will need to be amputated). Mom will have no hands or feet! But that's okay she is still alive, sort of.We had to sedate her because she was in so much pain and hated the ventilator. So, now she is comatose! We don't stop there! Now all those hospital germs and viruses have lots of ways in and boy they are in your mom! Now she has uncontrollable diarrhea!, lungs filled with pus! and open infected bed sores!
Isn't it great that we did everything? Isn't it great that we did away with that nasty idea of talking about end of life care?
Death should never be discussed in America! Americans don't die, what are you suggesting? And since we know Americans don't die you must be talking about MURDERING MY MOTHER!!!!!!!
That is actually the way Sarah Palin actually thinks.

Some part of me really wishes Obama would grow a pair and let the nutjobs have it just like Barney Frank but it doesn't look very likely does it?
How embarrassing to let a bunch of sociopathic, red neck racist nutcases define your message...and worse let them scare you off.
These people are the very bottom of the gene pool, maybe we could enact death panels for them? We could call it the TOO Stupid to Live commission and Rush Limbaugh is up first. He needs a court ordered detox first though but the minute we get him off the Oxy he's up!

being a student when you are old

2009-07-25T11:40:00.000-07:00

I am really liking taking online classes. They are so straight forward, you do the work at your own pace with no interference or classes to drive to. You don't have to worry about your professor liking you or finding friends or worst of all being forced into groups to do lame presentations that no one but you bothered to do.
If you have a disability they are great.
I am a quarter of the way to the finish and I sure hope it is going to be worth it.

I am trying to stop upsetting myself

2009-07-04T14:34:00.000-07:00

So I took the post down. I am trying to believe that only good things are going to happen and I really need to just lighten up a little more.

Does any one but me remember that Micheal Jackson at one time was pretty much a confirmed child predator accused by multiple children of having touched them inappropriately?
Amazing that an alleged pedophile is now being worshiped as a god.
This is the same guy that arranged the creation of his own non biological children that he made no effort to adopt legally.
His "children' are not even related to him.
He was obviously raised by wolves and now these wolves get to raise these children.
Debbie Rowe is right to make her move to get her kids back as quickly as possible and she is willing to take the one whose mother was a "surrogate" who has no interest in taking custody and the father is an unknown sperm donor.

Oh well, time for a nap.

on hope

2009-03-02T14:51:00.000-08:00

After struggling for months I have finally found some relief. Enough that I can start writing again.
Sometimes I just give up for a little while and sit on the couch awaiting rescue. I don't know if it is depression or just the constant pain that grinds me down to a tiny version of myself.
The only problem with beginning to feel better is the realization that I have nothing.
Nothing to do all day, no job, no school. Just hours to fill.
Being disabled doesn't mean you are disabled from everything but it's hard to explain that to anyone because it doesn't fit what they have decided to believe.
They and by they I mean the doctors, the insurance, the employment and the family all make up their minds that disabled means unable to do.
You become defined by the list of things you can no longer do and no one including me thinks to start paying attention to the things I can still do. My brain still functions quite well on my good days but for my employer that isn't good enough. I can't blame them but I can still wish their could be some flexibility to their thinking.
I still have something to offer but no one wants what I am selling because it comes with strings.

Soon I will have to experience the grotesquery of the NEL. The NEL is non economic loss settlement. They say it is not for your pain and suffering it is just an award for what you have lost.
It comes in a percentage. A percentage that represents what has been taken from you and will never be returned.
so how do I explain this to some nameless, faceless accountant?
What percentage do I get because my bladder and bowels are at best unreliable? They are anatomically correct, they are not physically broken even when you look at them close up...the secret is only revealed when the nerves are stimulated and they respond with a big wet raspberry and work when they want to in their own time. So what percentage is that?
Do we take one week and multiply the normal by the abnormal?
How about pain? How disabled am I by pain? When I have bad pain I am 100% disabled from it.
When my meds are working well my pain becomes just background noise , is that 10%?
When I walk or sit for more than thirty minutes it takes an hour of laying down to cool the pain but then I am back up again...how can this be quantified? What algorithm exists that rates your pain in percentage points?
What kind of monster sat down to create this work of mathematical lunacy?
And of course there is a trick in all of this. A trick to punish and destroy.
If this diabolical accountant decides that your award is zero you are then cut off entirely from all support despite everyone agreeing you are "disabled".You are just not disabled enough to quantify or maybe you are too disabled to quantify......
You have no choice in this either. You can not say "no thank you, I have no interest in playing pick your number". You must submit.
And that is what it's all about right?
First you submit to your injury and you submit to the care of your doctors and then you submit to your employer,your insurance and yourself.
Now I submit to my pain, my inability to move when I want to, the "drug interactions" that lead to "side effects" and I submit to the people who pay me so I can continue to be paid, so I can pay for the medications that grant me that one bright day.

I have no choice but to submit and that is what being disabled means, submission.
I would make a great nun or priest, I can submit so well you would think I was co-operative.

back from the ether

2009-02-08T15:01:00.000-08:00

Hi!
I waited so long no one is reading at all anymore! Okay so it's not like I had thousands waiting with bated breath for my next witty comment on the ridiculousness of human nature but with this Obama thing I just couldn't stay away.
Why are Americans so crazy? Why have half of you anointed Obama your leader for life and the other half have declared him Satan?
It's like watching the recreation of the Roman Empire with all this indiscriminate spending, out of control debt and endless celebrations of the new God.
The truly great Depression has arrived and while the rest of the world spends what little money they have left on health care and education the US cheerfully cuts all it's education spending and then terrorizes one of the few guys willing to take on the disaster that is American health care because he has a lousy accountant. Way to keep your eye on the ball guys!
A stimulus bill that offers nothing at all to anyone who just missed there mortgage payment and lost their job..oh wait..they get an extra hundred on the dole. Of course nobody mentions that Unemployment payments are less than poverty level and don't include health care.

You may get a tax break though! Just think, you might get an extra few hundred back! Maybe enough to pay that electric bill to keep the heat on.

How about handing every man, woman and child a hundred grand grant to pay all their bills, keep them in their house and buy stuff and maybe get together with a few friends and start a little business!
Look at that!
All the businesses get paid regularly, the bank gets it's mortgage money, people keep their jobs and their homes. Money keeps circulating and everybody stops freaking each other out telling the chicken little story over and over.

Give real people real money so they can maintain the economy just like we always have. Stop giving nameless, blameless global conglomerates more cash to hoard.

Obama has no answers, he has already fallen for the biggest lie lobbyists have always told politicians...give us the money...we can fix everything!

Palin

2008-09-16T21:34:00.000-07:00

Here is what I have heard so far about Palin:

She supports animal torture and rewards anyone who brings in the foreleg of a wolf with cash.
She enjoys killing endangered species and encourages it.

She made it law that any woman who makes a complaint of rape has to pay for the rape kit needed for trial. Ain't that sweet.

She believes that only her family has the right to fertility choice.

She left the city in which she was mayor 20 million dollars in debt...a neat trick for a place that wouldn't even be eligible for township in any other state because it's population was too small.

Despite saying in every speech that she rejected the bridge to nowhere she in fact heartily accepted it and when the shit hit the fan she panicked and instead of sticking to her obviously nonexistent "principles" she said no to the bridge but she said yes, yes, yes to the money for it. No one really knows where that money went either because it seems she had some problems with the guy whose responsibility was to control the budget...seems he may have been honest and worse he may have supported her ex brother in law in his custody dispute with her sister..so of course she fired his ass. Now she is refusing to co-operate with the investigation because two of the unanimously selected senators are Democrats who...gasp..support Obama!!!!!
Gotta love that truth and openness..that straight talk express...

She also believes homosexuality is a sin and a mental illness requiring psychiatric treatment. I guess we can assume she isn't into gay marriage either.
She believes in the apocalyptic church, meaning she believes in revelations and the end of times...comforting that a possible world leader is looking forward cheerfully to the end of the world.

So go out and vote for Palin, she thinks that electrocuting, shooting or trapping wild animals is great, she believes that rape and babies are a fine and happy mix, she has never left the country, she has never met a world leader, it took her six colleges to get a bullshit journalism degree and she thinks the secret to fixing the horrific banking crisis is to wait until the election and then maybe get the congress together and maybe get some regulations in place that will make sure that government gets out of the way of big business...yes, you did read that right...yes, she is a moron. I can't think of a better idea than to wait six months before intervening in the banking crisis by stripping away what useless regualtions are still left, hell by then there wont be anything left to intervene in.

I warned over and over again that if America wasn't careful China would own it.
Give it six months and who ever is elected will be answering to Saudi and China before they can make any decisions or worse they will ignore any help and inflation will be fifty percent.

How do you think Zimbabwe ended up as such a disaster? Because it was run by a dictator who refused to listen to anyone...is Bush, McCain, Palin any different?

American Idiots

2008-09-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

Only in America would a man with two teenage sons tell the police the reason he stayed in an area where he was told explicitly "if you stay you will die" is..wait for it...."hey, the surf looked really good".
Or even better: "we didn't want someone stealing our stuff"....the area is presently under thirty feet of water so what mad cap thieves in boats are wandering around looking to steal some idiots ten year old television?

What is maddening is these people are the very same people who call 911 and demand a rescue , demanding that someone else risk their life because of their idiocy. Why should anyone who has been told over and over to get the hell out have the right to a rescue?
Rescue yourself asshole, emergency providers have families and lives too and obviously your level of stupidity means society wont miss your contribution.

And why does CNN have reporters stuck on Galveston Island repeatedly saying people here are facing "certain death" while standing 10 feet from the sea wall? Are they trying to kill these guys? Maybe they were in contract talks and they weren't going all that well and this is a convenient way to settle the issue?

Why does CNN revel in natural disasters? I have spun the dial and no one else is covering this storm. Hell, no one is covering the massive dust storm in Arizona either.

I just want one question answered by Sara Palin..still think global warming doesn't exist?

And a few more for Palin..how come your kid gets to make a choice about having a kid but you have decided that no one else in the country should have that right? It's obvious that tragedy has never touched your family when you say any woman who has been raped by a stranger or a family member should be forced by law to have that child but it's fine to have an abortion "if the mothers life is in danger".
Obviously you are too stupid to live. Your argument is flawed moron. If it's okay to abort..it's okay to abort. By stating that a mother's life takes precedence over the life of a child and that the child can be aborted you are stating that the mother's life takes precedence. Her life holds more weight. Now square that thinking with your life begins at conception theory...aren't you advocating murdering a child to save it's mother?
You don't get to have it both ways idiot.
Either you believe that a woman has a right to choose or you believe that the child is a person with rights at conception. You cannot play semantics.
Either it's alive with rights or it isn't.
This is why no anti abortion right wing nutbar should get a single vote but hey it's America where half the country can't follow even a simple argument forget about a complicated one. Worse, they have the attention span of a four year old and the listening skills of a newborn. Ask half the population in a week what McCain actual believes in and you will get a hilarious response that has more to do with Obama.

I did have to laugh and cringe when Whoopi asked McCain if he was advocating the return to slavery when he said he would only be appointing judges that have a strict interpretation of the constitution.
It's really not funny when you think about it.Equal rights and the Abolishment of slavery are actually amendments to the original constitution and if one wanted to strictly interpret the "constitution" one could disregard all the amendments really.

I am incredibly pessimistic about the US election. I know that at least a quarter of Americans are morons that should have their right to vote stripped from them for their virulent racism, their ignorance of equal rights and their penchant for at least one of the following; drunk driving, wife beating, child abuse and petty thievery. I know this quarter will elect the next President and I bet they will vote for McCain, only because he's white.

And with McCain and Palin in charge we can all welcome the end of times.

If you happen to have one of these fools in your family tree do the world a favour and get them drunk on voting day and steal their car keys. Who knows if all Americans could come together to keep their idiot family members away from the voting booth but it could save the world.
Remember that Obama is not the second coming, he is just a regular politician with a talent for public speaking but he is not scary, he has no plans to begin a holy war and he actually believes you all have a right to health care...seems like a safe vote to me.

diplomacy

2008-09-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to write this entry with sensitivity and thoughtfulness and then I thought ..fuck it. Did John McCain just pick a possible felon for vice president? Worse did he just pick a hypocrite who has consistently lied her ass off about being a "good christian family"?
I am a woman who has a child. One child. My kid gets my full attention when she needs it and sometimes when she doesn't. I can just about financially support her needs for a good future for her that includes meaningful travel and a good university education. Palin has five children. One of which is a newborn which she is breastfeeding that has Downs syndrome. Which by the way she "kept a secret" from her family for months because she says "she wasn't sure she would be able to bond with this child" as if she had some other choice in the matter.
She not only kept the child's condition a "secret" she kept her pregnancy a secret.
Why? She was already the governor, what was she afraid of? Did she think she would be run out of office by some bizarre faction of crazed Alaskan baby haters?
But more importantly what the hell was up with her brother in law that she hated him so much she literally had to have his ass fired? I mean she fired the sheriff because he refused to fire her own brother in law. Now I can't say I know or understand what part of the family this brother in law originates from..maybe it's her husbands side? who knows cause nobody is talking are they? Isn't this a private issue? The kind of thing normal functional families deal with amongst themselves without involving the press and the courts?

But this isn't a normal, god fearing upright christian family now is it?
This is a woman that refuses to believe in global warming and spends her free time killing things for entertainment, she tried to implement creationism in the schools...in Alaska for goodness sake.
And if you are dumb enough to believe the Republicans this is the very best candidate for Vice President they could find.
This woman has never left the US except for a trip to visit the troops and that trip obviously didn't include any stop overs to view and experience any foreign cultures.
Her qualifications are she ran a tiny little town as mayor. I can only imagine the important issues she faced daily there, it must have been overwhelmingly not stressful at all. She then picked up the governorship of the state with the smallest population in the union that was rolling in oil money. There were about 600,000 people in Alaska in 2006 . 80,000 of them are disabled in some way. Did she think they would be unsympathetic to a baby with Downs? Or are they now kind of disgusted with her comments?
88% have finished high school but only a quarter when on to university. I guess her biggest challenge as governor was how to get more kids into university...wow what a heart wrenching challenge to be faced with.
Maybe it's the challenge of having less than 20% of the population be people of colour?
Maybe the 10% below poverty rate she has never addressed because over 60% of her constituents own their own home and make almost $60,000 . How about the fact that non white people own a whopping almost 12% of all businesses. I guess that's one way to empower the indigenous population which makes up the highest percentage of the poverty stricken. Nothing like moving in to someone else's land, stealing it from them and then making them beholden to the state for their own survival. I guess she has done loads to ease their suffering...
Or maybe the biggest thing she has ever done in her entire career was to say no to a bridge that the press had discovered went nowhere and was a blatant cash grab. Good to know that when the whole world is watching she can do the right thing. When no one is watching she is busy trying to get her brother in law fired and firing sheriffs but hey isn't that exactly how George Bush and Dick Cheney have been operating for eight years? Maybe she is a brilliant choice!

Her opinion on the military and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are going to be invaluable too. She can shoot a big gun and she has killed lot's of things and her son has enlisted and will be in Iraq pretty soon. That shouldn't be a distraction for her at all will it? I mean she has five children. One is just a newborn with Downs syndrome that she wasn't sure she really wanted, the other three have a full time nanny and her other one is preparing to possibly die in a war his mom wants to continue for "as long as it takes to achieve victory". She of course couldn't define what "victory" meant but hell who cares it's only her kid, she can make another one right?
I guess her semi anonymous husband who appears to spend more time in the oil fields and on a fishing boat than at home can just give up his jobs and raise the new baby with the nanny while the nominee travels the country begging for votes from the evangelical right while waiting for her seventeen year old daughter and her baby daddy to get the nursery prepared while the nanny and the husband plan that shotgun wedding.
That baby daddy is really ready too, he deleted his my space comments about not wanting any children at the same time his girlfriend was pregnant so obviously he really,really wants a baby now.

This is the very best the Republican party can offer. A woman that has demanded that abstinence is the only way, creationism is the only truth, global warming is a lie, abortion should be illegal.. all the while having a nanny raising her kids and lying about her newborn to her own children. A woman that is more than happy to sacrifice her own child to the war machine without a second thought.........
Is this the woman anyone wants to be a heart beat away from the Presidency?

She is the reason you should vote for Obama. I don't care if he is inexperienced, Biden will help him out along with everyone else he picks.
Who else is McCain going to choose to run the government? If Palin is the very best it can only get more and more terrifying..who will be Secretary of State? Who will be in charge of the treasury? What incompetent will be in charge of Homeland Security? Then there is Justice and the entire military industrial complex..who will McCain and Palin choose?
Are you scared yet?
You fucking should be.

McCain is a man with no experience in actual combat, he knows nothing but being a POW. All he thinks about is victory, winning at all costs because he still has an eighteen year olds view of war. He never had to see his enemy when he dropped bombs on them, he never patrolled in the dead of night. He was relatively safe in a prison he could have left if he wanted to. This is a man that has never resolved Vietnam and now he wants his chance and Iraq will be resolved if in his own words"it takes a hundred years". Iraq is McCain's way to resolve his own personal issues about the defeat in Vietnam. Is the Presidency the right place for therapy?

What about the economy? What about the environment? What about renewable resources? What about innovation to break the ties of foreign oil?...McCain's solution is to destroy one of the last wild places and he has the governor of the state of Alaska on board.
Hell, she likes to kill the wildlife anyway so it's not like she cares if they are injured, she will just pick something else to shoot at.

What about health care?

Yeah right.
McCain is about two things, drilling oil and Iraq. If that is what you want in a President go for it. I am sure it will be an enjoyable and profitable presidency for big oil and all the companies whose only products are bullets, guns, tanks,helicopters and so on and so on infinitum.

how I hate you

2008-06-13T23:08:00.000-07:00

Let me count the ways.
I hate Oprah. I hate oprah on a bizarrely visceral,personal level. I have never met the woman but her very existence makes my teeth itch. I hate the fact that blogger demands that I capitalizes her very name. Fuck you, this is a woman who believes in the fucking Secret, who reads some bullshit airy fairy "spiritual" dictionary and orgasms all over it.
Any thinking human being with an ounce of intellectual curiosity knows all of this is shit but not fucking oprah and her followers.
This is an idiot that is an inch away from joining a goddamn cult and people revere her. People follow her.
This women is a smarmy fuckwit who is scary stupid. But we are all so enthralled and worse terrified of being called racist to say out loud that the fucking emperor is completely naked and worse she is ugly naked.

Oprah announces to the world that she does good things and like sheep we believe her. What good thing has oprah ever done with her own money?
Sure she gives lots of shit away but look a little closer..it isn't coming from her. Her advertisers are offering up free shit to get their name in the same room as Oprah. Oprah doesn't spend a dime of her own money for anything.
She gets YOU to pay for shit and somehow you are almost giddy doing it. Oprah tells you to send money and you scramble around your living room for a pen and a credit card. Oprah on the other hand calls her eyebrow specialist who lives in LA for an appointment. She then takes a private jet across the country to get her eyebrows done and she bills this as a business expense...yes, oprah's eyebrows are so important to the success of her business empire they have their own spot on the expense list.
How terribly green of her to waste gallons of jet fuel to get that one little hair tweezed away.

What I hate about Oprah is what I hate about people in general. The fact that we will always act as a mob in what ever we do. The fact that every time we fall for some charismatic leader and refuse to question their qualifications for doing anything.

We are sad little chickens stuffed into pens pecking at each others throats waiting for an messiah to lead us into the garden.
Well oprah ain't no messiah and why can't you build your own damn garden?
Why are you sitting in front of your computer breathlessly waiting for your Oprah class to start so you can learn to finally live like some kind of giant asshole.
The secret of the secret is it's bullshit hippie sixties crap recycled for morons. It's just a yuppified version of EST made palatable for dumber people with computer access.
Eckhart fuckwit? No more , no less than any other idiot self help guru spewing the dame tired drivel in a new, pretty package tailor made for people with the curse of Oprah. That curse is her absence of humanity. Most of us were born with the ability to empathize, sympathize, rationalize, we were born with the knowledge that something drives us but people like Oprah weren't. So they have to read books about it, they sit at the feet of charlatans and idiots desperate to feel something, anything.
Morally bankrupt and aware of it.
I know some of you want to congratulate her on on at least trying to find some kind of center but you are missing the point. She doesn't have one, she never will hence the never ending spiritual advisor's, the financial gurus, the Dr Phil's, the spiritualists, the medical doctors, the trainers, the cooks .
Week after week oprah trots out her next, new, most very important, meaningful person, thing, book, event...whatever the fuck and the people dive right in and gobble it up.

What is wrong with you when you think oprah is the most powerful person in the world? She is a god damned talk show host. Nothing more. In fact she doesn't even do that anymore, she has guests that do all the heavy lifting.

Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For Gods sake would the rest of the damn world wake up and start looking at the real world. Drag yourself out of oprah fairyland where if you just wish hard enough everything will come true and come do the hard work.

Fixing the problems of our world cannot be done by reading happy thoughts from idiots.

we have mass starvation..do you think if we mail them all a copy of The Secret food will suddenly fucking appear?
Genocide rages on but of course if only they all just took oprah's online course it would all end.

Does anyone else notice that Oprah has real heroes on her show but she never offers them any help personally? How many wells has Oprah built? None.
She built two for profit exclusive boarding schools...just like the residential Indian schools Canada just apologized for. That is her true contribution and it's an abomination.

Thus ends my rant on stupid people watching other stupid people taking credit for what real people are actually doing.

human nature

2008-05-29T21:26:00.000-07:00

In every movie I have every seen and in fact every book too when the shit hits everyone rushes to their cars. Why?
Where are all these people going? Do they all have secluded cabins in the woods far away from whatever disaster is playing out? The awful thing is I truly believe if someone yelled disaster loud enough we would all do what the Disney lemmings did and throw ourselves off of massive traffic jam cliffs, though Disney actually used a machine to propel the lemmings off the cliff...I guess we can call the media the machine.
Wouldn't it make much more sense to( if possible) wait for everyone else to leave? Like waiting for everyone to get off the airplane so you wont feel rushed and anxious. Of course this wont apply to large onrushing waves of water. Personally I will skip the traffic jams and run if I have too.
But if it was something else I don't think I would mind too much being left behind by the panic filled masses.
But I do wonder where the hell all these people are driving to.
I think on the whole you would be safer staying in your house for as long as possible because I just cannot believe that wandering all over the countryside is going to give you a survival edge.
Stick with what you know and the area you know it in.

My other question is why are the Democrats in the US voting for Obama? It's as if they have a failure only mindset.

They know that very few, if any middle/lower class white people are going to vote for Obama and they also know this is the group that actually goes out and votes but they are so enamored with the idea of having a black President and what that represents they are ignoring the man himself.

If Obama had more of a history of activism in the poor community, if he had a history of being involved with policy decisions anywhere at any time maybe he would have a shot against McCain but Obama is a blank slate. He has done the bare minimum despite the fact that he talks and talks and talks.
The Republicans have already started chewing away at Obama and he has nothing to defend himself with. I think McCain has become a nasty little man in this campaign and he will only get meaner as time goes on and this doesn't bode well for a guy like Obama.
Hilary on the other hand can take a beating and get back up. In fact no one really cares about the dirt on her, we have heard about it so many times we have become deaf to it. That would make it very difficult for the Republicans to beat her up.
So, the Democrats choose the guy the Republicans can beat and then they will moan, bitch and howl when they lose the election. Maybe they really don't want the presidency at all.
I can see why they wouldn't. It's a godawful fucking mess that no one is going to be able to fix for years and years.
Maybe it's better to lose and let the Republicans carry on destroying the country, better than being blamed for not being able to stem the tide .

So maybe the Democrats aren't being stupid after all. I mean how can they be blamed for anything that goes wrong if they nominate a candidate that speaks only of positive change and a world full of peace and prosperity and the voters fail to elect him?

If in fact McCain does win the election he will have his war in Iran and Iraq,Afghanistan, and North Korea. McCain is a man looking for a win somewhere and because he has no experience with economics or diplomacy he can only triumph in one arena...war. McCain has been running for President for sixteen years . I cannot see him losing to a senator with no experience and no support within the white underclasses. Hell, the Republican campaign to convince the poor and uneducated that Obama is Muslim has been incredibly successful and they don't even need to mention he is black. I heard the comments from some of the West Virginians, it would make any member of the KKK proud. It also scares the crap out of us Canadians that the US continues to breed these slow witted racist inbreds in large numbers.
It makes the Texas court of appeals decision to return the children of a cult back to their cult leaders seem completely sensible. I mean if it's ok for those inbreds in the Virgina's to breed and retain custody of course it's fine for polygamists to rape and then marry thirteen year olds.

I guess this is what scares me the most about a global disaster. That the racist inbreds will survive like cockroaches and they will come scuttling across my border dragging their disgusting habits alongside them.They may call themselves refugees but unless we interrogate them how will we know if they are carrying something even worse than plague? What if they are carrying the belief that some black guy with a strange middle name can't be trusted because he is black and has a strange middle name? Worse these people believe everything they read in the National Enquirer, they get all their news from the The Star, Glenn Beck and Fox News. They believe Rush Limbaugh is the voice of moderation.
What then?
Do we round them up and hold them in camps? Or do we send them back from where they came to face whatever disaster they ran from?
Fifty percent of the US citizenry believes in things I find abhorrent,evil , racist, misogynistic and downright terrifying.
How come I just know if the shit hits the fan that will be the fifty percent that survives even if they have to resort to cannibalism to do it?

Maybe Canada was a little too hasty agreeing to the land mine accord. It wouldn't hurt to have the longest undefended border in the world defended a little bit would it?
Just in case?

when the shit hits the fan

2008-05-25T21:57:00.000-07:00

So I am back to obsessing over the impending apocalypse. Not the I am a crazy religious nut end of the world apocalypse. Just the tired old oops we really shouldn't have kept playing with that 100% contagious 95% fatal virus in the lab cause George's wife left him for his sons best friends father and he has been drinking around the clock for the last three days and he forgot to replace the vent hood and never noticed when he caught his clean suit on that hook and well, hell, shit happens right?
It's too bad the first place infected George went was Walmart and then the liquor store.

I wonder about what would be the smartest thing to do after it all starts going to hell.

I still think raiding every pharmacy you can find is the best first move. Then raiding the hospital library for every surgical instruction manual, internal medicine manuals and labour/delivery and pediatrics manuals. I read The Stand and what complete bullshit it would be if you survived the plague and died of a burst appendix or you couldn't find any insulin.
A well stocked pharmacy full of every damn drug left in the world would be helpful.
You would have to brave the hospital to steal the real supplies. You would need surgical instruments , some kind of anesthesia, a ventilator...oh, hell how would you be able to steal an entire working OR in the middle of a disaster?
I don't know but I do know it has to be done. Maybe a midnight raid on that private plastic surgery clinic?
I think if you have thought ahead and had a proper home ready to hide in having a mini hospital in it could be a boon. It could be something that can be bartered and something that keeps you alive when everyone decides to get primal.
I know it wont take any time at all for survivors to become violent aggressors intent on wiping out any competition.
I guess that has to be prepared for. It makes me a little sick to think about it. But we have seen it at disaster sites all over the world. The first response has always been to inflict more pain on those already left helpless. Price gouging, racism,segregation, governmental foot dragging, insurance companies denying claims. No one tries to make things easy.
So we know that there will be little or no help coming our way and anyone who already has guns and the training to use them is going to be the biggest threat. The moment the armed forces are mobilized we are all going to be in a lot of trouble. They will become a very scary snake with it's head chopped off and they will have the overwhelming force to inflict whatever "laws" they deem advantageous to themselves.
It's been common throughout history that soldiers without direction or discipline are prone to rape and murder, pillaging the enemy we could say. The issue is will we become the enemy?
Will we be sheep to be herded by those that have the guns?
Does it make sense to have a cache of weapons only to be considered an enemy and taken prisoner by a military that has no government to lead it?
And where will our leaders be?
Will they be hiding in a bunker somewhere? Helpless and powerless to do anything but watch and hope the military is controlling and containing the citizenry so they can emerge as heroes?
We can only hope the military is taking it's orders from the infectious disease doctors but what happens when the doctors are struck down? What if the front line medical community, the first people exposed to whatever our dear friend George was playing with all succumb?
Isn't it plausible they would be the first to go?
Even after SARS we still have no consistent, enforceable infectious disease protocol. I mean we do have a sign in the ER that says to tell the nurse if you have a fever or a cough but what happens if everyone has a fever and cough? And isn't it too late when you are coughing into the face of the maskless triage nurse and her colleagues?
How many isolation beds do you think your local hospital has? I know mine has fifteen...in a pinch we could probably make a hundred sort of isolation rooms by converting private rooms but none will have the negative air system essential to containing a virus.
If you are lucky you live somewhere that has a lot of hospitals. It will increase your chances of survival if you get there first. What happens when all the beds are full?
I guess that's why I think having a mini hospital at home is the best plan. Cuts down on the competition but of course you are giving up access to someone who actually knows what they are doing but hell, that's what the medical books are for right?

If you get away with being the pharmacy bandit you need to turn your attention to food. Canned goods and lots of them. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to take over a mall complex that has a grocery store, Walmart, Canadian tire and a home depot. I guess you could build a giant razorwire fence and put guards everywhere but it seems way to obvious and will likely attract the attention of the military pretty damn quickly. No one wants that. Who in their right mind wants to go to war over a Walmart?
I guess looting is the way to go but this would have to be carefully thought out,well planned looting. You can forget about the televisions and the new Ipods, you need food,clothes and more than a few good pair of shoes. You may have to do an incredible amount of walking and the last thing you want is having to choose between three inch heels or a pair of flip flops.
If you think logically, methodically you will know you will need batteries. Thousands of batteries, And butane lighters. This is not the time to try your hand at fire starting with a rock or a stick.
Time to loot every dollar store in your neighborhood..heh.
I also think you need to create a gang of your own. Your friends, your family, your neighbours...only people you can stand to be in the same room with of course. Don't invite your psycho, religious nut neighbour for example. They will be sacrificing animals in the basement before you can blink.
You may need to create a quick and dirty entrance quiz before letting anyone in. Top of the list of questions should be "are you now or have you ever been a religious freak that believes in the book of revelations?" You really have to exclude them because if you are stuck in the basement shelter for days at a time they will drive you insane and force you to commit violent acts and that's just not the way to start the end of the world as you know it. It will depress you and you really don't need to be more depressed than you already are right?
You should try to make your group diverse and interesting. You are going to have long periods of incredible boredom and at least you will be surrounded by interesting people. Maybe you'll learn something new!
That brings me to another important issue. Your new gang should have some skills. You need farmers, carpenters,plumbers and electricians. Having a few trained medics would come in handy too. You also need some children in the mix. Everyone needs motivation and there is nothing more motivating than a large group of ten year old boys ripped from their Xbox. Maybe eleven year old girls torn from instant messenger and their FaceBook pages?
What you do not need in your group are people with no discernible skills. Having a professor of philosophy is not going to make anyone happy.
You need people to help build and maintain a home, people that can grow food and people that can provide medical care when someone electrocutes someone else.You could probably use a good english teacher with a history of directing high school plays just to keep the children from beating each other to death like the savages they are.
You also need a computer expert, someone who can maintain communication through the web because the web contains all the instructions needed to build a self sustaining community. Where else will you find the plans on how to build your own solar cells, your own wind turbines?
You need someone to find the information, interpret the information and help create the plans so our other experts can build them.
So you need at least one creative, maybe slightly strange , hell probably strange as hell thinker.Two would be better so they have someone to talk to.

An important tip to remember is to limit the issues of weird romantic relationships. Or ex relationships. Make sure you haven't invited a group of people who unbeknownst to you have all slept together in multiple configurations and all have bitter feelings about it.
You are trying to survive here, it's no time for couples therapy.

So I guess you have to create a group of people that like each other and want to work together to survive. You are going to have to be very,very lucky to find these people. It may take some time.
You are going to have to be logical in the face of chaos, confident in the face of disaster...wow. I don't think I am going to be cut out for this survival thing.

To have to become a thief in the night stealing constantly seems exhausting and terrifying.

Maybe becoming a sheep wouldn't be such a bad thing?
The problem is don't people eat sheep?

I really, really hope our intrepid lab rat George gets himself together, puts the bottle down and finds a new girlfriend quickly...he could save the world.

feelings ..oooh oooh oooh

2008-05-18T21:14:00.000-07:00

As a compulsive reader of anything and I mean anything I occasionally get a little attached to some writers. In the blogging world it seems easier to get attached than is really healthy. I have really enjoyed Crystal over at boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.
I loved her humour and how strong, happy and confident she seemed.
But I got a little over attached when she began to write about her past. I saw instantly that the internet jackals would converge on her wearing their right to judge like a t-shirt and she seemed to have little understanding of what they could do if she let them.
So she let them.
She broke the most important rule when writing about your own personal disasters, she allowed comments. Lessons that Dooce et al have learned painfully?... she ignored.
She was warned repeatedly not only by other bloggers but by her own family.
I stopped reading when she broke my own little rule about writing about your kids on the internet.
And no it's not really about mothers exploiting their kids for money. I don't like it because I have this thing about informed consent. A child cannot consent to anything so they cannot give permission to anyone to have any aspect of their personal life revealed to others . It's about having respect for another persons right to privacy. I know that is a weird concept when you may be talking about a three year old but a three year old still should have a reasonable expectation to privacy especially considering there is no way to delete anything on the internet and what was hilarious when a toddler is three is humiliating to a fifteen year old when her high school discovers she ate dog poo (with video attached) a week before she starts ninth grade and she gets a brand new nickname.
What I find upsetting is how Crystal is reacting right now after the jackals have had a good meal at her expense. To complain that the jackals exist and that the jackals are bad seems ridiculous to me. To complain that somewhere in the deep,dark past of the internet everyone treated each other with kindness and respect seems almost delusional. From the first few weeks that the web was forming flame wars were breaking out all over.
I want to believe that Crystal is an innocent, deeply naive and inexperienced in the history of the internet but I know better and it's all just sour grapes.
Before I began my own personal boycott Crystal was telling an important and pretty powerful story about how we all fuck up when life kicks our teeth in but that recovery is possible. She spoke with a confident voice and when I was emailed her latest post by a friend I realized she had lost that confidence. She was speaking with the voice of apology and shame mixed with anger at this betrayal by the jackals.
All I can think is if you know the jackals are there and you are repeatedly warned that they only exist to attack do you have a right to a feeling of betrayal? Can you howl no fair when they told you they were planning on playing without rules?
And isn't it a display of almost fatal weakness to acknowledge that the jackals are feeding?
The other question that begs an answer is why do some bloggers need ,crave the hundreds of comments from complete strangers that say almost the same thing over and over? They always say something blandly supportive that usually involves prayers of some kind or another, just enough to keep the storyteller writing but not never enough to make the storyteller think or question.
Why do they self destruct into self pitying whining when a few comments pop up that are less than congratulatory and in fact ask hard questions about motives and purpose?
Look I think anyone who uses the comments section to act like a dick, full of judgment and assholery needs a slap and a kick to the curb but I think in the zeal to rid themselves of anything even remotely negative some bloggers delete any and all dissent which makes me suspicious about why they allow comments at all.
I think Crystal may in fact be too fragile a person to be telling her story. She may not have the self confidence to tell it without sinking into shame and recriminations. When a blogger responds to the jackals they are attempting some kind of dysfunctional appeasement. They are looking for love in all the wrong damn places but because they are so desperate for acceptance they can't see that the jackals can never be appeased. They do not care if you want them to stop being mean, their only function is meanness and you are a fool to not see this.
Crystal wants to bask in the bland support of nameless strangers in her comment section dammit! No fair that the jackals are ruining her ego massage. But really, should we have any compassion for this thinking? Shouldn't we all just turn away from this because it has devolved into something sad and demeaning?
Over and over I have seen this happen on the internet and I don't think any one of us has the right to call foul anymore. To choose to expose every part of your life to complete strangers is to demand their judgment , to then follow this up with a post full of how the jackals are making her cry all day, how the jackals are making her be mean to her husband, her kids is exposing more than any one should ever expose to the world. You are now exposing the fact that you are weak, that you haven't got enough self esteem to fill a thimble..........you have let the jackals smell blood and they are all rushing in for the kill and I don't have an ounce of sympathy for this kind of symbolic, incredibly public suicide.

You cannot have your cake and eat it too.
You can't have warm fuzzy hugs without a few fangs and if you aren't tough enough, if you don't have enough faith in yourself then you have no business publicly dissecting every goddamn tragedy in your life , the lives of your children and your family on the internet.
If you feel the overwhelming need to publish your tragedies remember that there are people out there that don't think your tragedies mean anything at all. In fact they believe your tragedies are fair game for the opportunity to pronounce their judgments about your beliefs.
Don't write a post asking them to stop because you are a nice person that wouldn't hurt a fly and would give them the shirt off your back if only they asked. It makes you look insane.

My list of blogs is getting shorter and shorter.

oops

2008-05-13T21:49:00.000-07:00

I hereby promise to no longer write scathing comments about the leaders of dictatorships. It seems they can retaliate in some truly novel ways. But that quote about building houses on sand does apply here.
I do it find it interesting that no one is clamoring for access to China to get in and "help" though.

olympic fever

2008-05-11T23:05:00.000-07:00

I want to begin with saying up front that I have never had any interest in the Olympics,ever,not even as a little kid. My sister on the other hand loved the gymnastics competition part.
I didn't hate the Olympics. In fact I was pretty ambivalent about the whole thing.
Things change though and now any mention of the Olympics makes me grind my teeth audibly.
This is how I see the Olympics as an adult who by the age of twenty three had a college diploma, had a professional job, a husband and a baby: a complete waste of time.
All I can think is what an incredibly ridiculous way to spend your time.
The majority of these athletes have been in training since they were in the womb. They have spent every available moment of their life lifting weights, running on treadmills, practicing the perfect kick,tumble,cartwheel whatever for no other reason than getting a pretty medal and their picture taken. They have sucked resources from their parents, grandparents, brothers,sisters, the province, the country all so they can travel to a foreign country to go swimming or do a cartwheel on a beam.
There is nothing socially redeeming about this. It's a bunch of people who spend every moment obsessed about how they look, how much they weigh, who they have to beat, where can they find some more money, how to become famous and get endorsements and be on the cover of a magazine.
It's narcissism and it's bizarre and we have elevated these people to the level of heroes.
Heroes, people. We have decided that some guy who can swim or jump better than some other guy is a fucking hero.
It's grotesque.
We have then made this event into a substitute for war. We cheer when our athlete beats an athlete from a country we dislike don't we?
We keep a constant record of our successes and their losses, a scoreboard for all to see.
Does anyone really watch because they love and appreciate the art of an event or are we watching because the announcer has spent an hour telling us in adoring detail the life story of our surrogate soldier as he or she prepares for battle? Does the announcer then spend another hour telling us the life story of any of the other competitors? Does he describe in loving detail the sacrifices the athlete from Iran has made to reach the top?
No.

We have real wars going on right now. We have real soldiers who have made real sacrifices to cheer on. What is the purpose of a self aggrandizing sports competition when children are starving, the Burmese are counting their dead, the genocides of the Congo and the Sudan rage on?

Then we come to China. China, a country that thrives on abusing it's own people and when they get bored of that they poison the worlds pets,add poison to children's toothpaste and slap a little lead into the global toy market.
These are the people that still have firing squads for killing anyone who dissents and then removing their organs and selling them for transplant.
A country that is so obsessed with becoming a superpower it is spewing chemicals into the air so fast and so far the population has to say indoors some days to avoid dropping dead.
They refuse to obey any of the environmental laws any civilized country has already adopted.
These are people that happily murder Tigers so they can grind up their penises into a powder that supposedly might give them a bigger, harder dick. This country is filled with men so obsessed with getting a hard on they will happily decimate any species they think might help.
These are the people responsible for SARS because they cannot adhere to basic hygiene practices. They stack live animals on top of each other five or ten deep and allow them to defecate, urinate,sneeze and cough on each other. They have no understanding of basic animal husbandry because they are cruel and thoughtless about the suffering of animals. Because of their thoughtlessness at this very moment children are dying of foot and mouth disease. They regularly lie about the spread of disease putting the entire globe at risk from the diseases they promote.
These are the people who believe that it's just fine to invade another country and enslave them and when they try to fight back to murder them. Tibet was once a free country and we allowed China to attack, kill and conquer without so much as a peep from the rest of the world. Too bad Tibet wasn't full of oil, the whole world would have jumped right in to help right?
So China, this China is the country that was given the Olympics. These idiots thought that by giving them the Olympics China would finally see the light and become civilized, thoughtful maybe even less obsessive about their dicks.
China thinks we gave them the Olympics because we deeply admire them and think they are so wonderful only they should have the honour of this event.
I mean what else could China think? It's a country that has never had a moment of self reflection, it's leaders have never stopped and had a little think about the incredible amount of wanton damage it has done to the environment or it's people. The movers and shakers of China are to a person living only for the moment. They don't spare a seconds thought on what the future will hold . They want what they want and they want it right now and they will do everything and anything to get what they want.They are not unlike three year olds with too much money and power. Three year olds have great difficulty with empathy. It's something they begin to learn as they are exposed more and more to new people. China has no interest in meeting new people except for those who come bearing presents. This is a country that supplies machine guns to the Janjaweed to maintain it's oil supplies. These are people that have brigades dedicated to shooting clouds to make rain for fucks sake.

So the worlds athletes are going to China. A group so narcissistic they can think only about what they have sacrificed to learn how to jump, kick or paddle. They think about their heroic sacrifice when they missed that high school dance that one time, or that terrible pain they had when they sprained their elbow or how their parents had to re mortgage their home and their brother had to get a full time job because all the money was going to training little Cindy to be the very best cartwheeler ever. Wow, what heroes they are!!!
I mean they couldn't have made another choice, they had to be a competitive bike rider, it was in their blood.
They could never sacrifice their dreams just because the host is a murderous bastard.It wouldn't be fair. I mean what can be more important in this moment when the world is in turmoil, food prices are are skyrocketing, oil prices are out of control than having a competition over who can play basketball better?

People who still have a conscience will boycott this abomination. People of conscience will be happy to tell gymnasts and swimmers and all the rest that there are more important things in the world than their right to play a game with their friends on the television.
It's time to correct China's belief that they are a civilized country. It's time to take the three year olds toy away and tell them they need to spend some time in the naughty chair.
It will hurt China's feelings no doubt but sometimes learning to do the right thing is painful and hopefully this pain will reinforce the lesson that you can't treat the whole world like shit and expect to be rewarded for it.
And it's also time to get over your dick issues......it's why Viagra exists you idiots, leave the Tiger dicks where they belong, on the goddamn Tigers.

why all the bullying?

2008-05-10T23:57:00.000-07:00

I understand that Burma is in crisis and I understand that peoples lives are hanging in the balance but that is still no reason to bully another country.
Any idiot knows that Burma is controlled by a bunch of paranoid, power hungry nut jobs so it should be equally obvious that they are going to respond very badly to being called names followed up with irate demands.
The way to Burma's crazy heart is to tell them you love them and you support them and will do anything to make them love you back. Listen, these people are too stupid to know you are lying through your teeth so why not go for it?
Oh, you can't right? Because politically it might make you look like a sympathizer and let's be serious here. It's still all about the politics,
America wants to get into Burma for it's own reasons and delivering humanitarian aid is only one of them.
You may notice that Burma is allowing many other countries in to help but if you watch CNN you would be forced to believe no one is there. The BBC is no better, they are also a country banned from Burma for a host of issues going back a long, long way.

No matter what crisis we do not have the right to violate another country's sovereignty .
Obviously because we have been happily upholding Sudan's rights and the Congo and any other country in Africa drowning in strife.
Burma doesn't want certain country's anywhere near their borders. They have their reasons.
The reasons may be based in paranoid fantasy but it's their right.

If these countries truly wanted to deliver aid they would cheerfully contact the Thai authorities and drop off all the food, clothing, medical supplies and tents to the Thai airport.
But America and the rest want, no they need the accolades or they begin to sulk and then take their food and water home.

If you want to help the people of Burma help Thailand to help them. Drop the ego and the demands and just help ok?

free health care

2008-05-03T23:48:00.000-07:00

I am getting a little pissed with the Canadians that are forever wandering around announcing to various strangers that we have free health care. We do not.
Everyone in Canada is assessed at tax time for their ability to pay for health care. Some Canadians at the poverty level don't have to pay. the rest of us do. I paid six hundred dollars this year. I also have private insurance that covers long term care, dental and prescriptions. That costs me personally about twelve hundred a year. So I pay eighteen hundred a year for my health care. I am not in any way unique. At least seventy percent of us pay for health care.
Then our employers have to pay too. They are assessed on their taxes and they get their bill for all their employees. At least forty percent of all Canadian employers also offer private benefits. Our employers are required to pay their share of our premiums too.
Most of us get our taxes done professionally so we never see the health care tax. We are ignorant of it until of course we have to pay for it out of pocket.

Then we all have to pay provincial and federal taxes on everything we buy. That is a health care tax. So, once again health care isn't free.
Just because no one gave you a bill at the end of your office visit doesn't mean you didn't pay for it. That bill is hidden under a different name is all.
I think we should be demanding a better system but because we all somehow think we are getting something for nothing we don't want to speak up. Just in case we alert the authorities and they wake up and what? make us pay?

So the next time some idiot politician goes on about Universal Health Care tell him to shut it. We don't have it. We are taxed near to death for a system that is in tatters.
a system where you can be having a heart attack but get denied angioplasty because there is no bed available. A system where you get on a plane and fly to a foreign country for your chemo and have to pay for your plane ticket yourself.
A system that thinks having one nurse for ten patients is a great idea.

Yeah, it's better than the US but so what? A dollar store first aid kit is better than the US.That doesn't mean our system is good you know.

riddle me this

2008-05-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

So here is what I know about the subprime mortgage crisis. It seems some oh hell let's say fifty million US citizens (yes I know that's a ludicrous number but go with me on this ok?) went to the bank and took out a mortgage on a horribly overpriced home. Let's say each one of them asked to borrow a million dollars. So, that is a million dollars each for fifty million people. It's possible they could end up paying a million you see because they ended up with a variable rate of interest...really? isn't the interest rate being cut regularly? Wouldn't that mean they would be paying less? Never mind.
This group of fifty million just happened to include that group, the group that shouldn't have a mortgage, the group that really shouldn't even have a cat. But the banks never noticed because I mean what bank would right? I mean it's not like any of the banks the rest of us go to who wouldn't give us a car loan for five grand even though we make eighty grand a year in a union job. These are those other secret banks, the ones we have never been able to find but somehow people with no credit, bad credit, bankruptcy , you get it, can find instantly.
So these banks did some creative accounting. They took each of these mortgages and split them into three groups. The first group was people who would pay their mortgage..the banks kept them for themselves. They then sold off the middle group to a bunch of foreign investors who obviously were non native english speakers. The last group, the group that would pay their mortgage just as soon as they got a job ha, ha, ha got sold into a third investment pool. This pool was bought by , hell I have no idea what kind of moron bought into this pool but they did!
So the expected happened. They never did find that job and they never did pay their mortgage and now that investment pool wasn't an investment anymore. It was now the investment pool of "holy shit, have we got some shitty houses we need to sell right now". But unfortunately these guys were stock brokers not real estate agents. The middle pool full of people that kind of pay but never on time started becoming the pool of "oh shit, they haven't made a payment for three months'. And soon this pool became the new "oh, shit we have some solidly middle class houses we have to sell right now".
We all know the first group is paying their mortgages on time because the bank may sometimes look stupid but it ain't.

So, they can't sell these houses unless they declare a fire sale and cut the prices and if they do that they will lose millions and millions. But they are stupid and in a panic so they do it. And the real estate market collapses because who would be willing to pay a million dollars for that other house when the bank is selling the same damn house for three hundred thousand?
All over the prices of homes begin to fall. The problem is of course people paid market price for their home before this crisis and their mortgage reflects that market. Now their home isn't worth what they mortgaged it for. It means despite paying their mortgage faithfully for years they have no equity in their home. Their home is no longer considered an asset, it's all liability...it's all just debt. So now they can't get any credit because when their debt is calculated their mortgage gets added in and that's the kiss of death.
Without access to credit no one can buy a new car, a washer/dryer combo,renovate the bathroom..any big ticket purchase.
Without any buyers the manufacturing sector slips and falls. That is where the good paying union jobs are and they begin to disappear. And here we go again to the mortgage crisis. Without a job you can't pay your mortgage so it gets foreclosed on, the investors panic and dump, market prices tank and round and round we go.
So what is the solution here?
Well I think the idiots that invested in the second and third pools should have to eat their losses. Investing is nothing more than going to Vegas and playing poker. Vegas never offers you a buyout ok? The banks that gave these mortgages should have to eat it too. And the idiots that went to the bank knowing full well they would never be able to afford their mortgage? Well they already got pretty severely punished didn't they? They are homeless with destroyed credit and a lifetime devoted to screening their calls for rabid collection agents. I honestly can't think of a worse punishment than that other than a two week stay at Guantanamo. At least at Gitmo you get food and housing.
What shouldn't be happening is the poor bastards that are paying their mortgages being penalized severely for doing it.
If everyone involved hadn't panicked and ran screaming into the daylight the crisis would never have happened. If they had kept themselves calm they could have gently corrected a real estate market gone wild without devastating everyone in the process.
But the moment you even threaten the possibility of a threat of losses the markets goes wild and what was once a possibility becomes fact. They do it to themselves and then in turn do it to the rest of us.

Panic.
The operating emotion of everything right now.
Because we all feel a low riding dread all the time, because we all feel that somehow the earth has jumped a cog and put us all off balance we are all on the edge of panic and it takes almost nothing to send us spiraling into the pit.

I think it's because at heart we are all drama queens. We are all so in love with the rush of potential disaster a real disaster makes us thrilled. We throw off responsibility for the chance to quiver and shiver, gasp and whimper always looking around for our audience.

We announce to the world we have just become victims. Becoming a victim is not unlike winning the lottery nowadays. Even when you are a victim of your own idiocy someone somewhere will be thrilled to listen to your story and the media can't wait to find you and let you tell it, for educational reasons of course.
I mean has any victim every missed the opportunity to quiveringly tell Oprah, Dr Phil, Inside Edition or Anderson Cooper that they are only telling their story so that others can be spared?

So can anyone tell me why it's my problem or your problem that some idiot let another idiot borrow what they can't afford to lend and can't afford to borrow, can't afford to invest and can't afford to lose?
Why can't all of you get together and clean up your own mess privately without involving the rest of us?
Why, it's because you all want to be the victim right? And you can't be a victim unless you have some one to acknowledge your victim hood and if you stayed private that couldn't happen right?

What the hell happened to not airing your dirty laundry to the world? Or does the hippie generation not believe they have any dirty laundry? That's it isn't it? baby boomer's are so damn self involved they think we give a shit if they take a loss in the stock market.
Here's a newsflash..we don't. So shut up already. You are the idiots that built the system, reap what you sow assholes and stop dragging us into your fuckups.

I am sick of all these manufactured crisis's. I am sick to death that there is always a group of people who spend all day every day devoted to looking for a way to throw a wrench into the works so they reap the benefits of panic.
Parasites of the system making millions manipulating the sheep into panic.

I think I may be tired of all of it. I look at the sheep and begin to wonder if maybe, just maybe it's time for a market correction on them. A thinning of that herd wouldn't really be amiss anyway.
I am beginning to wonder if it wouldn't do the entire globe a world of good to be rid of these sheep. That depresses the hell out of me. Sheep are generally kind, Obtuse yes, stupid yes but mostly good hearted but at what point do you have to demand they wake up and start fighting to preserve their right to keep their heads down pulling the grass out by it's roots and chewing thoughtfully? How long can the rest of us afford to carry them along?
Being generally cheerful and good hearted is fine but it's their skittish, thoughtless, blindingly stupid reactions to any mild disruptions to cud chewing that's killing the rest of us. It's the fact that they hate change, refuse to adapt and are always needing a minder to keep them from wandering off a cliff or getting eaten by a wolf that is dragging the rest of us down.

The sheep have abdicated personal responsibility and maybe it's time we reacquaint them with it, as painful as it's going to be I think it's their only route to survival. Honestly, I am just not going to be available to guard this herd anymore and I can't see anyone volunteering for the job. I guess they are all going to have to stop chewing for a moment and decide whether they are willing to start joining the problem solvers or stay in the field, defenseless, senselessly chewing away until someone cracks them over the head and makes them into a stew..

forgive me for this

2008-05-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

I think on the whole Glenn Beck is a freak. I dislike him on about fifteen different levels, one of them being he freaked out over an outpatient day surgery for a hemorrhoid so badly he needed to go back to rehab for the amount of pain medication he abused while drama queening all over the goddamn place about how he wasn't given enough love from the medical staff but I digress.
He actually said something kind of interesting the other day and after some research it turns out he wasn't full of shit as he usually is. He mentioned that some of the largest grain suppliers in the world have just posted profits so astronomical it's almost a joke.
A joke because how could it be true that we are in a global food crisis and these companies are raking in billions of profit............hmmmm.
Could it be we have one more manufactured crisis on our hands?
Could it be that someone is once again making money starving people?
And to reiterate what Beck said even if it makes me gag why aren't politicians howling about this along with all that moaning about oil prices? Shouldn't these companies be forced to give up their subsidies? Shouldn't these profits be taxed at the "windfall" rate?
Or would that piss off the farmers? Of course it wouldn't, the farmers aren't seeing any of this profit so really who are the politicians afraid of pissing off? Campaign contributors right before a Presidential election maybe?

I just have to take this opportunity to congratulate John McCain on how thrilled he is to support global market forces. There is nothing so wonderful as watching a capitalist clap their hands with glee when big companies are making big money while cheerfully ignoring the impact of those profits. It's as if he is willfully blind. I can bet Americans can hardly wait to experience his new health care plan...which to me seems suspiciously familiar. Oh wait..McCain believes in market forces!!! He thinks the prices will come down because there will be competition......will be? Isn't there already competition? And haven't the prices done nothing but gone up?
Oh what do I know, I have no economic experience just like McCain..whoops.

trying to explain

2008-04-28T22:37:00.000-07:00

I don't like Obama. I have tried over and over to explain not only to others but to myself why this is but I am failing. I hate to say "it's a gut thing" because that's kind of bullshit but it is something.
Something that is putting me off. I guess most people can understand a little of this. It's like when you go to a party at a friends and they introduce you to someone they obviously really like and they really want you to like them too but in the very moment you make eye contact, feel their hand in yours you get a weird itchy "oh no thank you" feeling that makes you let go ,step back and smile with your teeth.
You have no evidence other than the friend you trust and respect likes this person. Positive information that should make this introduction easy, comfortable. But it's not. Worse this new person is oblivious to your reaction. One part of you thinks "thank goodness" because you don't want to embarrass your friend, your self or this new person but on reflection their non reaction makes you even more uncomfortable.
I don't know Obama and his election to the Presidency wont have that much impact on my day to day Canadian life. Right?
I don't feel that. I feel like there is a missing agenda here. An agenda that is going to be reaching farther than the US borders.
I have a little information about the guy. He is rich, always has been despite his professions of a hard scrabble raising, unless we have begun to consider solidly middle class as hard? His mother raised him but he wrote a book praising the father that abandoned him, refused to support him financially. The father he says gave him nothing is the star of his book.
This leaves me puzzled.What of the mother who did all the real work?
He made a point to attend a church filled with life, a church exploding with opinions and arguments but he only attended..he wasn't a participant.
I think his pastor is not a man that should be vilified, he is a man of passionate conviction. Obama turned his back on him quickly and brutally. A man he called a mentor.
Obama's wife kind of freaks me out too. She is stiff, formal and defensive. Defensive even when her husband is praised. She seems angered to have been put into the public eye. She diffidently sidesteps questions as if the answers are really none of our business and we should know this. She leaves everyone feeling slightly embarrassed as if we have violated some obvious social custom by acknowledging her.
Maybe we have but isn't that politics? Shouldn't we have some insight into this woman that married this man? Doesn't their union define him in many ways?

Obama speaks mostly about change and about how we all must leave behind our partisanship and come to the table united. But nowhere in his political life has he ever done this. He has never taken the risks that others have in joining with an opposite to build legislation. He has never created an atmosphere of creative co-operation.
If he has never tried this then how can he, as President, encourage, cajole this from the congress or the senate?
He wants a different kind of government but he forgets that the government that stands right now is the government he must work with. He seems short sighted, naive. He has built no relationships that will help him. He has been an outsider the entire time he has been in government and though this seems really cool it's actually stupid.
Government is a behemoth , Godzilla, cloverfield if we have to. If you aren't interested in being involved with it it will happily continue chewing up the scenery without you. To control, even tame this creature you have to know it. Know it like you know yourself. It's failures, it's successes, it's evil plots. All the gossip, backbiting bullshit that exists in every major place of employment.
If you don't the power grabbers will be free to undermine every action you try to take.
Obama seems strangely proud of being oblivious to this or he is lying his ass of. He is a lawyer, Harvard educated. No stranger to madly competitive, backstabbing bastards of business.
So he is lying. Or is he?
I hate this shit.
I want the truth about who you are, even if it's your forced laugh, your inappropriately weird giggle, the God awful half cackle of McCain. I want to see you react, really react, even if you do slip right back into that speech you have repeated for six months now.
But Obama doesn't react.
How can someone who has spent half his life in a church of huge reactions not show anything?
It's all just little things. The way his lips tighten when a hard question is asked. When his tone goes from bland to insulted but his face doesn't change. His tone is petulant but his message is unchanged. It's incongruous .
I know when Hilary is pissed, McCain never let's you forget he is pissed but Obama acts as if it's all just a little too low brow for him.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe he is just a guy who values his privacy and guards his emotions and reactions. But I don't think so. I think he is a guy who has studied for this position obsessively . I think he has been practicing in front of a mirror for many, many years. He wrote his script meticulously, then he memorized it word for word for word. He stared into the mirror and demanded order from his expressions. He is a demonstration of complete control and it is just a touch freaky.
I would feel better about him if once, just once he lost his shit and went after some asshole reporter and verbally kicked some ass. Revealing in that moment that a real guy is living under that script.
Maybe I would really like that guy.
Bu this guy? Who talks about climate crisis in terms of change your lightbulbs? Who has no economic plan other than raise those taxes on the rich right now? Who has no experience as a diplomat? No foreign affairs experience at all.
Every choice the US makes is a global choice. The world will feel it and Obama seems oblivious.

The Iraq war is just a blip in a global scale. What is happening all over Africa makes Iraq a complete success right now. But Obama ignores Africa and we will all pay for that.
To continue George Bush's ignorance and revulsion for getting involved in genocides? Is that the guy the US needs for the future?

I am confused with some Americans adoration over a man who has accomplished almost nothing politically other than getting elected to the senate. Just because he can speak well in public? This is what excites Americans now? A guy who can speak in full sentences, sentences filled with all the key words that grab at the heartstrings. A master of emotional manipulation is the guy you want to run the biggest bureaucracy in the free world?

Is that how low your expectations have fallen?

and so it begins

2008-04-23T22:45:00.000-07:00

The food crisis has begun. We have started to ration rice, corn and wheat will be next. Food riots are spreading all over the world.
Can anyone tell me why?
Can anyone explain why the price of oil has gone insane? Why isn't it cost effective to transport food anymore?
Please explain the insanity of cheerfully transporting electronic goods you can't eat?

Can anyone explain to me why the stock market plummets on reports that a company didn't make the 100 billion expected, it only made 900 million...why is this a disaster?
Is this not profit pure and simple?

There isn't a company around that is actually losing money (other than the car companies). They just aren't meeting their targets. Their targets are insane growth and profit, targets that are impossible and yet the markets get sucked in over and over and then they all burst into tears and panic when the target gets missed by ten bucks.

These companies are still making billions but because everyone expected them to make trillions the world went into a panic and decided the only possible solution was to push oil prices through the roof in turn pushing the price of food through the roof and then in turn terrifying half the world into thinking a food shortage exists.

We have lots of food. We just don't want to sell it to you unless we make our target profit you understand. See we told this one guy we could make the price of rice climb and he believed us and so now we have to make the price climb because if we don't this guy might not make his million dollar profit on his gambling addiction. Which is all commodities futures is...nothing more than going to the race track and betting the ponies.

People are going to starve and die because some shithead wants to make money. Not profit, not making a living to support their family, no they want money. They want the kind of money you can never spend in your lifetime. It is more important to these people that they get to buy a $60,000 toilet than your right to a meal.

The World Food program cannot afford to pay the prices these people are demanding. They cannot afford the transportation costs to deliver the food.

People will die because Oil companies can never be satisfied with making a profit. They want power. They have so much power and money they now dictate who will live and who will die.

It's a wonderful world when oil companies and food producers have the power to demand a ransom on food.

So it's begun.
The fight has started. And it was as I predicted all about a small thing and how the world reacted to it.

We didn't have to panic, we didn't need to raise the oil prices to the prohibitive levels but we did. So a small thing has snowballed and now it is feeding itself.
The more we panic the worse the markets respond, the harder the companies reach for that elusive target profit.
There are companies right now making millions but firing staff left and right because it's not enough you see. Companies frantically moving their businesses to other countries with terrible labour standards and no environmental protections because they must, they need to make more money. Not one of them can explain why a solid profit is not enough. They mumble about stock owners and board demands but these are just thoughtless excuses. They don't know why they are burning their own companies alive to squeeze every last drop out. It's obsession, compulsion..it's greed.

Their greed is now killing people and they don't care. Worse they haven't even noticed. They are glued to only one thing and that is how much is my stock worth today..that is all.

Starving people can get very,very angry. Ask the Americans about Somalia. Starving people do things that sometimes make very little sense, they may even seem counter productive.
But let's all remember why Hitler worked so well in Germany. They were a starving country with worthless money and no one cared about their plight. The people were desperate for anyone to lead them out of the darkness. Have a look around right now at who the people are picking to lead them out of the darkness and how successful they are .
Where is the tipping point for a country with no leadership to explode into civil war? How quickly can that war spread? What happens when a war breaks out and the rest of the world doesn't care? What happens when this war creates millions of starving refugees and the world still doesn't care? What happens when these starving refugees get their food rations cut in half and then into a quarter because the rest of the world is too busy making billions to care?
What kind of pandemic does war, starvation and refugee camps create? Are we ready for a new mutation of an old virus because these children have never been vaccinated?
What if the measles became a deadly disease that spreads wildly through the refugee camps?And we didn't care. What if a support worker went to town and spread it to a man on his way to the city and that man got on a plane to visit his brother in the West?
So another country's war, it's famine, it's refugees will reach out to us in ways we cannot even imagine just because we missed our chance to give a shit.
China will soon be unable to feed itself, India and Africa will soon follow. Haiti is already at the tipping point and what country shares a border with Haiti? The Dominican Republic, home to America's cane sugar. Do we truly expect the people of Haiti to quietly starve to death? Or does it make more sense that they will cross the border into the DR sparking a war? A war all about food resources.
I remember a meeting of the G8 and the promises they made to end poverty and world hunger. Instead it appears that through mismanagement and a gross lack of regulation they have managed to increase world hunger to crisis proportions.
The WTO and the IMF have incited disaster at the fervent behest of nations desperate for more and more money.

And so it is begins.
I hope you bought that piece of land and you are madly building your renewable energy sources along with your renewable food. And wash your hands a lot. You have no idea where anyone has been anymore.

let's have a little talk

2008-04-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

For the three of four of you that may occasionally read this blog I need you to read about this and then tell a few more people about it(not the blog, the blog contents). I need you to do this because the more I look at the world of shit we are in the more freaked out I am getting.I should probably stop reading Vanity Fair.

So there was once this company that specialized in weed killer. I can bet we all may have at one time in our lives either used it or saw the commercials for it. It's called Roundup.
The Monsanto company that makes Roundup thought it would be interesting to to create seeds that were completely unaffected by Roundup. These are genetically modified seeds resistant to herbicides .
Roundup was given a patent for that seed. It happened kind of accidentally you see. Some kind, thoughtful GE scientist worked hard and long to find a strain of bacteria that had the truly amazing ability to clean up oil spills.
This bacteria was not a new man made creation but the research company that found it still got a patent for it. ( In 1980 in a Supreme Court five to four decision.)They should never have been allowed to but it happened and Monsanto saw it and they demanded a patent of their own for their seed. They began to create more and more seed that could resist herbicides. All farmers had to do was spray Monsanto's Roundup on their fields and the seeds would be free to grow weed free.
Monsanto then told every farmer who wanted to buy this patented seed that they could not save the seeds from the crops they produced. They are forbidden to sell that seed to anyone else. The seed was "returned"( or more likely cleaned and resold) and every year the farmers are forced to buy new seed. Monsanto gets to sell the seed and the weedkiller Roundup together every year and make billions.
Small farmers are not the target market of Monsanto. Monsanto sells to massive corporate farms but if some stray Monsanto seed happens to be caught in the wind or in the poop of a bird and it drifts on to the property of a small farmer Monsanto will come after them as if they were serial killers hiding bodies in the barn. Because Monsanto has another business. The litigation business. If you aren't using Monsanto seed Monsanto will take you to court and say you are using their seed and you are doing it illegally. They have a team of lawyers whose only job is to bankrupt any farmer they choose.
Monsanto also controls 90% of the soybean market. Every have a look at all the products that use some form of soybean in them? Monsanto has GM seeds for soybean,corn, canola and cotton right now. In the next two years Monsanto will have seeds for sugar beets and alfalfa.
Alfalfa, the staple hay of livestock. Sugar beets and alfalfa are also two crops that can be used to produce high quality ethanol. Monsanto now has 40% control of the US market for lettuce, tomatoes and fruit seeds.
As of 2007 the US has 142 million acres of genetically modified crops in production. World wide 282 million acres.
By 2010 it will have increased ten fold. It is already becoming difficult to get the quantities of seed needed for large farms that haven't been modified. This is expected to only get worse.
It wont be long before we will have handed total global control of our food supply to no more than five international companies who specialize only in genetic modification. More interesting, we will have handed global control of the ethanol market to these same markets.
What? did you actually think the Oil companies are too stupid to figure out they needed to diversify their market?

Think about world wide corporate domination. If you control the food you control the land on which the food grows. You control the water that feeds the crops. You control the crops that produce the fuel.
There is no way to defend yourself if you are a small to mid sized farmer anywhere. If you threaten through legal channels you will lose because you have never had any obligation to use the seeds. If you threaten through violence the seeds will be withdrawn from your economy . If you violate the agreement to not reuse the seeds of your own legal crop Monsanto will use your own laws against you, bankrupt you and then withdraw the seeds. The goal is to eliminate all competition for the corporate farms . The farms that these multinational GM seed companies have huge stakes in.

These farms and companies will control the commodities markets.
They will set the prices for the seed and the crop the seed yields. They will decide who gets the seed and who doesn't.

At one time Monsanto was responsible for more than 50 Environmental protection Agency Superfund sites. It hides it's shameful, destructive history by shuffling it's thousands of lawsuits over to a separate company Solutia.
Monsanto is the company that brought the world PCB's and dioxin. Monsanto's business practice was to dump all it's toxins into hidden pits and then lie about them. Go visit Anniston, Alabama. Hold on, better not since they have still been unable to clean up the mess Monsanto left behind. Monsanto didn't just do this kind of evil shit in it's own backyard either. It went global in poisoning people and then lying about it.

Monsanto says today that it wasn't them that did them bad things, it was that old Monsanto. "We are the new Monsanto."" You know us! We are the ones that inject cows with human growth hormone without bothering to do any long term health studies first!!"
Canada and the EU have banned this practice and made Monsanto very, very angry but it's okay..America loves it's human growth hormone milk.

MMMMMM..Autism anyone? Because, if you notice, autism is a distinctly American pandemic. The rest of the world just isn't seeing the rates the US is(yet). I just cannot imagine a good outcome for a mother to be who drinks human growth hormone milk, eats genetically modified food soaked in RoundUp and still carries around in their fat cells their childhood exposure to Monsanto dioxin and PCB's. What will the US look like in fifty years if 1 in 5 children has autism by the way?
But the good news is we have granted almost complete global domination over our food and new fuels to a company that poisons, pollutes and lies about everything they do. What trouble could that cause really?

Now on to the good news; according to Robert F Kennedy Jr in Vanity Fair
" America has the second largest geothermal resources in the world, North Dakota,Kansas, and Texas alone produce enough harnessable wind to meet all the nations electricity demand, as for solar according to Scientific American photovoltaic and solar thermal installations across just 19% of the most barren desert land in the Southwest could supply nearly all the nations electricity needs without any rooftop installation, even assuming every American owned a plug in hybrid."

So he advises giving up the trillions of dollars of coal and oil subsidies and handing it over to an army of workers to build a new renewable resource US that includes an entirely new, reliable energy grid that can tolerate DC current.
The beauty of this is it needs only a small investment from government and a large investment from the states legal departments to unravel the ridiculous laws that govern energy .
Think of all the global corporations fighting to spend their money on the biggest rebuilding America has ever seen. Think of the employment that will open up. Why stick with oil and a drowning economy when you can go green, become completely energy independent and have a booming economy ? It seems to have worked for the telecommunications business pretty well and this wouldn't be any different. Hell, Iceland has done it already, don't you think we should be able to keep up with them? Or is Iceland just way too damned advanced for the rest of us?
It would take twenty years and the results would be amazing.Even better you cannot patent the wind, the sun or the heat coming from the center of the Earth.
And wouldn't the Middle East be pissed.
If you are really a patriot and not just some asshole with a bumper sticker you would demand that your country start getting to work right the fuck now.
Real patriots are not George Bush, his oil buddies and Rush Limbaugh. Real patriots want their country to be number one in every damn thing and to not be a welfare country begging China for it's allowance.

So for anyone of who actually goes to political rallies and asks candidates questions ask them about Monsanto, ask them about a solar farm in that desert and more importantly Is it really that hard to beat Iceland? .
If Iceland can go from 80% dependency on foreign coal and oil in 1970 to the fourth most affluent country in the world and completely energy independent in 2007 what the hell is wrong with the rest of the world?

Are we truly that lame?

and so it begins

2008-04-16T21:22:00.000-07:00

So did anyone think I was maybe exaggerating a little about the problems that are creeping up on us? Maybe embellishing for dramatic effect?
How about this: Food riots!
Now let's have another look around the world. Oh! here's something interesting Drought.
On to that even more scary issue of crop failure and genetically modified seed.

Maybe I can find something about how one country is refusing to hand over samples of the avian flu to the US how about this?
Or this
This seems a little suspect and kinda paranoid?

So all that is left is a little history about what happens when the power goes out

You may have noticed that I haven't included climate control issues but it wouldn't hurt to have a look for those of you that believe in it. Those of you that still think the earth is flat and Intelligent design is an actual science can skip this part.

I neglected to mention war and water

Wow, I think I may have depressed myself pretty badly but you may have missed the news that taking anti-depressants increases your risks for diabetes.
Ain't that just great.......

ok ok now for the fun

2008-04-15T23:04:00.000-07:00

So here you sit in your stone built, steel cladded home with hot and cold running water, heat on demand, a perfectly functional toilet and shower, stores of food, active gardens and a bunch of farm animals you are more than a little clueless about that live right next door. You have renewable and non renewable energy sources, though getting through all the available coal and wood will be a herculean task for a very small group so let's not label it non renewable too quickly.You have a wind mill, a water wheel (for that mill you are going to build sometime) maybe some geothermal.In the basement there is one room filled only with small and giant batteries and a second room filled with friction flashlights and lamps. You have more than enough energy to provide security.

You have constructed ingenious security measures all over the damn place to keep the scary, weird and desperate out of the garden and off the front lawn. Yes, you did get a few guns because sometimes a huge jolt of electricity is just not enough of a deterrent for some.

You have effectively isolated and quarantined yourself in a place remote enough that getting there would cripple the resources of most people.

Outside the world is still struggling to contain what are really minor outbreaks of an unknown, non treatable virus. Because there was no effective plan in place hospitals were overrun and could no longer function. Unfortunately during this spell of minor outbreak the power grid experienced a comprehensive failure throughout North and South America . There was no espionage, no terrorist attacks but there was a media/intelligence blackout caused by the loss of power so everyone jumped to the wrong conclusions. Including those governments that have been waiting for any excuse to start some Shock and Awe on a few enemies. Hell, who could blame them ? First a plague and then the darkness? Had to be the bad guys right? Of course those so called bad guys are a little panicked themselves and gear up to retaliate against their favorite enemies too.
While everyone gets busy grabbing a weapon( hopefully something huge like a fully automatic machine gun and a rocket launcher or two) all the traffic stops. Sadly almost all our food arrives to the city by train, plane or big trucks. Those in charge of transport services are a little busy panicking in their basement preparing for the invasion of the Islamic/Christian/Jewish fundamentalists or the South American socialists or worse the dreaded communists to go and do their jobs. And they really don't want to be out on the streets anyway in case they get coughed on by a fever frazzled bird flu carrier or get t-boned by some idiot because the streetlights aren't working and no one knows the four way stop rule.
Because you could see this shit coming you didn't have to get into a fight to the death over a shopping cart filled with canned beans , spaghetti ,12 cases of diet Pepsi and a bag of extra cheesy Doritos at your local Piggly Wiggly. You did have the pleasure of watching that fight on CNN while their generators still held out. You also noted that no one had the good sense to go for the perishables before they became bacterial breeding grounds. The groups that came after had the dubious distinction of having no sense and they didn't need any strange new virus to die. Bad meat worked faster.
Ever wonder how long the food will last in a city of millions if it doesn't get resupplied? I guess if you have a few big guns and a few big trucks you could empty out most grocery stores in a day or two and find out. Then all you need are electric or gas generators and storage. Storage is something we all excel at. We have buildings for nothing but storage and a lot of them are climate controlled. All they need is access to some energy and Home Depot and friends all stock generators large and small.
Control the food and you control the city. Get a few rival gangs vying for food power and we usher in the time of Urban warfare.
How long will the cops stay on the side of the angels? Yeah, right. They will be the first gang formed and their firepower will be awesome. The military and the politicians will be a rival gang. Their firepower will be a thing to behold...they have jets, jets with bombs. The there will be the common roving groups of family bonded bandits scooping up the leftovers.
The US and other fundamentalist countries are going to have one more group than everyone else. The religious zealot who is filled with ecstasy and fury. The ecstasy because The Bible was right dammit but the fury will be worse because they are still on earth and have obviously been judged unworthy to join the rapture. These are going to be some very,very pissed off Christians who will promptly burn every copy of the New Testament so they can get right back to "my god is an angry, jealous, vindicative motherfucker Old Testament style God who is more than happy to nuke your ass if you don't bring me food,gas and lodging right the fuck now." And because half these nutjobs are US senators, Governors or congresspeople they wont have any trouble finding an Army Fort filled to the brim with jets and nuclear warheads to get their point across.
This convergence of minor, multiple events will scare the shit out of the US because their first response to disaster is always AlQueda did it until proven otherwise. And because all the lights are out and communication is near impossible it's going to be hard to prove quickly that it was nothing but a regular,dumb, fuck up of neglected maintenance. Now stir in some "refugees" running away from drought stricken areas. Then spice this mess up with the fact that there are no staple grains, corn or rice in mass, global production and the available surplus is a) being converted right before your eyes into ethanol or b) way too expensive for the likes of you to buy. The only problem is only about 10% of the population has a vehicle that's been adapted to accept 100% ethanol . Then there is the issue of no one in their right mind going out for a drive so there really is no market for that ethanol. Even when farmers go back to farming grain it will still take another three to six months for the first crops to come in( if the climate is agreeable). Then it will take a little time to process it and convert it into a loaf of a bread. By that time there wont be any stores open to sell it but I am pretty sure our two main gangs would be happy to exchange protection for food. That may involve some minor farming wars for control of the fields,the water, the seed and the machines.

You can mix and match each of these small disasters, make the energy ethanol crisis come first if you like. See the prices of grain, corn and rice explode. No one can afford to buy it. Whole countries begin to starve while the economies of the sellers first prosper causing global fury and then when no one can afford to buy watch these markets collapse and bring down whole governments.
You can actually witness this in real time in Canada with the hog crisis. We have a massive surplus of pigs because we discovered a vaccine that stopped a virus that was created by factory farming millions of living creatures in grotesque conditions. The result is too many hogs and the grain prices are too high to feed them all and still make a good profit. The governments solution is to kill as many as possible and pay the farmer $225 for each dead breeding pig. The catch is to get that money you have to kill all your pigs and promise to stop raising pigs for three years. So the giant hog factories will survive as intended and all the smaller farms will have no choice but to take the money because they cannot afford to buy the grain to feed the hogs at the low, low prices hogs are traded at. These farms disappear creating a new wave of unemployment , resentment and poverty. Not only have they lost their jobs they can't pay their farm mortgage and end up homeless.Who wants to buy a hog farm you aren't allowed to have hogs on? Anyone?
Then the hogs get scarce and the prices go up but because no one can afford them except an elite few the market will collapse because markets during disasters don't behave as expected anymore.. The hogs will be worthless except as food and no one wants food, they want money to buy food.
Let's add more and more cases of bird flu striking all over the east and the west. Show that it is jumping to humans faster and faster and let the media incite the terror. Watch for billions of domesticated poultry and wild water fowl being slaughtered leaving a trail of bankruptcies and fear and unlucky chicken feet. The chickens will have the same fate as the Canadian hogs....one day worthless, the next a luxury commodity no one can afford. In enough time there wont be any grain to feed them anyway and they will either be slaughtered or abandoned. I predict abandonment. It costs money to slaughter and no one will want to waste any resources on something that no longer has any value, except as food. Abandoned flocks will mingle with wild fowl and who knows? Maybe a new mutation of avian flu.
Anybody else seeing the irony of slaughtering food when millions are starving because of the margin of profit? Do you think we may regret this some day when the pork industry consists of your two pigs?
You could have started with drought and the loss of millions of acres of grazing land that leads to the starvation of beef cattle, those that survive sold at terrible losses. more bankruptcies. Beef joins the luxury items list. More unemployed, homeless farmers to stir the pot.
We can mix in more severe global drought that creates global migration of people and animals. The people unwelcome, persecuted and left at border lands to starve or adapt to their new conditions.

It could be fascinating to see human refugees, wild chickens,wild hogs and wild cattle fighting it out with evolution. Adapt or die. And after the African experience with transplanting our brand of cattle to semi arid grasslands we already know the cattle are going to die. I have high hopes for the chickens though and the people.
The loss of the electrical grid that goes on too long in a world already too overstretched with food and water shortages , a world that has been stretched to the breaking point by George Bush and his fear everyone campaign of terror. Big Pharma unable to keep up with the Ativan and Xanax demands. Mass untreated, unrelieved anxiety that devolves into suicides and family violence and the circle of violence widening to include anyone who appears threatening in any way.
A global community that has only one thing in common: everyone is afraid of everyone else . Everyone waiting for the other shoe to drop, already knowing who to blame and retaliate against if it does.

I haven't even mentioned global climate change once...add some natural disasters in there if you are so inclined.

So it doesn't matter the sequence of events. What matters is you are snug and have enough extra energy to run the tv and DVD player. Every night will be movie night if you planned well. You should have at least one good book a day to read. If you thought ahead to buy a sewing machine now is the time to see whose ass you could have kicked on Project Runway. You do to have time to create couture now. It doesn't have to be all "Little House on the Prairie". It's possible to make the end of civilization fun and rewarding.
And when about fifty years pass and the survivors have all stopped bombing, shooting and glaring at each other you could have a chance to build a better world this time. And that could be a lot of fun.

housing

2008-04-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

You have to build your home if you want it to really meet all your needs. I know, this project is starting to sound ridiculously expensive right? But it doesn't need to be because you aren't building a McMansion are you? You are building a farmers cottage. A two story stone and concrete home with an attached stone barn. The stone will come from your own land. The concrete will come from Home Depot. Your house will have two rooms on the first floor and three on the top. The bottom floor is a large country kitchen equipped with a wood or solid fuel Stratford boiler stove and a free standing double sided Inglenook fireplace which will be the only thing that separates the kitchen from the family room. Ceilings should be kept low to avoid heat loss. The Inglenook fireplace should be used for heat and baking. The family bathroom should be off the kitchen to save on plumbing runs.
In floor heating should be used throughout the bottom and top floors . The upstairs should be three small bedrooms with vaulted ceilings to trap heat. Each room should be equipped with a ceiling fan to recirculate heat.
No one wants to freeze to death in their own bed so a specialist will need to be involved to make sure you are making the absolute best use of energy for heat.And that your roof is made of steel and your insulation is second to none.
Having a conservatory that is well insulated can be an excellent heat sink, a poorly insulated one will make your life a misery.
The well insulated conservatory should be east facing and be off the kitchen. It should provide all the natural light for the first floor. Having windows everywhere is a bad idea if you want to conserve energy.Your lighting should provide heat as well.
Skylights are a better choice for lighting the upstairs. Solar tubes will bring in natural light to each bedroom and limit heat loss .
Your home will need a basement. A strong leak proof basement. Most of your cost for your home needs to be invested into the foundation and the creation of a double basement.
You are going to experience some intermittent security issues when people notice you have smoke coming from your chimneys. Don't forget that some people are going to notice your building and some will be aware of it's advantages to survival. This is where some ethics bending is going to occur. It's up to you how far your ethics will bend before they snap. Taking up arms and shooting strangers may be your thing but some of us don't bend too far that way so an escape hatch will be necessary.
Your escape hatch should be as well provided for as your regular home and it should be unbreachable.
I would advocate a security system of extreme deterrence though. Your property should be fenced and electrified. Your home should be built in the manner of a fortress. Avoiding the use of wood eliminates the risk of being burnt out of your home. Using stone and rock deters easy entrance. Adding solid steel rolling doors to cover the conservatory and the front entrance continue to deter. (Think "I am Legend")
Violence should be a final act of survival. If you plan the building of your home well no intruder will have the time nor resources to burrow their way in.
Do try to remember that it is not a crime to add fellow survivors to your home. Community will need to be rebuilt and it would be nice to have already created a relationship with your potential new neighbours right?

Now on to plumbing. A septic tank with weeping tile is an easy choice but there are composting toilets on the market that come in kit form and are relatively easy to manage.You could add a gray water system that diverts sink/shower/laundry water into run off to trees and gardens if you only use organic cleaning supplies. Using both you can avoid the cost of having the septic system installed and avoid any septic disasters that will leave you vulnerable unless you had the foresight to offer to roommate with a septic expert.

Your house will have three sinks:kitchen, bathroom and laundry. The Stratford boiler stove will provide hot and cold running water to the sinks, the shower and the laundry. There will be hot and cold water access to the barn . There will be a separate smaller boiler stove in the secondary basement on standby with it's own access to the secondary well. This will be a safety buffer in case of violent people or violent weather. Be prepared even if you believe your defenses are impenetrable. A composting toilet will be a true necessity here
You will be using wood from your own woodlot but there is no excuse for not bringing in a good supply of solid fuel..that would be coal. I think we can be forgiven for any acid rain emissions here as we are trying to survive remember?

So you have heat and running water within your home.
Now on to a renewable energy source. If you are incredibly lucky and you researched well before you bought you may have access to some form of geothermal energy. The holy grail so to speak. You will definitely need an expert to help create this system. You can also use wind and solar. Both are getting less expensive and you can use them in combination. You also have a running creek and a pond, what could be more perfect for a water wheel? A water wheel that could provide energy and a water wheel that could be used to transform your grain and corn to flour.
You will only need energy for doing laundry and some lighting and of course for entertainment as the boiler stove and the Inglenook fireplace should be more than enough to cover your cooking and heating needs.
Lighting can also be provided by oil, battery or friction lamps. I would avoid oil lamps as no one wants to have to render fat to keep them going and your oil supply is going to nonexistent as the masses will have hoarded every drop within the first three weeks of any true breakdown in civilization . Your political leaders all have security plans and they will include getting and guarding the gas and oil. You aren't going to be seeing the President using a windup friction flashlight any time soon. But because you are smart you will have hoarded every friction lamp and flashlight you could find right? Your battery supply will be a thing to behold.

I guess the idea is to be be completely self reliant for everything you need. That includes water, food and shelter. It also means security. I hope it wont be all Stephen Kings The Stand(minus the hand of God hopefully) but it sounds pretty likely to me that some of it is possible. If you want to survive you have to be able to defend your little plot until the insanity burns itself out along with the pandemic, the energy crisis, the limited clean water supply, the lack of food etc, etc, etc.....

It may take years for things to get better because they are going to get very bad. Because no politician will have a quick enough answer for each problem the problems will begin to cascade. If every other country is struggling with the same problems no one can come to the others aid. It can only be controlled for a short time militarily and if you have a) a small or nonexistent army b) your army is somewhere else or c) you have some army but they are burnt out and disinterested then gaining control over a populace that has devolved into a panicked mob will take some time and some resources. Resources which I may have mentioned are scare.
Somalia is a perfect example of what is waiting for us if each system breaks down enough to create a cascade of failures in all the systems. No water, no food, no leadership, no grid, no oil, rampant disease, starvation...genocide. To the survivors go the spoils. It took that country twenty years to become a wasteland and a new home for AlQueda.

The final issue is health care. It's all well and good to have hot and cold running water with a good sanitary system. You can avoid e-coli/cholera related disease. You have heat and a good cooking stove so you avoid frostbite and food poisoning. You have a well thought out food supply and an active organic garden so you avoid diseases of malnutrition.
But what happens if you get appendicitis? Or you pick up some parasites from the livestock?
This is not something you can really pre-plan for because most of your requests will make you look insane or worse criminal and you really, really don't want to be in jail when civilization decides to vacate the premises.
You better have a well stocked first aid kit that includes an entire pharmacy and the drug book that goes with it. I think you can probably skip the anti-depressants though. You'll be a little too busy to get depressed. I wouldn't skip the anti-anxiety aisle though. A healthy stock of Xanax could be as valuable in the first three weeks as clean water.
You need to take some big risks here and get to the pharmacy before everyone else does. I just can't see getting your doc to write thirty thousand prescriptions in a week can you?
This is really the only time violence may be a necessary tool. 99% of the people trying to rob the pharmacy are looking for the Vicodin and the Oxycontin. We want the antibiotics, the pain killers and the wormers. We want everything they have just in case. In fact we may need to raid more than one pharmacy if it all goes to hell because we will have no idea how many people we may need to care for. People who want narcotics very badly are going to be prepared to fight for them so we are going to have to be better prepared and want them more.
We also need to raid the hospital for everything in their operating room. No one wants to try to remove an appendix on the kitchen table using a friction flashlight, a kitchen knife, some eyebrow tweezers and a corduroy iron on patch while the patient is awake. We will need the real deal.
Luckily the hospital will either be deserted or complete bedlam and sneaking out what we need while dressed in full isolation gear isn't going to be all that difficult. The hard part is avoiding being recruited to provide care to plague carriers. It's best to go at night or right before the dawn.
So hopefully you now have that well stocked first aid kit. All you need now is the directions for the human body. That you should have prepared for. You should have spent some hours on the internet getting precise instructions with full colour pictures on the most common emergency surgeries. You should already know how to cast anything that can break.
We should already have stocked up on all our livestock medical supplies though if it looks safe enough it couldn't hurt to raid the local vet for IV supplies and animal drugs. The premise ( and hope) is this disaster is going to be slow moving. There is going to be enough time to get educated about a lot of things and to have supplies to meet the challenges for almost all of them.

What I am saying is there is hope. You don't have to become a raving lunatic paralyzed with fear. You have everything you need to survive anything at your finger tips.
You don't need oil to live, you don't need the grid to survive.
All you need is a clear head, a lot of courage and some simple planning.

You can continue to listen to the bullshit your politicians spout about dependence but you don't need to be dependent on the things civilization has built. You can depend on the things the earth has built. Like wind, water and sun. Like seams of coal and forests. Like plentiful seed and animal dung. On stone ,rock and clay.

Someone once wrote that the two most important words ever written are "Don't Panic". Give it a try because if everyone held their shit together there wouldn't be a disaster at all.We would all sit patiently and resist the urge to raid The Great Canadian Superstore, the liquor store and the gun shop. Imagine how much shit could be avoided if we eliminated drunken assholes terrorizing people with AK47's over that last bag of sugar and the red licorice nibs.
It might give our leaders a chance to get a plan in place that leaves us a little hungry , quarantined and isolated ,occasionally in the dark with a permanent boil water advisory but with a fighting chance to survive a disaster that will ravage and destroy every other country that lost it's shit in the dark.

If we fail the Don't Panic rule I sure as hell hope you have that nice homestead I have described.
I hope we will be neighbours so we can share a laugh at the utter stupidity of the human race.

so let's begin

2008-04-10T23:09:00.000-07:00

My first job is to identify exactly what is truly necessary for survival. I can play around with the entertainment factor once I have made sure I will be around long enough to need to be entertained.
The basics are clean water, food , shelter and waste removal.
We need to start with choosing our shelter because if we choose wisely the rest of our basic needs should follow. Shelter for our purposes means the land where you will live not the house you will live in ok?
There are two ways of going about this. The first is to invest in a large amount of remote farmland that has a clear, spring water pond, a creek and a large mature forest far away from a nuclear spent rod storage area . The second is to wait until disaster strikes and then takeover the same remote farmland after the owners have gone.
The first one will be expensive, it may be out of the realm of my financial resources.
I may have to scour the real estate ads and make a selection of my top ten and then enter a world in chaos and try to travel to these choices in the mad hope that one of theses places will be truly empty.
That plan is insane.
So we must go back to buying some land. The farther north you go, avoiding all the public hot spots for tourists you can start to see that the land prices begin to drop dramatically. It's really no ones idea of a fun vacation to fight off clouds of black flies.
So it is possible to find land that has the water and the woods and is far enough away that radiation fallout should be survivable.
Remember that in the event that the electrical grid fails and even a mild, sporadic pandemic is raging the people responsible for keeping the cold water flowing over the spent rods may not be able to make it into work. Add a little civil unrest and it's impossible. Some of the storage sites will fail.
So for all of you that spent time fussing over the possibility that the reactors themselves would go boom they have built in, fail safe shut down systems. Unfortunately they seem to have forgotten to provide that service to the site for the waste they create other than the electric grid itself and a back up generator dependent on oil and a willing and living person to service that generator for years. That same waste we haven't got the political will to do anything about because we are a world that is always howling "not in my backyard". A world happy to enjoy the benefits but too selfish to accept the responsibilities.
So the plan has to include avoiding all the shit irresponsible, arrogant triple generations have left laying around. This includes caustic, deadly chemicals forced into an unnatural liquid state left with no backups to keep them from reverting back to their natural,deadly gaseous state.
So the plan must also avoid being anywhere near any factories, small or large.
I know that when employees are struggling with grid problems, rumours of sporadic but fatal viral outbreaks, food shortages and civil unrest they lose the motivation to leave their families alone and undefended. They wont be able to keep a lid on the chemicals..literally and they will be scared of them. They will understand the risks better than any of us.
Remember disaster wont occur over one failure. It will take small, concurrent events and how badly we react to them to get the disaster ball rolling fast enough to overcome our natural ingenuity.
We are living on the tipping point right now, how we respond to it will set our course. You already know my feelings about how we will respond...very, very badly.
The ME,ME,ME generation has never been given the tools to overcome adversity very well. An example would be the thousands of people sitting helpless in the dome in New Orleans despite knowing that a two or three hour walk would have taken them out of the danger area. Thousands refusing to leave a city despite being told they were at risk of death instead waiting for a bus from the "government". We have lost our instincts for survival. We would rather just sit and wait for someone else to come to our rescue.
It's why we are watching the world split at it's seams and then turning the channel to see how Britney is feeling today.
Ever consider that Britney's response to her world was actually normal? Evolution in action. If she survives it means she has successfully adapted to being prey.
Britney should be the example we follow. We all must adapt and devise new strategies to manage a hostile uncaring environment that has no interest in our survival.

So let's say we have purchased our plot of land.Because it has to be incredibly remote to avoid fallout from all airborne chemical or radioactive fallout the land will be rough and very rustic.
It will have to be cleared to make room for a home, a barn, a large market garden and paddocks for livestock.
But first things first. The wells must be dug and the water tested. Everything will rely on the amount of water available and it's quality. The pond must be healthy. Healthy enough to support a diverse selection of wild and domestic creatures. The spring that supplies the pond must be deep and come from the river or creek that runs through the property.It cannot be from the same water table your wells are pumping from.
You have to be able to share all that water amongst yourselves and every other animal and plant that lives alongside you . Their survival will ensure yours.
The next on your list is the health of your woodlots. You must have a good mixture of mature, immature and newborns. You should have proper space to add fruit trees . It will be near impossible to find a place that offers fruit trees that far north. You will have to research what will be able to survive the conditions. You must only add plants that can match their environments. You wont have the time, water or the chemicals to baby fragile trees.
Adding fruit trees wont be an immediate concern but it will be an eventual necessity, start the research and planning as soon as possible.
You will need to have enough mature trees to provide years of firewood. Your woodlot is for your survival in a climate that will be brutal in winter. Make sure you educate yourself before you sign the mortgage.
So now you have a good water supply in a good area. You have a sustainable forest that can survive and thrive despite your needs. You have a water supply for wildlife and livestock.
You do not need livestock to survive but you will have to rely on powdered milk and you will have to find your protein through beans. Having some chickens and a rooster or two , a small herd of four goats, three cows and a steer will be manageable. They will provide milk, eggs and meat protein and their skins can be tanned and used for clothing.
They will require a proper well insulated barn attached to the house by a small hallway. You do not want to freeze to death in a blizzard just to check to see if the chickens are okay.
You must create a garden to scale. The scale is how many are in your group and how much food they need to survive. Concentrate on staples that store well. Carrots, potatoes, all the root vegetables. Corn needs to be grown for the animals and to make flatbreads. Corn is a huge carb source. Great for energy. It can also be stored well and is self seeding.
Wild raspberry should be everywhere. If not grow as many canes as you can around the property. They will attract bees and butterflies that you need for germination. You can also grow blueberries, rhubarb and gooseberries. All fruit that can be jammed and canned.
It is essential that all of this is preplanned and in place. Enough stores of canned goods and feed/hay/straw for the livestock should be bought to last at least five years. It may take you that long to get your farm running efficiently enough to cover your needs.
Investing in silos of corn and wheat will be a huge expense. It will be up to the individual to decide if the local situation is sliding so violently and speedily into catastrophe that the expense is worth it.

Concentrate in your first years on corn, potatoes and carrots. They contain essential vitamins that will prevent diseases of malnutrition.
Your livestock must be hardy and be built for the conditions as they will be self reliant for food until winter. There needs to abundant grassy areas. Enough to keep them fat and enough for you to cut to keep them from starving through the winter. They can be supplemented with corn but crops as we know can be unreliable. If things have settled enough to leave the farm and enter a small town with a feed mill you may be able to gather any grain that has been abandoned. It could be a foolhardy risk. Better to plan ahead when you can to avoid having to contact the outside world. That is why you bought that five years worth of feed before the shit hit the fan right?

To recap once more: you have water, you have wood,you have built a well insulated barn that connects to your house, you have bought five years worth of supplies for yourself and the livestock, you have chickens,goats and cattle and you have fenced them in so they cannot escape but you have given them enough room to find summer food, you have a large enough garden to cover your needs and you have fruit to be canned for the winter.
In the next chapter I have to choose the house I want to live in and then I must choose how I want to produce any energy I need for plumbing.
Solar , wind or maybe the holy grail of geothermal!!! Or my favorite........ friction.
I need to design a waste removal system too.

Then I have to consider how to provide medical care and along with that security.

I will at all costs avoid dressing like an unfortunate polygamists wife so that will bring us finally to how to entertain yourself at the end of the world as you knew it.

planning for the future

2008-04-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

Now we all know that the risks of pandemic, drought, grid failure and crop failure exist but the risk of one happening and throwing the human race back into the dark ages instantly is pretty damn small. It's highly unlikely the world would experience one of them on a grand enough scale to really make much of a dent in the population. Sure we would maybe lose a billion people, sounds horrific right? But there is still 5 billion of us left. We can agree that some countries, states, provinces will become ghost towns but on the grand scale the loss of a billion people will be hardly noticeable unless you happened to be one of the ghost towns hopefully former inhabitants.
It's all relative you see.
In fact we could easily absorb the loss of half our population. The world would be considerably more manageable at that population level. Cruel but true.

The problem is we wont experience just one of these sentinel events. It's obvious that right now we are experiencing all of them. Granted it's all on a very small scale at present. Every country is having problems with drought and water allocation. Many underdeveloped countries are already at war with each other over water resources though they call it different names like religious or political conflict.
Many countries in Asia and Eastern Europe are experiencing the effects of a viral flu that appears to have crossed over to domestic bird stock and people from wild, migratory birds. We have only recently recovered from SARS and we still have no real plan in place other than isolation, quarantine, cross your fingers and hope for the best.
Electrical grid failure is a daily fact of life in underdeveloped countries, some have no existing grid at all outside their major cities. Those of us in the developed West and Europe have experienced grid failure only rarely and it is treated each time as a catastrophic emergency. The countries without constant electricity are thrilled when it does go on and resigned when it does not. It is only us, the technology dependent that find the loss of the grid paralyzing and awful.
We haven't got very far in the crop crisis. Corn is the most visible concern. Many are fighting against genetically altered sterile seed. They are fighting to keep the modifications but fighting against making the plants sterile. They understand the huge risk of a monopoly on seed.
They are fighting some giant multinational companies with endless resources and lots of cronies.
If they lose this battle they will have to make some very hard choices. To ignore the advantages of the modified to escape paying the yearly ransom they will have to accept that their yields may be smaller. Their farming more labour intensive. They will be less competitive in the global market. Their profit margins will be smaller but they will have protected their control over their food and in turn they provide jobs and factories that will help maintain their economy.
The corn for ethanol issue is much trickier. For years environmentalists have begged,pleaded and cajoled governments into looking for alternative fuels. They promoted the ethanol solution. It will be very hard to publicly admit that the choice of corn was a terrible one. Corn farmers who have invested millions to create refineries to transform corn into ethanol will be immovable. They have gambled all they have on the success of corn based ethanol. Convincing them to change to sugar beets or switch grasses wont be an easy sell. It will require intense political pressure and large financial subsidies to get this turned around. There will be some egos involved here. No one wants to have to take the blame for idiocy and for putting the food supply at risk.
It will need a leader of incredible will and I look around at my own country and the countries around me and I don't see any potential leaders with that kind of focus and will, do you?

So the reality is all these disaster ingredients are already in the blender and the blender is turned on. We can turn the blender off of course. The cost will be shocking and in the early days it may be a form of political suicide to take such a stand.
In reality it looks more like most of the political leaders of the world are so intentionally uneducated about environmental costs the first thing they pledge to do is crank that blender to 9.
I have no faith left in any political leaders. I have no belief that Oprah and her new cult will do anything either. You have to realize that this women flies across the country in a private jet once a month or so to get her eyebrows tweezed,scrubbed and buffed. She has no environmental awareness at all. Worse she believes wholeheartedly in pulling young girls away from their family and their community so they can attend boarding school. The place to go to be taught how to succeed in the middle class predominately white controlled city world. Too over educated and too curious to return home to help their community rise up. Oprah wants them to be leaders in their country. A country they have been segregated from for all their formative years. They will have such a sense of disconnect they will spend years wandering from place to place searching for that they could call home. Who will call them leader when the people no longer know who they are?How much more good could have been done if the schools had been created within their own communities? They could have shared all their newfound knowledge without losing the culture and ritual that makes them who they were born to be. Educating one within the community offers education to all of the community. Instead Oprah chose impersonal culturally blank segregated boarding schools. What a recipe for dislocation and disconnect. Leaders that once again have no idea how the people live and what would be necessary to make things better while respecting culture and ritual.
Kings and dictators of Africa have alway sent their children away to boarding schools and Oprah has embraced the same disastrous model .Arrogantly disrespecting the ability of native teachers, substituting foreigners as if they were better. A recipe to make the students ashamed of where they came from.

I believe that the blender is blending and the end results have become inescapable.
The world will slowly devolve into crisis after crisis. Waves of disaster reported casually by Anderson Cooper. No one noticing, no one caring until it begins to come home. Your home.

You will be personally responsible for your own survival. Has anyone else noticed that the Government of Canada has been showing commercials regularly that demand that everyone must have an emergency kit that will keep you safe for at least 72 hours?. There is even a web site GetPrepared. Ominous I think. Maybe someone in the Public Safety division can see what is just under the service.

I guess what I am saying is if we continue to behave in the same ways ignoring that inner whisper that is trying to tell us through the fog of sleeping pills, anti depressants and anti anxiety meds that something terrible is happening we will have to accept the consequences.

My reoccurring anxiety itch is the obsessive need to create a fool proof plan to survive the coming storm.
I have begun to research how to create my own energy sources , how to access my own water resources, how to create my own sustainable food program and how to avoid being a victim of a pandemic. The plan has to be fully independent and easy to maintain and fix if something were to fail. I need to create a plan on how to create defenses when conflict breaks out.
The plan has to be all encompassing and it has to be easy to teach to others. The materials all have to be natural and easily available with a little sweat.
My plan cannot include indiscriminate looting .My looting has to be focused on obtaining as many medical and pharmaceutical supplies that I can s0 I will be able to treat just about anything that comes along. My plan has to include the ability to provide medical care. I need to create a library that includes every aspect of green technology and the Dummies Guide on how to remove an appendix when you are not a surgeon.
I am hoping that by writing this plan out in unlimited detail I will be able to begin to act on it.
I will have a plan on how to implement my plan.
Sometimes I think that doc was wrong when he said I didn't have OCD.
Or maybe I am listening to the world and it's saying take cover you idiot.
I would be pleased to hear any suggestions even if they seem crazy when you say it out loud.
Maybe it is time to fight crazy with crazy.

I am hungry

2008-04-09T13:59:00.000-07:00

So our final candidate is catastrophic crop failure. This one is the most dangerous. Right now major research companies are working to genetically alter every available seed. This can be a wonderful thing but on the whole it will be disastrous.
Every creature and plant on this earth is co-dependent. They aren't kidding when they call it the circle of life people.
Someone somewhere started playing around with how we could make seed resistant to pests. By doing this we have denied a food source for a bunch of bugs. Poor bugs right? why do we even need them? Well bugs are food for other creatures and because the bugs can't find a meal they die. Now the next bug eating group including many birds can't find a meal and they die and so on and so on. The next trick the researchers did was create a bug resistant plant that turned out to be sterile. A plant that cannot procreate. It makes no seed people. This is great for the company, it gets to sell its seed over and over with ever increasing costs. The fact that it is seedless means that the animals that depend on seed can't find a decent meal. Not so great. Because there is a huge class of seed eating creatures that poop that means any of the seed that passes though them can create a new plant. Without seed there is no new growth.
Right now researchers are focusing their attention on the big three:grain, corn and rice. The food no one in the world can do without. Every country has their preference for one of them and they farm for them intensively.
I can understand why they want a seed that can do amazing things..bug resistant, drought resistant, increased vitamins, minerals and proteins. Efficient food for the masses. But why sterile? What country in it's right mind would hold themselves hostage to a research company ?
If the company wants more money for it's seed how can you refuse to pay it? You no longer have any seed of your own.
Let's say everyone sits down in a room for a secret meeting and they all agree that genetically modified seed is the only way to go. They are made aware of the possible environmental repercussions, they are aware they are now completely dependent on their science partners.
Let's say that the WHO and the IMF fully back this new way of life. They will only approve loans to countries that have converted to genetic modification.
At first this will be wonderful. Huge crops..lot's of food. Then the surplus problem begins.
There are only a few ways to deal with surplus food. You can drop the prices dramatically in the hopes it will sell but here's the problem. Everyone is growing their own supercrops and they are all hugely successful, They don't have any need to buy anyone else's crops. They can't sell their own surplus , there is no way in hell they are buying yours.
A large part of the worlds economic markets base themselves around commodities. These markets would begin to be redundant. If you know the crops are great and they are cheap who is going to invest money to trade in their future?
So the markets will have to change. Remember that the selling of crops is huge business for almost every country on the planet. What happens when that money disappears?

So on a positive note you appear to have a great food supply. On the negative side your economy has taken a huge blow from the loss of income . A new problem soon becomes apparent. Hundreds of small businesses survived by supporting agriculture. Petrochemical companies that made pesticides are no longer necessary. Mechanization has made farm workers redundant.
Plants that don't need constant tending and grow in splendid organized rows need only a machine to plant the seed and a machine to harvest the crop. One more machine to make the ground ready for planting. Remember there is little need for fertilizer, these seeds are modified to need little. Really one machine could do all these tasks. The technology is already available.
All it needs is a couple of minimum wage drivers. We loose a few more farm equipment manufacturers and suppliers.
Of course we know that most countries wont be able to resist pushing the limits of the modifications. They will plant anywhere. Forests and meadows will disappear even faster than they are already. Edges of deserts will be tried.
The plant life and the animals will be sacrificed to the new crops.
More and more countries will become reliant on one crop with nothing available to replace it.

This is the recipe for catastrophic crop failure. First it begins with the economy that surrounds the crop that fails. There is no employment and there is no available markets to make any money. This makes a country unstable and anxious. Then the time arrives to purchase the new seed. Remember the crops are sterile, you a completely dependent. You discover that you don't have enough money to buy the same amount of seed.
You look around and see that some countries are having no problem coming up with the money for theirs. So the surplus continues. You downsize your crops. Your surplus disappears. Over the next few years your economy worsens and so does your neighbours. Unemployment is rampant and your country is drowning in debt. You can't afford the seed anymore and you have no replacement. Everyone is in the same boat except a few. The world economy is in shambles.
The few countries that can afford the seed continue to grow.
They still have surplus but now no one can afford to buy it.
Because of the environmental devastation created by a mono crop the weather changes faster than predicted.
With economic disaster comes rampant poverty and rebellion. Everyone begins to fight over seed, the land and weather to grow it.
By allowing a company to control your food and having no backup you sentence your country to poverty and starvation.
By making it global you sentence the whole world to disaster.

Diversity exists because evolution did it's research. Having thousands of different ways to feed yourself protects you from starvation.

Our biggest failure is relying so heavily on three basic crops, grain, corn and rice. To then genetically alter the seeds and make them sterile is blatantly insane. To commodify food and base part of your economic fortune on it also demonstrates a stunning arrogance and stupidity.

Food is for survival. To market it as a luxury is monstrous.
It's better to accept a few bugs, it's better to be forced to grow native crops that have their own natural resistance to drought. It's better to allow seeds to procreate.

The moment you start fucking around with mother nature she will cheerfully abandon you. If you are unsatisfied with the incredible complexities of our natural food you are certifiably stupid and probably crazy.

Have a look around at your local grocery store. Look at the ingredients in the food you eat every day. Now think about what you are going to eat if grain, corn and rice disappear. Think about what those beef cattle are going to eat when grain has disappeared. What will we feed those billions and billions of chickens?
No cows, no milk, no steak. No chickens? say goodbye to KFC. No grain? No bread, no cookies, no cake, no cat or dog kibble........No rice? wow, half the world will have no carb source.
It's just a little list off the top of my head. I can bet you can think of thousands more.

Now we look at a different perspective, using the three most necessary survival food crops as a replacement for oil.
Corn is used to create ethanol, a source of fuel to replace oil. Right now corn is becoming so expensive it is only for countries that can afford it. Corn isn't only being grown for food anymore, it's for making ethanol. Corn is a terrible choice for ethanol. It requires huge amounts of corn to create a low energy fuel. America ignored the countries that efficiently produce high energy ethanol by using non critical food crops: sugar beets, sugar cane....instead they chose the most inefficient. They chose a critical survival crop that requires large amounts of water, fertilizer and land mass to grow.

One can only guess what would happen if some researcher figured out a way to make rice and grain into ethanol....oh right, the technology already exists to do this. Anyone who has ever drank sake knows it's an alcohol that can be burned. Grain alcohol has blinded or killed a lot of people. I think at least one in a thousand of us knows some one who knows someone who has an operating still right now. They know very well that grain alcohol burns very,very well.

What happens when oil becomes scarce and too expensive for all but the very rich? Don't you already know?
We will burn our staple goods so we can drive our cars. And if that means that our surplus disappears or we price that surplus outrageously will we care that entire countries will be pushed into starvation?
Only when American Idol performs it's American Idol Gives Back telethon once a year probably.
I love it that we want to be entertained by the starving before we are willing to give them a buck(as long as it's tax deductible ).

Catastrophic crop loss through genetic modification and enforced sterility of the seeds, catastrophic crop loss because we choose to use our food as energy, crop loss because we have destroyed the land, the water and air, loss because we have changed the weather.
This is the only one I can see clearly in our immediate future.
We all bought into the bullshit that our worlds will end if we don't have oil so in response we are crudely destroying the world to find it's replacement.

Personally I would happily choose to walk, ride a bike, drive an electric car before I would support burning and boiling my FOOD for fuel and allowing people to starve so I can drive to WalMart for the fifth time this week.

why wont the tv work?

2008-04-06T23:52:00.000-07:00

Or oops we blew the grid again.
If we remember we already did this awhile back. I remember some members of the CNN team howling about idiot Canadians forgetting to flip a switch or some such bullshit until it was discovered that it was in fact some idiot bunch of Americans who completely forgot that regular maintenance is really required to make the machines work.
Up until that moment I think they thought the secret electric substation fairies were doing it.
Luckily we were able to fix the mess and get the lights back on in a week or so, or three weeks for some.
So how did you do without electricity?
It kind of sucked right? It got boring and hot. For some it got boring,hot and fatal. The elderly don't cope well with extremes in temperature. Things got a little expensive too. Everybody who had a backup generator jacked the prices of food and drink up..just a little disaster price gouging. Hell, it's practically tradition right?
Let's think a little more deeply about how much we rely on electricity.
It's pretty much everything isn't it?
A short list: heat when it's cold, cold when it's hot, cold for our food and our drink to keep it fresh and safe, it runs the pumps at the gas station.
We do everything with electricity. We produce electricity about six different ways. We use oil, coal, nuclear, water,wind and solar but it all gets to converted to electricity doesn't it?
Let's say nothing has changed with the ingredients, they are all right there. Let's say we no longer have any way to deliver the end product.
How about the same group that were relying on magic to maintain the grid went back to that belief. Right at this very moment we have substations that honestly could use a little spring cleaning. Those substations are conveniently hooked up together in a giant loop. Some safety expert was concerned about power surging between substations so a fail safe got inserted that shuts down a substation that is misbehaving and that power gets diverted to the next substation in line..power sharing in the literal sense.Now lets say that substation isn't in any better shape than the one that failed and it tries to dump off it's load and the load of the first guy. You can see where I am going with this because in essence this is exactly what happened a few years back.
You will be cheered to know that the same system is still in place but it's okay, they had some meetings and everybody wrote some memos and promised to try to do a better job in the future. I am so reassured.
So when the north eastern grids do finally collapse it is going to effect two countries and a bunch of very large cities at first. Everyone will be very reassuring until they realize the only way to fix the mess is to rebuild the grid. Rebuilding the grid could take years with a very optimistic schedule.
In the mean time the south western grids are going to have to to pick up the slack anyway it can.
And you can guess what happens next. Unless you somehow believe half of Canada and the US are just going to sit patiently in the dark until the problem eventually gets fixed..heh..

Hard decisions are going to have to be made. Because politicians are involved nothing will get done it time. People in positions of power will be paralyzed with indecision . By the time they decide to bite the bullet and withdraw power from fifty percent of the Northern Hemisphere and only supply absolute survival necessities the grid will have fried.
It will happen pretty fast. A few weeks at most because we know that no one wants to sit in the cold and wait if they know relief is months or years away. They will pick up and move to where the grid is still running. A hundred million power refugees will hook into a grid that is already overwhelmed.
The remaining will be the poor. Too poor to afford to move. Because you and I know that once again disaster gouging will be rampant. Hotels, motels, studio apartments with power will rent for thousands of dollars.
Remember Katrina? Remember the hotel, water and gas prices? Not exactly charitable.

Those left behind will be on their own for the most part. The surviving grids will try to feed intermittent power when they can...it'll be a little third world. And no NorthAmerican will be prepared for that shit.
We will have the regular looting and shooting for awhile until people get bored and or scared.
There may be pockets of creative thinkers hooking up available generators and then there will be the usual power struggles over who gets the benefits of that small amount of power.

Eventually all the grids will fail and power as we know it will disappear.
This is not to say power is unavailable, remember all the ingredients are all still available.It will just take some ingenuity to figure out a delivery service to those most in need.
If people can recover from the mad looting for big screens they can't plug in it's possible everyone will come together and learn how to set up solar and wind power quickly. Neighborhoods could share their services .
If everyone could stop panicking for a moment they would see there are lots of different ways to get power into their homes.
This is an entirely optimistic view of human nature.
It's probably more likely that technology and components will be hoarded and fought over.
We have rarely gone for co-operation when we can go for a gun.

If you want to survive the loss of a government grid you need a wind mill, some solar panels, some batteries and an inverter. They are sold as a kit for a couple thousand and any idiot can put them together. Failing solar panels build a brick coal/wood burning fireplace. It was the standard for home heat for a hundred years or so. Go back to the standard kitchen oven..the one that is wood/coal burning and heats your water including the hot water in your radiators,your showers and anywhere else you want hot water. It is not necessary to fall down in a heap and announce the end of the world just because the electrical grid failed. We survived for thousands of years without it, we can survive two years until it gets fixed.

But the problem is there will be a section of the world population who love conspiracies . Those 9/11 nuts and their friends who will terrorize everyone. They will snuff out reason and hope at every turn and they will worship at the temple of the irrational and they will have an audience. The disenfranchised, the poor, the insane..the power hungry happy to manipulate a vulnerable group. A large enough group of crazy people can sabotage any project , especially a project being run by compassionate, reasonable people. Some people are incapable of being political incorrect or downright cruel to the disenfranchised during a crisis of survival. They want everyone to survive and that is how we all get killed.
We allow these people to infect the group with wild ideas that distract and confuse. They make people frightened and now they don't want to work with there neighours. They self isolate because they believe they may be at risk. At risk from what these sour, bitter, crazy people never say but the fear is out there now. No communal work gets done. Everyone tries to complete their own project, they want to protect their own survival.
They are fulfilling the prophecy of the saboteurs. They are confirming conspiracy and that begins to breed paranoia and that paranoia breeds violence and still more fear. And this circle will go round and round til no one is left to whisper gossip in another's ear.

It wasn't the loss of electricity that did us in, once again it was our response to the loss that sent us into disaster. I still believe despite the crazy a lot of us can and will survive. There will be pockets of the rational fending off the paranoid rantings of the conspiracy nuts.

So so far we have proven we can survive global pandemic,drought and the failure of the electrical grid with just some very basic tools. We have seen where self isolation can save us and where it can destroy it us. We have seen over and over again that it's not the event that will kill us...always it will be how we react to that event.
If we hold on to rational thought, we hold on to the principles of science and we avoid at all costs the paranoid doomsayers, the political/religious power seekers and the mad and delusional filled with their own purpose we can survive.
It will take some ingenuity, some creative thought and a willingness to work towards the common good but not one of these three on their own can hold us down for long.

recapping

2008-04-04T23:14:00.000-07:00

So we have almost eliminated pandemic as a real risk and we have realized that it's not climate change that's going to kill..it's what climate change is going to change that's going to kill us.
We should all agree that water conservation is needed and needed badly but come on, no one but a few of us are going to bother. The rest of you are going to say you are conserving but it will be bullshit. People willing to buy a McMansion for a family of three aren't the kind of people who think independently and creatively . They will start conserving the exact moment the water gets turned off.
And that is what is going to have to happen. The problem is the effects of climate change have become unstoppable. I don't care how many meetings we have or how many agreements we sign. It's to late to stop this train and we burnt out it's brakes anyway.
Because the climate is going to change we have to accept that there are going to be parts of the world that will become uninhabitable. Any place that hosts a desert right now is lost. Deserts get bigger not smaller as any Northern African resident can tell you. A temp degree warmer, some regular winds and a few centimeters less rainfall and you are fighting a losing battle. It makes more sense not to bother putting up a fight at all. Give the desert back and save the resources where they can really count.
This may reveal a certain lack of hospitality from the neighbours though. When Katrina hit it took the news media seconds to label the survivors refugees. As if Americans stop being Americans the moment they cross the state line. Expect a few million drought or water refugees. Will there be enough FEMA trailers for them?
If people within a country are less than welcome in the next state what of those that need to move from their country to another?
Nothing charitable I can bet.
Water wars may be another conservation method .

The only way to survive drought and the resulting wars over water is mostly pure,blind luck. The luck to be born in a half assed (at least) democracy, the luck to be living in a state/province/country that has at least one great lake in it. The luck to be living in a colder climate than your warmer dryer neighbours so you still get rain and snow.

If you weren't born lucky you better make your own fast. Don't wait to relocate. Move before they move you and put you in a refugee camp.
Move to the cold and the wet. It's much easier to build a warm home than it is to conjure water where there is none.
Mass forced immigration will be the gold standard. Have a look at the survival rate of the refugees of Darfur and Chad...a war over water in action.
Drought and water rationing wont kill us. Once again it will be our reaction to it that will.

I can easily see World War 3 erupting because of the overwhelming numbers of refugees rushing the gates and fences.

We talk about having the ability to solve global problems but who's kidding who here? Racism and Intolerance in all it's vicious, ugly forms are alive and well and only need a match to light it all up.
Half the world would rather to see the other half die of thirst before opening their borders.
An eighth of all Americans want South American illegals arrested or shot at the border for having the audacity to want a job they would never be willing to do. I can bet that percentage is going to shoot up dramatically when something real is at stake, like water.
A quarter of the world would be willing to shoot you for what they perceive as the wrong religion, the wrong politics..the wrong colour of skin right now. They would be willing to do much, much more than shooting if you needed their water.

If we planned for drought, moved those in harms way into better supplied areas and enforced conservation drastically we could survive it. But we are too backward a people to ever be able to work so co-operatively on such a global scale.
We would prefer to kidnap and then ransom the water. Those that couldn't afford the cost would die. And despite that most of us would still survive.
Drought wont kill all of us, just the weakest , the unlucky..the poor.
Nothing new about that.
We can take it off the list.

moving on

2008-04-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

We really have to discount pandemic as a trigger for the end of the world as we know it. It's just too unlikely to be efficient enough to get us all. We aren't all that stupid despite outward appearances.
Drought is our next candidate. Those of you that believe in intelligent design may skip this post. Because we all know God is on your side blah, blah, blah... If you just can't not skip it this may be news to you that we are in the middle of a climate control problem.
We can all debate whether it's all our fault or it's someone or something else's fault but really who cares about blame? If I say it's all your damn fault will the problem go away? Cause if it will I will gladly take out ads everywhere blaming you.
Let's get a little technical here. Because we have a need for water to drink and to farm and water to create electricity we made a few changes to our landscape. We diverted a few rivers here and there,okay more than a few. We diverted pretty much every damn river we could .
Then we added some dams, a few thousand of them.
It wasn't just us. Everybody did it okay?.
Diverting all that water changed the landscape a bit and the weather a bit more.
Then we all got busy making babies.Then we made some more babies.
Human beings have some faults and the need to drink water may be one of them. Our need for flush toilets, daily showers, green lawns, swimming pools, hot tubs and fruit and veg year round may be some other faults. Our love of bread,cake , rice, corn and donuts ain't helping either. Our love of french fries and all things potato may in fact be our true downfall.
The fact that we like constant electricity to run our air conditioners, furnaces, televisions, stoves, fridges and microwaves means we need water and lots of it.

Growing food in the ground requires water. Because we like to grow billions of acres of food at one time we need billions of gallons of water on tap. Because we want to grow that food anywhere we want (including semi arid desert) we need more and more water.
Combine this with our stunning laziness and lack of creativity in how we deliver that water to the fields (essentially we like to use giant sprinklers around the clock) and you can begin to see why drought might start being an issue.

We have never had any education about water as a resource. We see the big lakes and think "wow, that's a lot of water" and never think about it again. Where does that water come from anyway?
Could it really come from melting snow and pouring rain? Really?
So what happens if your climate changes? I think the Southern US can answer this question.
First you begin to notice the shore of the lake at your cottage looks a little different. You have to move the boat dock out every spring. Irritating as hell but it's not really that big a deal..right?
But shallow water warms faster and even those who never got past grade nine science get that it's faster to boil a little amount of water for a cup of instant coffee than a full kettle. We also know when water warms up it begins to evaporate. Ooops.......less water. Pretty soon your lake is smaller and you start seeing that old fridge and four tires your neighbour dumped in a few years back.
Worse, the reservoirs created to supply clean drinking water are beginning to dry up. Without the reservoirs other sources of water need to be tapped into. We have to recycle the water used for toilets and showers. Grey water and sewage. It needs to be treated and filtered and a percentage of that water gets lost in the process. We keep losing water.
Just a little bit here and there. Hardly noticeable really and of course we don't see it. We haven't stopped making those babies though and they need water too.
Soon our population begins to overcome available water.
We have to tell people to stop watering their lawns. They for the most part ignore the order until it becomes a law. It's mandatory now and the police may notice. Probably not though . There is always one or two assholes who would rather pay a fine than curb their god given right to a green lawn in the desert and the police are busy trying to get the drunks off the road.(Drunk drivers are the same people who water their lawns all day in ninety degree weather during a water advisory)
Then the boil water notices start coming. The grey sewage water isn't as clean as hoped for. It's just a nuisance , not something to be worried about. It'll get better, we will just divert some water from someone else. They wont miss it......
Soon everyone is playing the credit card game. We all know this one..it's where you pay the minimum balance on one card with another card and then use another to pay the minimum on that other one......
It's called water rationing.
Then all those underground springs start to dry up. Everyone loves their bottled spring water don't they? Billions of bottles sold every day..it can't last forever at this rate of consumption. Now all those people who used to only drink Perrier have to drink tap water. More stress on a resource already in trouble.
So what do we do? Maybe it's time to drain off some more of that lake water a little faster and divert it to a drought stricken south...the place we are growing our strawberries and potatoes . Don't ask me why we chose California to grow our favorite food, it's irrelevant . We need the water and the year round strawberries,blueberries and raspberries.
The lakes are getting lower and lower.
Problem is those big dams(Niagara Falls) need more of that water to move those turbines so we can heat the water in our swimming pools. Choices, choices.
Here is an important point, climate change doesn't always mean global warming. Some places already prone to being very warm (California,Arizona the South) will get a little warmer and this temp or two higher is going to cause some changes in weather. It may be a little windy to say the least. Wind is no friend to farmers. That rich, nutrient filled topsoil will begin to drift away. The lack of rain to fix the soil in place can't be replaced by a sprinkler. It's getting harder to grow food. It may cause the seasons to stretch a little bit, what's wrong with three extra weeks of winter, or summer? Maybe just a huge surge in the need for electricity is all.

Now we move into catastrophic crop failure, a topic for another day.

Drought doesn't have to be a sudden dramatic event. It can be a slow process, so gradual it can seem like nothing at all. It may start with a little trouble finding your supply of spring water but it will end with water hoarding and wars between states,provinces,countries over who owns the lakes and the ocean.
I guess whoever has the most advanced desalinization technology in place ( Saudi,UAE) wins.

What happens to a planet made of water if everyone drinks half of it and uses the other half as a toilet? Will the weather improve?

See why I don't really care about oil?
The loss of water resources isn't just inconvenient it's actually life threatening.
Climate change is just a buzzword to get peoples attention diverted. In and of itself climate change is meaningless. It is what will happen to our resources as a result of these changes we should be paying attention to.

Stop watering your lawn. If you don't have enough rain to keep it green then you shouldn't have a lawn. Plant appropriately for your climate. Get a big cactus.
Lay off the concrete paving. It absorbs heat and makes it hotter. Any idiot knows it's hotter in a city then it is in the country. It's all that damn concrete. Plant as many trees as your plot will allow. Trees should be the only thing you ever plant...okay you can have some flowers but they better be nectar flowers so the bees and butterflies can get a meal off of you.
Try skipping the twenty minute shower and do you really need three bathrooms? Be honest here. Wouldn't one full bath and a downstairs toilet do the job? Our ancestors had an outhouse with no running water and a built a bloody country. I think you'll survive without two extra bathrooms. Wash your clothes when they are dirty not because you wore them for four hours.
Do you need to flush your toilet every time you pee? Is your pee so foul and terrifying it must be removed instantly? Is your pee afraid of someone else's pee?
You should only flush your toilet when it is too awful not to .

Save as much water as you can. Harass everyone you know to save. There is nothing much we can do about drought unless you know someone adept at a rain dance and they wont mind dancing for a year or two. It's up to us to convince the rest of us that it's a bad idea to grow strawberries in a place that wants to be a desert...stop buying strawberries in January. It's UNNATURAL and weird.
You buy your food when it's in season. If you stop the demand then there is no need to grow.
Water is saved.
Consider how many potatoes and loafs of bread you eat. All that wheat sucking up all that water.
Do we really need fourteen brands of bread? Must there be fresh bread delivered every day?

All that water........drip,drip,drip.

pandemic solutions

2008-04-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

So let's leave the questions about blame aside because who cares anyway. It's not like we are going to get a chance to hold an inquest right?
For the first 10% of unlucky bastards there is no solution. You were our canaries in the coal mine. Too bad about your shitty luck but thanks for the warning.
To avoid being in that unlucky 10% you only have a few defenses. First make a habit out of staying out of the mall and crowded supermarkets. Buy your food from a local farmers market and don't for the love of God shake everybody's hand who sells you an apple. In fact stop shaking peoples hands and stop kissing and hugging people hello while you're at it. We don't like it anyway so no one is going to be all that offended. Become adept at lying to everybody that you have OCD and a germ phobia to avoid the aggressive physical greeters and we all know who you are and we want you to cut it out already ok?.
Better mental illness than a fatal virus right?
Unless you are Micheal Jackson or someone with cancer you really can't get away with wearing a mask every where you go but you could try telling people you have environmental allergies. You will look like a paranoid nut and let's face it..the risk of a fatal pandemic is so low is it worth it?
Now you are one of the lucky ones. You have avoided needlessly touching or being touched. Your next back up is to wash your god damned hands. This is going to be a tough one, We can't get people to wash their hands after they pee on them right now. Personally I think if you can't be bothered to wash your hands Darwin's Law is in effect. It's never wrong to thin the herd of stupid people.
By the way, it is not necessary to bath yourself in antibacterial cleansers, just try some soap and hot water and scrub for more than the 3.5 seconds I see you do in public bathrooms. I know you are so busy your life is a blur but I think you can spare two minutes to wash the piss and shit off your hands. Unless of course you are a member of that group that believes toilet paper has special germ killing abilities even when it's filthy...you may promptly die.

The next strategy depends on your choice of education and employment. Your risks will decrease exponentially the farther away from any area of health care . I am not advocating giving up fifteen years of medical training but I do suggest changing your specialty to radiology and practicing from home. Or basing your practice in a small northern community with less than five hundred residents. Best to keep away from being a plumber too.
If you are currently a nurse or health care aide working in a big city hospital you may want to think about how flexible your ethics are.

After the pandemic burns itself out because we all obeyed the laws of quarantine and self isolated...ha ha hahahahahahahahaha...please.
Let's be honest. You and I both know half the city will be rioting on the street stealing televisions and trying to rob banks right?
So let's just stick with our little group of sane people here. Resist joining the mob to steal a flat screen and new lap top. The mob will be infected and they will also have guns,knives, baseball bats and anything else pointy they can get their hands on to better their chances of stealing four cans of baked beans and case of Pepsi.
Stay home. I don't care if you start feeling actual hunger pain. The only reason and I mean ONLY reason to leave your home is to get water. And really if you didn't have enough sense to run your four bathtubs and five sinks and fill up every container you had with water when the shit hit the fan maybe you are another Darwin candidate.
In the brave new world we are going to need smart people and someone who didn't think they may need a water supply can't qualify.

So, you stayed home until all the fools got sick or got shot from stealing shit that would have been free for the taking in a week and you are alive and feeling pretty damn pleased with yourself.
Now this is where we lose another 10%. The DIY electricians/plumbers who electrocute themselves and burn down their neighbourhoods because they forgot that despite 911 still working there aren't any firemen or paramedics to answer the phone. Regular old household accidents will take it's share as it always does. Once again this really isn't much of a loss.

The biggest danger we all will face in the coming weeks is religious nuts and politicians/fascists who have guns and want to be king.

Power will be up for grabs and because we all will be feeling a little shocked and raw we wont be paying attention to who has all those guns we have so thoughtfully left laying around.
It will become a military/paramilitary world if we are lucky. If we aren't it will religious fanatics running the show.

Bad for all of us.

Here is where you need to make your move and I mean literally. You need weapons, lot's of them and the bigger the better. And you need to move away from any populated areas.

Time to build your fortified compound people and you will only have a very short period of time to do it before you get rounded up to build someone else's.

Stephen King had one thing right. The person that controls the technology, the lights and the heat will be King. The chances that this person will form a benevolent democratic group full of love and peace? Slim to none.
Get going already. Grab as many of your technologically savvy friends as you can but leave the guys that can run the grids. Yes, some bad guy may get them but it's not your fault they thought engineering was a great major. There has to be sacrifices and avoiding going up in a mushroom cloud is one of them. Let that be a lesson to anyone considering a career in nuclear energy right now. Some despot may make you their very favorite lap dog. It wont be Guantanamo so stop whining. If we can maintain the safety of our power sources we may yet avoid getting radiated after luckily avoiding the pandemic and no one likes irony anyway.

So in the highly unlikely event of a global pandemic your best bet is to practice good hygiene and avoid crowds. To avoid the secondary effects of chaos get some water together and stay in your home. Avoid being a greedy prick picking at the carcass of your own city. Press gang the engineers into doing their jobs and get the hell out of town.
Doesn't seem that hard does it?
Now tell me if you can resist creeping out of your house in the dead of night to rob the local bank? Hell, you're willing to rob BestBuy for an Ipod aren't you?

a night terror

2008-04-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

I have this story for want of a better word in my head. I have this problem that needs dissecting, investigating..solving.
The problem is I prefer to survive. I prefer that my child and my family survives. So how do I create a plan that dodges every catastrophe a world in chaos can throw?
I guess I should begin at the beginning . I believe we as a society, a civilization, a species are coming to an ignoble end.
The trick is to be one of the few survivors.
The biggest problem will be what disaster starts the ball rolling.
Here's a list of the probables :
1) global pandemic (be it flu or something closer to Ebola)
2)drought
3) collapse of the electrical grid
4) catastrophic crop failure

I have never bought into the threat of an oil shortage leading to mayhem. Oil is a luxury product. It isn't necessary for global survival at all. If the worst thing that happens to you is your car wont start it's hardly a threat to your life is it? Half the global population doesn't have cars and they seem to be holding on. I think we can all recycle our plastic bags for a few more years don't you?
Oil is easy and cheap even at it's current prices and we are a lazy group so we all pretend it will be the end of world if oil disappears. Get over it.

So I guess I have to start with pandemic. Pandemic is something to be a little freaked out about though it's really a stretch as a trigger for a global meltdown. Almost all viral/bacterial breakouts burn themselves out naturally with some damn simple precautions. Like wear a mask and wash your hands, isolation and quarantine.
A virus that could wipe us out would have to be respiratory, grotesquely contagious and almost always fatal.
I mean transfer from person to person would have to occur by coughing or sneezing on your neighbour only once or twice. The symptoms would have to be generic enough to mimic a very simple flu that requires no medical intervention for at least three weeks. The virus would have to be able to withstand high heat and cold . The virus would have to take it's sweet time overcoming your defenses because if it acts too quickly it will alert the medical community (SARS) and quarantine will burn it out. It needs time to infect without being hampered .
Then the virus needs to make you so ill you require emergent medical intervention to have any chance to survive.
This is where the terror begins.
The biggest big city Academic hospital has on the whole about fifty true intensive care beds. If you are lucky you may have twenty hospitals in your area that can care for the very sick. So...1000 beds for cities that have on average over a million people. How do we staff those beds? It's not like nurses, doctors and lab techs have secret,special immunity from pandemic.
And here's another issue. If you are a nurse with a family and you knew you would have to go into a room with a guy carrying a usually fatal, wildly contagious virus would you do it?
Would you risk your life and your families?
So let's guess that about 40% percent of the medical hospital staff of 2500 is virus free and willing to go to work. I am ever an optimist.
Let's say that out of the million people in the city 10% are sick in the third week. So 1000 nurses and doctors treating 100,000 people. But we only have the resources to care for 1000 people in the ICU.
The rest will be treated on the wards, the ER, the hallways...the floor. One nurse,one doctor for every 100 patients. No way to isolate or quarantine anymore. Remember the other "normal" sick people still need a bed too!
Who gets the ventilator? Who chooses? And if 100,000 people are sick who is delivering the medical supplies to the hospital? Would a truck driver want to risk their life to go anywhere near the place?
That is just the first wave...the end of the first three weeks. Remember the virus works in waves. Every week now a new wave of a 100,000 will need a hospital. So within three weeks all medical resources will be exhausted.
Now people will be on their own. Quarantine will be the only route to survival. martial law enforced. The military everywhere. Everyone with a gun shooting anyone who comes too close.
How do you get food?
More importantly who is running the machines that provide electricity?
So, you now have no electric which means no running water. The stores have all been looted.
The last stand alone generators are long gone.
You are sitting in the dark. The only food and water you have is what is in the house because to go outside puts you at risk for the virus and getting shot .
No one is in control of the nuclear power stations. There is no electricity to keep the spent fuel rods cold. Only a few of the bravest will attempt to keep the diesel generators running to avoid a catastrophic release of radioactivity.
Tanks filled with deadly chemicals dependent on generators to keep them in their liquid forms begin to fail and clouds of poison gas begin to escape.
So not only do you have to worry about any contact with your fellow man you have to worry that no one is doing their jobs anymore. Those jobs that keep very bad things from escaping their cages.
We all die in our homes.

So, was it the virus that killed us or was it our complacent assumptions about the capacity of our health care system to absorb any crisis? Was it the virus or our pathetic failure to plan for it?
Was it the virus or was it our arrogance in storing deadly poisons irresponsibly, our uncaring assumption that "someone" would look after it all for us?

how will you survive?

something to think about

2008-03-21T23:29:00.000-07:00

When is the last time you thought about where the sugar in your coffee comes from? Did you think to yourself that having slaves make your sugar was a great idea? Probably not right? But just because you didn't think it doesn't mean the US government didn't. Because they did.
Slaves cut sugar cane. In the case of the US slaves from Haiti are imported to the Dominican Republic to cut cane for Americans.
They are stripped of all identifying documents when they reach the border and from then on they are under 24 hour guard. Because they have no proof of citizenship they cannot leave the plantations or they will be arrested and deported back to the border with nothing. But that is moot because the guards don't let them leave.
Because they are desperate for any employment they believe the lies told to them about good jobs and good pay. It helps that no one ever returns to Haiti to tell the truth.
In theory the slaves are paid. They are paid 90 cents a day in vouchers. Vouchers that can only be used at the company store. Of course anything sold at this special store is marked up 100%. So inevitably they end up owing the store their wages and more. Now they can't buy anything else and they begin to watch their children starve to death.
This is an interesting strategy by the sugar plantation owners. They encourage workers to bring their wives and children with them. How can you leave a place when your wife and children are starving and none of your children have any documents? You know your children will die if they are forced to walk to the border and because the company wont give you any real money and the store has your vouchers you can't exactly hire a cab can you?
So every day of cutting season these slaves go into the fields and cut the cane. There is no doctor if you cut yourself. It appears that toothpaste is the popular choice for wound treatment. You work in the fields from the moment the sun comes up until the sun goes down. You have no indoor plumbing, your home is four pieces of rust covered corrugated aluminum that leaks every time it rains. Your bed is a piece of uncovered foam.
Cholera is a constant risk because there is no sanitation.

The sugar cane is taken away to be refined. Then you dip your spoon into the bowl and add sugar to your coffee never thinking about how it got there and who had to die for it.

Meanwhile the cutting season has ended. The slaves can't leave but there is no work. No 90 cent a day vouchers anymore. Everyone slowly begins the almost boring process of starvation once again. The sick are left to die. The plantation doesn't care..there is an old, untended, unmarked cemetery ready to accept any comers. It doesn't really matter. The desperate poor, still filled with hope are waiting, ready to become unwitting slaves to the spoon of sugar in your coffee.

It's quite elegant isn't it? You drink the coffee that the slaves of Africa and Colombia have picked for you and you add the sugar the slaves of Haiti have cut for you.

There is no slavery in America you say...we exported it to the rest of the world so we could have a five dollar coffee at Starbucks.. Reconcile that in your head.....you pay five dollars for a coffee and the person that picked those beans and cut that cane wont make five dollars in a week, hell they never make a dime. They get a voucher for some year old rice that was DONATED by the world food program . So why does your coffee cost so much? It couldn't be corporate greed could it?
Why are you still supporting Starbucks and Tim Hortons and the rest of them? It couldn't be because you are thinking having slaves make my coffee is a great idea? Could it?

check out the Price of Sugar.com

Do yourself a favour and spend an extra two minutes buying your sugar and coffee..look for the Fair Trade label. Understand that for Americans you may have to work a little harder finding non slave sugar. Your government has an agreement with the DR that means you pay twice as much for sugar as anyone else in the world and because sugar is owned by only three companies it is a complete monopoly that endorses and supports slavery. Your tax dollars at work.
Did anyone ever wonder where all those "true" internet stories came from about artificial sweeteners? Why it couldn't have come from the sugar monopoly could it? Why ever would a monopoly worth trillions of dollars start a rumour that some artificial sugar replacements cause cancer? I mean it does right? If you feed a rat a billion spoonfuls twenty four hours a day for a year the rat sometimes gets sick and we all know that all humans if given a chance will eat artificial sweeteners by the pound twenty four hours a day..............it's because we are almost cousins to rats and we are bound to share the exact same complications right?
Isn't it fun when giant corporations are free to manipulate the media?
Can one of you ask Mr Obama or Mrs Clinton if they will continue to honour the DR agreement...ask them how much longer are they willing to be proud supporters of slavery.

heading for a ditch

2008-03-14T23:40:00.000-07:00

Do you have any obligation to tell someone when their behaviour has crossed a line? I mean anyone... family,friend or complete stranger. I guess it really doesn't matter who it is when you have already decided where the line is and who crossed it does it?
I guess what I wonder is when did we all begin to think so individually and when did we all collectively decide it is was perfectly okay for us to start imposing that on other people?
It used to be the church/government of your choice made the rules and you followed them and made a point to make your kids follow them too without really feeling the need to demand that everybody else in the Walmart had to too.
When did this change?
I guess the internet has changed too. Used to be a pretty basic set of rules to follow but now it seems those rules just didn't have the necessary scope and depth to make everyone happy.
And when did individual happiness become so mandatory it became the responsibility of random strangers?

This is what I read all the time; some modestly literate "humour" essayist writes something that some people react to with an almost visceral horror and promptly three other groups emerge to demand that everyone play by MY rules damn it.
First we have the visceral horror people gasping and choking, then the opposite side shows up, contemptuous and condescending , then the let's all just get along crew steps in quickly followed by some preteen dork group making fun of everyone and embarrassing himself with the significant lack of quality in his dick jokes. Okay, so the last group isn't a group really.
But what's more important or interesting is when did we all lose our social inhibitions?
It's no longer the province of the web to confront and condescend. It is everywhere now and what I want to know is when did it happen and have we reached a critical mass yet and will we soon see real live people beating the crap out of each other over the relevance of mommy bloggers?
Yes, I thought Violent Acres went a little far and may have had a small sip of the kool aid but am I ready to challenge her to a duel? If I saw her on the street would I stop the car to argue her point? No.
I am trying to find my way back to the simple rules. Don't spam anybody and if you don't like something move the fuck on and stop being a pussy .
I find it's best to keep it simple as I get older.

raining

2008-03-04T22:30:00.000-08:00

I usually like the sound of rain but tonight it just makes me feel sad. As if this winter is never going to end and the sun will never reappear. I think I need to stop watching movies about the war. In Canada we have no tradition for making movies about the wars we have fought. I rely on American movies and I guess it just doesn't cut it for me.
I am a supporter of the war in Afghanistan. I support the work we are doing. I understand that it is sometimes brutal, fatal work but in my heart I believe the Afghani people are worth it. And that is who we are fighting for. Not some bullshit war on terrorism, not spreading democracy ..just a war to stop a group of people intent on enslaving the minds and bodies of their parents, their friends, their lovers. I think we are there to allow regular people to finally take a deep breath and find their bearings once again. To return to being people.
I don't believe we can fix Afghanistan or make it perfect and safe. That is what the Afghanis themselves have to choose. I guess we are there so they can make that choice.
They can see the new roads, the clinics, the schools. They can see new industry and the potential for jobs. All we can do is build the potential and hold our breath and hope they choose it.
This takes time. It's hard to stop fighting when fighting is all you have ever known. Fighting gives you power and power is a hard thing to give away.
I don't want any more Canadians to die or be hurt. I want the Afghani people to protect them. To embrace them and keep them safe. We have given them to you as a gift. Why can't you love them like we do?

Be safe.

oh blogger

2008-02-27T00:39:00.000-08:00

What the hell is wrong with you? Why wont you let me sign in? Why do I have to keep trying over and over and over until I want to have you beaten?

So I wandered over to boobsinjuriesanddrpepper .
I discovered that blogger has captured another victim. I have great sympathy for funny people. Most of that humour comes from awful pain and if you know only a little of Crystals history you would understand immediately why she needs an occasional mental health break. A pity her bastard of an ex husband couldn't suffer for her cause that dude needs to suffer for what he did to her and his own son.
I hope she feels a little stronger soon.
I don't agree with her only letting bits and pieces of those skeletons out, of course she doesn't need to write about them on the internet but she does need to throw them right out there all the way. There is no purpose in holding the bad shit in like a secret. Secrets are what makes us crazy in the first place.

I watched the movie The Kingdom and felt such a wave of sadness. This is the home of hate and instead of slapping that face for what it has done the world pretended Iraq and Afghanistan were the culprits. Too afraid to piss off the great gods of oil but not too afraid to murder a few thousand Iraqis out of impotent frustration.
I believe that is what the Iraq war is all about. George Bush's impotence. He knew he couldn't launch all out war against his friends the Saudis. They knew it too. So he blew the shit out of Baghdad because he is a spoiled rotten little brat that when crossed resorts immediately to violence . I guess it was just a little something Barbara taught him. I mean she is not one to avoid a tantrum either is she?

The world is standing at the precipice, will Obama really be the guy to pull us off the edge? Or will he be the guy that gives us the shove all the way over into the quagmire?
I do not trust this guy at all. He seems like the cat that ate the canary and I want to know why. But he is still better than the ancient war loving John McCain. The man that wants to fight Vietnam over and over and over again. He is the true definition of insanity..doing the same damn thing expecting a different result again and again.

child abuse

2008-02-08T22:18:00.000-08:00

I read Violent Acres and I like her. I don't find her crass or brash at all so maybe that tells you a little about me. She writes occasionally about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother and for me that strikes a chord. I will do what V has asked and talk a little about the abuse I survived.
My mother never raised a hand against me, nor my father. My mother did allow very bad things to happen at the hands of other people. My mother was/is mentally ill. Well, that was the story we all told each other anyway. When I look back I now know her depression was really a prolonged temper tantrum because she was forced to be responsible for her children. Every time the latest boyfriend quit she would declare she was depressed and get herself admitted to hospital for a rest. Some of her other "rests" lasted over three months and on more than one occasion a trip to Montreal, Mexico, Florida and BC. . As her children we got dumped on whomever was available and willing. Sometimes my father, usually my grandparents.
My grandfather was a violent alcoholic who made a child's life terrifying. My father was emotionally absent and sometimes physically absent..the kind of guy to leave a bag of donuts and the tv on for a couple of five year olds while he went out with his twenty year old girlfriend.
Sometimes we got left with a child molester or as my mother described him our uncle.
Because my parents were completely self absorbed and deep into the sixties free love find yourself mentality they had no real interest in raising children. They actually believed that a group of strangers as daycare was a good idea.
I happily can say my father grew up , took control and repaired a lot of the damage that was done to us. He has always been genuinely sorry about his behaviour back then and he has worked hard to make amends.
My mother has never bothered. She clings to her mentally ill excuse to escape any responsibility. In fact she believes we as children caused her problems and she has said more than once that she should have aborted us. I dropped my mother from my life many, many years ago. She will still try to guilt trip via long distance...she worries that she wont have enough money to support herself comfortably. She thinks her children should send her money and she isn't shy about asking.
The last time she tried this I sent her itemized bill for the trauma I suffered as a child. I asked for a hundred thousand dollars a year for ten years. I haven't heard anything back yet.

So that's my part in shining a light on abuse. Abuse doesn't always mean getting hit, negligence is also abuse.Though our molester is responsible for the acts he perpetrated my mother is equally responsible because she created the opportunity he needed.
No one should be ashamed because they were a victim. Abusers need to feel that shame not us. We also need to pull our heads from your asses every once in awhile and check out the kids around us. Are they doing okay or do they look like they are getting their asses kicked? Maybe we need to step in and help that kid anyway we can.

I read about the tornadoes and wow, anybody still believe that climate change thing is bs? I mean other than the mouth breathers that think the earth is flat and evolution is just impossible.
I have never had the experience myself but we have had a few run through close by. Just the warnings scare the crap out of me. So I honestly hope those that are grieving have something miraculous and wonderful happen for them in the future. They deserve it. There has to be some kind of karmic debt that must be repaid to these people for their suffering and loss. The question why must reverberate in their minds day and night.

On to that crazy woman on The View, no not the one who said the earth was flat, the "Republican" now supporting McCain. She went on and on and on about this stimulus package and about how the US just really couldn't afford to include veterans...ha,ha, ha, ha..holy crap. These people are amazing. Talking about this terrible deficit as if it just suddenly showed up without reason or introduction. Then explaining how only a Republican can solve this pesky problem. This is the same fool that has canonized Bush, a man that can do no wrong. She honestly believes it was those Democrat spending fools that created the deficit, the cost of the war had nothing to do with it. Why is she allowed to speak? Isn't there some law that prevents the uninformed from spreading lies? Right, of course not. If there was Bush would have been dragged off in hand cuffs in the first ten minutes of his presidency.

I still don't like Obama. This guy is hiding something. It ain't about women, drugs or corruption either. He's hiding who he is and I don't like it. Those eyes aren't agreeing with the words at all. Why can't anyone else see this? It's starting to make me irritated. Dude, look in a mirror okay? Watch what your eyes express when you are smiling or when you aren't. Shake off that slightly condescending gaze, middle income adult women don't like it. How about you look at all of us the same way you look at Oprah? Just try it okay? Then maybe we can be friends.

Canada is having an issue with NATO right now. For those of you that don't know we are responsible for most of the fighting and all of the leading in the war in Afghanistan. You Americans remember that one right? You know, the guys responsible for 9/11. Or as the Canadian and American soldiers call it "the forgotten front on terror".
We gave NATO an ultimatum . Canadians have had enough of our young ones dying there and we think it's time you share the load. So far only the French have offered to start doing their part.
I think that if the rest of you lazy bastards don't step up we should just boot your sorry ass right out of NATO. The deal was we were supposed to support each other against any global threats. Trust that Europe will just stand back and let someone else die on their behalf. It's always been that way right? Well, we are having a vote next week. We may decide to say " hey Europe, welcome to the Taliban, they are your problem" and we will pick up our shit and go home.

If all of Europe doesn't step up in the next week I think it's time we walk away. Our soldiers are too damn valuable to allow them to continue to be abused by Europe's cowardice and laziness.
We have no obligations to those who refuse to support us. The Afghani army is more support than NATO for goodness sake.

Is any country going to step in and help Kenya? How about Chad? More deafening silence from the International community..how very shocking.
Man, that China is really doing their part to stop genocide in Africa eh? Oh, right..China spends billions encouraging genocide so they can then violate the environment and poison the people while stealing their natural resources.
Can't wait for the day they become the biggest economic super power in the world. I mean what's the worst that could happen? Lead in your toys, poison pet food.........

what I miss

2008-02-04T20:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think about what I miss about nursing. Not for very long ofcourse and is ofcourse one word or two? Google says it's two but I have always made it one...
Anyway.
I miss hanging out with my friends, not really. Nursing is filled with dysfunctional, anal retentive, low self esteem, general psychos that are occasionally fun to watch but over long periods of time their disorders can become infectious leading to what we euphemistically call bad morale .

I happened to watch TLC's Kate and something or other plus eight. I knew that woman was once a nurse. She's judgmental, terrifyingly anal and yet strangely entertaining.

I do miss the moment when you realize you are right on your game putting out fires all over the place and having your surgeon and staff say how glad they were that the experienced nurses were working tonight. That is when it's fun to be a nurse in the ICU.
I miss when the new med students come in. I love having a med student. I know the residents and fellows hate it. The don't like the responsibility and the time involved in teaching. They like it when one or two RN's do the orientation and help them learn how to present efficiently. I love the teaching involved with new nurses and docs.
I don't miss when the new fellows come in. They always have too much ego. They believe they have nothing new to learn and they are always a disaster for the first month. They need brutal retraining and I resent having to be the one to shove them off their high horse. Shouldn't that be the staff docs job?
I am of the opinion med students should be protected from the fellows and staff for at least the first three days. It's not fair to pick on someone when they haven't even found the bathroom yet.

I miss saving someones life. That cool team attack that grabs the patient and heaves them safely over the wall.

I don't think patients even know how close they have come to death and I bet if you told them they would be shocked and disbelieving.

What I really don't miss? Patients families. Lord I have always hated dealing with the patients families. I get that they are stressed and afraid but damn that still doesn't justify the bitch psycho behaviour they exhibit.
I read stories on the internet of families complaining about ridiculous things. The quality of the television, the food, people not "being nice" to them.Where does it say we have to be nice all the time? No, really? Why can't we just be professional, efficient and responsible?
That's just not enough for the masses though. They want all of that and a cuddle too. It's bizarre. I have witnessed absolute crap nursing and brilliant nursing as a charge nurse. The complaints always come from the brilliant nurses patient and their family. They don't feel listened too they say but that is bullshit, what they don't feel is what they always demand..absolute subservient fawning . They demand to have their suffering recognized as if it was the affliction in and of itself.
They disregard all the important care they receive. It's not enough.
It's why we now have all these ridiculous check lists asking us if we have met all the patients cultural and spiritual needs to their satisfaction. Can you imagine?
It's not enough that the nurse has fed you, bathed you, gave all your medications accurately and promptly, changed dressings, checked vitals, called the doc when necessary, got you up, put you down, got you to the bathroom, got you back to bed, made the bed, did all the teaching related to your admission, arranged all your tests, called the physiotherapist, the respiratory therapist, the occupational therapist, helped all the therapists do their job, called psych when you are depressed NOW it's my job to find out if you believe in God and what version of God you believe in. Then I have to find the representative of your God who is willing to visit a hospital. Then I have to arrange your bed placement to conform to your religion. I have to cater to your families inability to use an automatic door or a phone on a certain day of the week. I have to make sure your family gets food on that day too because it wouldn't be spiritually sensitive to make them do it themselves.
Then come the cultural issues. Some men of a certain ethnic persuasion believe women are servants and should and can be smacked around. Though I still maintain some rights at present I do wonder how much longer it will be before we are asked to take a beating in the name of patient and family focused care.
The food is our biggest cultural issue and God forbid you suggest that the family make their own food and bring it in. The shock of having to actually provide some form of caring infuriates them.
The second biggest issue is death and dying. The hidden psycho family members break out of their confinement to throw a wrench into the mix.
And ofcourse it's the nurses job to some how get these people under some control.
This is fraught with disaster for the nurse and will always result in some form of complaint from someone.

I think what I don't miss outweighs everything I do. It's really no wonder nurses are abandoning the job in droves.
No one really cares though. You could hire high school dropouts with a one week class and as long as they were subservient and fawning families would happily ignore the fact the patient is getting sicker and sicker. I means who really cares if the patient is getting timely care? Isn't it really more important the families feel that every one loves them?

thinking about stuff

2008-02-01T23:02:00.000-08:00

I have an unusually compassionate little cat. She is spending a lot of her time lately cuddling our old dog. She seems to understand that he needs some company and offers it up. It's just a little weird to see. He is a really big old hound and she is a very, very small cat.

I watched the debate last night. I like Hilary. For a long time I didn't. If you asked me why I probably wouldn't have been able to tell you. I do think a small part of my dislike back then was because she wouldn't admit that her husband was a bastard out loud. I think if Hilary could have just said it we all could have shed that weird uncomfortable, elephant in the room feeling.
I guess I felt angry on her behalf and then felt stupid for it because she didn't seem to be all that bothered. It's really unsettling to throw your foot over your high-horse only to find out your damsel in distress couldn't give a shit either way. I mean was it patronizing to feel sympathy and anger? She is after all a modern woman able to stand and fight her own battles.
I guess that's why she picked up that "cold" adjective. I think we wanted her to throw herself into our laps sobbing so we could pat her gently on the head and rub her back and tell her to divorce the bastard. She refused and we felt slighted in some weird way.
It's sexist and conformist and all the other ists after that but it's the truth.
That was a small piece of it and the rest? I can't quite figure it out in my own head.
Now? I like her. I like her laugh. Her face does this thing right before she laughs and then she lets go and it makes me laugh. Somehow she seems to be getting lighter, freer as this contest continues. I feel like she finally knows herself and in figuring that out she has stopped worrying about the nitpickers, backbiters and bitches.
I don't have a clue if she would be the best President, I am Canadian but I do think she would be a good friend. And maybe in knowing that she can be considered trustworthy enough to look out for people who don't have one.
Obama, on the other hand has struck me just very recently as too stagey. In the beginning he had such a true voice. His voice reflected his interest, his passion but now he sounds like an amateur actor reading the teleprompter, not entirely convinced with the plot. I think it's all got away from him somehow. This thing has become too large, too far from his control and he has lost his conviction in the story being told. I watch his eyes when he speaks and they have gone blank. This is a speech he has memorized so well his brain has checked out.
I think he would have been so much better off without the Kennedy endorsements. That is one crown that does weigh too heavily on anyones head and he is too new to this game to be shouldered with carrying that boulder. Being anointed by the Kennedy's is not going to be helpful against McCain or any Republican.
I wish they has stayed home and left the candidates alone.
Obama may certainly be Presidential but there is something missing suddenly.........does he really have the stuff for the fight ahead? Hilary has tested him. Bill has tested him and he didn't fare that well.He got a little whiny, a little petulant or as one of the pundits said a little too little lord fauntelroy. If he cannot recover quickly from jabs from allies how can he battle a Republican who will literally stop at nothing to slander and defame?
I worry he doesn't have the stomach for a real fight.
Hilary on the other hand? That one cannot wait for the first round.

shit

2008-01-24T23:06:00.000-08:00

So I heard some media analyst state that he knew Heath Ledger was depressed and probably suicidal because he appeared unkempt and edgy during an interview six weeks ago.
Wow, he really predicted the future didn't he? A good thing he really went out of his way to make sure his buddy Heath got into a great health care facility...ooooh right..he was a reporter who didn't give a shit and is making up bullshit so he can look really important on the television.

Congratulations CNN
day 1 Heath Ledger found naked and unresponsive on the floor, covered in pills , prescription and over the counter in Mary Kate Olsen's apartment. Housekeeper called 911.
day 2 found sort of maybe naked in his own bed in his own apartment, prescription pills were actually in the bathroom with none missing. Housekeeper called 911. A rolled up dollar bill was found in the room.
day 3 still dead, no drugs found on bill, prescriptions all legal. Was actually declared in his bed....not "unresponsive". Masseuse found body and called one of the Olsen twins for instructions????????????????????? for what? hiding the body? wtf?
Olsen twin says "call 911 asshat".
Tomorrow we will find out there was no housekeeper, it was the wrong Olsen twin and he was killed by the mafia.

And half of middle America believes everything the media tells them.

The death of Heath Ledger tragedy though it is for his family and friends is also something else. It is a wake up call to the gullible mouth breathers we call voters. It has demonstrated how the press works. The media picks the story it wants to tell and it never allows facts to get in it's way. It shivers and squats at the sound of " this is just wild speculation but.."

This is how the US ended up in Iraq, this is why the US is throwing itself face first into a recession.
The media gave you your dreams, that big house, the two new cars. The media didn't care how you paid for them except it yearned to hear that you robbed a bank or you were thrown onto the street homeless with 2.5 children and a big black lab. Both would make lovely one minute filler strips to the news.

I can hear the whispering, the grumbling..the media can't do all that, where is the personal responsibility....
Yes, where is the responsibility?

Who is responsible for the definitions in our small corner of the world? Who tells us we are successful?Pretty? Smart?
Do we get to write those down for ourselves or are they already listed? Sexiest Man Alive, Forbes Top 100....
Do you see yourself in the pictures?
Not yet right?
Just as soon as you make a little more money, get that better job, get on that diet, lose those 20lbs, buy that car, build that home....
just as soon as you do what the media tells you to do right?
Only then.....
I have a head ache.

Is it just me or does Obama have dead, shark eyes?
Look closely, his face makes all the right moves but that smile never reaches his eyes. He seems just a trifle pissed off, like a kid with high expectations that just got a slap of reality and really, really didn't like it. Crossing Obama may be a little more dangerous than previously thought.
I do not like those eyes though. This guy is much too young to have that look.

my love goes on and on

2008-01-19T21:04:00.000-08:00

For Russell Crowe. Oh, shut it, I can hear the groaning. Just had a chance to see 3:10 to Yuma and it wasn't just great it was a fine movie. Westerns are hard to make well and usually I only trust Clint Eastwood to do them but I should never have doubted Russell. Yes, I know he threw a phone at a guy but you know what? some people need a phone to the forehead sometimes.
Crowe is a nice family man. His parents and his siblings all live with him. He just doesn't take any shit from anyone and that includes asshole hotel clerks.
We should have saluted the throwing of the phone, hell, he did what all of us have wanted to do at least once to some officious little asshole intent on making our lives difficult and ugly for no other reason but to make themselves feel important.

I have been surrounded by people lately that wouldn't suffer the loss of one IQ point if they were beaten briskly about the head with two phones.
When did we all just bend over for the never ending "push one for..."??????

If we were really the macho, independent free thinkers we all think we are we would have refused to deal with any company that tortures it customers in such a sadistic way.

Have you ever got an electric bill so high it made you gag? Have you ever called the electric company to ask for more time because it's just too damn cold for prostitution and a full time office job? Have you ever had to talk to the condescending bitch who has never had a moments trouble paying any bills because either she still lives at home or her husband pays them for her?
Would it be okay if I hit her with a phone just once?

updating

2008-01-15T13:10:00.000-08:00

I regularly forget I have this blog thing and because I have to date maybe two readers who never comment it probably isn't such a big deal.
But I wanted someplace to write about how I feel watching the media murder Britney Spears. Don't get me wrong, I believe Ms Spears holds some responsibility for the tragedy her life has become but I think the media holds their share too.
The problem is I can't blame the media entirely. Mass media is a business. Business means money. Everything they do is all about making the most money possible. The media researches the public and the public announces clearly what the want to read or watch.
The public wants blood, despair, tragedy..all things grotesque.
The media obliges and makes billions.

We haven't evolved at all. The Romans murdered for the entertainment of the masses, mobs watched and cheered at public executions for hundreds of years. All we have changed in 2008 is removing the public execution and exchanging it for public humiliation that lasts and lasts and lasts.
I bet the Britney Spears mob wouldn't mind seeing her execution if they could watch in the privacy of their own home.

What does it say about us as a people that we label the life of a seriously mentally ill young woman entertainment?
When did we get so cut off from reality?
I know, it's when "reality television" became so prevalent. We sat and watched real people acting bizarrely for hours and hours soaking it all up, unable , unwilling to see the wizard behind the curtain writing the lines those "real" people were saying.
We have become so willingly duped we watch something real and don't react to it anymore.
We think "oh, it's just entertainment, attention seeking stars..." We are filling in the blanks with our own imaginations always forgetting this is a real person.

Anyone who has read McCarthy's The Road and still has a brain linked to the real world understood immediately that the future he describes fits perfectly with the behaviour we see every day. Just change the scenario around a bit. You have food and the baying mob of paparazzi has none, how much pressure would it take to move them from a mob to murderers?

Britney is food, for the media barons and the public , how close have we come to finishing our meal? Will we just chew off a limb or two leaving her crippled but alive or are we going to finish the job?

Just by simply stopping your consumption you could maybe walk away with a minimum of blood on your hands but you aren't going to are you? You need to see.

weirdness abounds

2007-12-31T18:51:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!
I don't really get why we celebrate the new year, maybe because we made it through the last one alive?
The holidays always remind me of bad things. Historically I have always had to work new years and I have to say the ICU is damn depressing this time of year. Because most hospitals close the OR for the holidays and most patients get discharged out before the holidays the patients that are left are always the living dead.
The living dead are patients almost always in their late seventies early eighties who were competent enough to say yes to an incredibly complicated, damn dangerous operation. These people always come in to hospital with diabetes that has never been well controlled so they have terrible circulation and usually an open sore or two that hasn't healed for months but they forgot to tell anyone. They have terrible kidney function because their uncontrolled diabetes has ruined the arteries that supply the blood to them.They all smoked for fifty years and have the crappy lungs to prove it.
So, here they are, New Years, stuck on a ventilator with their brand new trach. Dialysis running continuously beside their bed. On the end of the bed is the machine that provides suction to the wound dressings all over their body. Behind the bed are the ten or twenty IV pumps. One is running in a continuous supply of liquid nutrition right into the brand new G-tube. The other nineteen are for the antibiotics the open wounds need, the fluids that the dialysis machine needs to function, the pain medication and the sedation that makes it possible for the patient to tolerate the agony of all those central lines , chest tubes and open wounds and finally the inotropes that are the ONLY thing keeping this patient alive.
Epi, Levo and Vaso the magic triangle of septic survival. A little renal dopamine because no one can agree if it works or not.
The only side effect is they divert all blood supply to the main organs. That means the feet, toes, fingers and hands slowly turn black dying from lack of oxygen and nutrition. Th open wounds can never heal.
Without the inotropes the heart stops, no blood pressure, no life, sure death.
With the inotropes a long, ugly, painful trip that ends the very same way, sure death.
So, they are the living dead.
Their families drift around the bedside worried about ludicrous things. "He likes to sleep on his side" "She needs her hair washed"..all things we know if attempted would probably kill the patient. We know that any small interruption, any wrong move could push this train wreck into the deep abyss. No matter how many meetings, the families refuse to believe, refuse to understand. Blank faced they tell us of miracles, of a caring, attentive God focused only on their loved one. They tell us of stories on CNN and the internet of incredible survival. We tell them Granny isn't a twenty year old professional athlete in perfect health. They don't care.
Then a new patient. Dying but resolute, no machines for me thank you. We all stop, stunned and helpless.
Is this a patient we can help? Finally. We buff and fluff. We send for music and her own comforter and pillows. We send for her minister. We bring chairs, chairs and more chairs. We help her grandchildren up onto her bed so they can all cuddle and cry and say good-bye.
We create a private room where none exists.
We find the right pain medicine that keeps them comfortable but awake and engaged. We agree with all their choices. No more oxygen? That's fine. Hungry? Food is on it's way.
They don't eat but just enjoy the smell of fresh seafood, the scent of the ocean far away.
Then with family all around smoothing the way they pass quietly, painlessly.

After it is over, this amazing strangely joyous passing, we return to the living dead.

Do me one thing for the New Year.... get a living will. If you are over the age of seventy five and have three or more serious medical problems that include heart disease, diabetes, kidney failure and lung disease don't have major high risk surgery. You don't get to live forever okay? No one does. Try for a little dignity instead.
Choose the DNR.
Watching you die piece by bloody rotted piece for months is a crime against me and I don't think you have the right to torment me, my colleagues and your family just because the technology exists to do it.
If you just can't resist that TAA? Make a plan for when we can stop flogging you please and tell every one about it.
The half a million dollars it costs to keep one living dead can be spent on knee and hip replacements for fifty still living.
Thank you.

solidarity?

2007-12-24T17:23:00.000-08:00

So far I have been really supportive of the writers strike. But, not so much today. I am a member of a union and I understand a union has only one power. Solidarity. That means all members must commit to the job action. If you go on strike that means no one with no exceptions can go to work.
I have been seeing over and over the writers union playing with waivers.
How can you be on strike and then say "oh, no, it's okay..we like you so you go ahead and write that show..here is your waiver ".
There are no waivers when you are on strike. The moment management sees you willing to go back to work they can laugh in your face and settle in for a good long wait. Why? because eventually you will hand out enough waivers they can go to court and say we don't have to offer a new contract..these fools are working right now at the old contract level, by choice.
You will have cut your own throat.
Solidarity means it would never cross your mind to ask for a waiver because you know that by doing this you are making a huge statement about your lack of commitment to a new contract.

I expect the writers union to cave under the pressure within six weeks because a quarter of their membership couldn't care less about the rest.

Merry Christmas! Hope Santa got you want you wanted or at the very least got you a gift card from the store where you can buy it.

what you should be watching

2007-12-14T12:04:00.000-08:00

Pushing Daisies.
It's the only thing on network television worth watching. It's original, it's breathtakingly beautiful and I don't know any of the actors. Because I have no idea who these people are I can happily believe they are who they say they are.
watch it or I will come to your home.

I am a hater of Christmas. I hate going shopping. I hate buying stupid crap no one will ever use. So I give out gift cards. I get gift cards from the bookstore, the liquor store and the computer store. I think you have the right to buy your own crap you may never use.
Some people think gift cards are impolite and to those people I say..shut up and stop being such greedy pigs. Anyone who has the audacity to complain about receiving a present needs a beating.
I don't care if it's a crappy present you never wanted..it's a present you selfish, thoughtless jerk.

To Miss Manners and her greedy crew
Because you are so obsessed with getting you think you have the right to judge the value and motives behind the gifts you receive. This tells the world you are a shameless gift whore and the only punishment for that is NO PRESENTS FOR YOU. I think if you get nothing for Christmas maybe the next time someone buys you anything you will be appreciative and deeply thankful. If you get a gift card you will say thank you and buy something you wanted. Then you will take a picture of that purchase and you will send it with your thank you card..wont you?

Christmas really brings out the worst in some people. heh

mumblings

2007-12-06T14:12:00.000-08:00

What do you do when your kid grows up and leaves home? I am baffled by the transition. All I can think is this kid can't remember to do laundry or pick clothes off the floor, has no idea where money comes from...has never paid a bill..ever.
I have tried to teach this. Over and over. Through example and threats and yelling. Somehow it's all bounced off.
I don't want to be faced with a thousand dollar VISA bill and unpaid rent. I don't want to be responsible anymore.
As a parent do you ever get to be free of fixing disasters? Is there a certain birthday they reach and voila! it's no longer your problem?
Probably not.

Honestly, my kid is a good one, with good intentions. Just a little blind to reality. Willfully, stubbornly blind.

There is a lull in the cold war here at home as the renovations are nearing an end. I have no excuse for taking on a project I knew was too finicky to ever be completed without bloodshed. I must have been drunk when I agreed to it. I blame every home reno show I have ever watched. Especially Mike Holmes. He makes it all look so damn easy. The joys of editing out all the fuckups. There is never a moment when Mike gets silicone all over the floor, toilet and some in his eye is there? Mike doesn't break the corners off drywall and then curse for an hour. Maybe he does but we never get to see it.
How about running out of paint halfway through and then buying what you thought was the same damn white but the new "white" is really more buttery then the stuff already on the wall and now the room is two tone and holy shit here comes the cursing again.
How about sanding down the grout only to discover grout should never be sanded because the dust gives you cancer?
I knew this reno was going to kill me and now I know how.

divorce dust

2007-11-21T16:07:00.000-08:00

No shit
Never renovate anything by yourself. It will only lead to tears, recriminations and no running water for a week.
I hate camping, in fact I still have post traumatic stress from a childhood of camping. I have no interest in using a bucket for a toilet and boiling water to bathe.
Hire a contractor. Even if he robs you blind and burns your house down you're still better off than doing it yourself.
I need to lay down.

yes or no

2007-11-05T12:52:00.000-08:00

So I wanted this product and I called to order it. The conversation began like this:
me: Hi, I want to buy your product.
them: well, let me tell you all about it.
me: no thanks, I have already researched. I just want to go ahead and buy.
them: well first, it is the number one greatest thing ever created and it can save the world and
me: listen I already know..can I buy it?
them:I will send you a brochure that describes it's wondrous beauty and amazing functualability.
me: first I don't think that's the right word and second I already have the brochure. Let me talk to your boss.
them: you can't.
me: can't what?
them: talk to my boss.
me: why not?
them: it's not our procedure. You have to email.
me: listen carefully, I want to BUY right know. I have my credit card in my hand. Do you want me to call your competitor?
them: Do what you want..click.

This has happened three times with three different companies.
They have no interest in listening. They want you to listen to them. Twenty minutes later after they have read you their entire pitch only then will they let you buy their shit.

I am not buying anything right now and I urge all Canadians to do the same. A full month of refusing to buy will force these pricks to correct the prices. I am willing to pay a fair price and that is it.
I am even willing to reschedule my Christmas giving.
Everyone will get a gift card and they can use it when the prices drop.
So fuck you Chapters.
and all the rest of you retail assholes.

To my favorite football team Reading,
Holy crap. Can you get your asses in gear please. I don't want to be disloyal but you guys kind of suck right now. I know you have had a lot of injuries and bad things keep happening and blah, blah, excusecakes......get over it. You're all better now ..So start playing like it.
To my second favorite Tottenham,
I like Berbatov and Keane. Stop throwing Jenus in there. he sucks. If you have to? add Dafoe.
If you keep screwing around Berba will be gone in January and you will be relegated. I won't have an ounce of sympathy.

To all the Presidential hopefuls on the Democrat side,
You all look like assholes ganging up on Hilary. It makes you look weak and stupid. If you are so lost for creative ideas you have to play a kindergarten game of she has cooties it hardly makes you Presidential material..unless George Bush is your role model.
Grow up and look around for your balls. Oh wait, Hilary has them already.

here I sit

2007-11-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

The worlds worst typist at her brand new (to me) massive desk...for freeeeee! heh.
Well in the world of free stuff from craigslist the flow has dried up. There is still lots of free stuff don't get me wrong.It's just I already have what they are giving away. I am pretty happy with it too.
So Bush vetoed the health care bill and now he has vetoed the water bill. Strange that the only legislation this guy allows through are bills directly related to his own very personal war.
Sad that the senate and the congress are all gutless assholes. Doesn't it just warm the hearts of all of us to know your next President will be one of those gutless assholes.
I do have to say thank you to the US. Your massive debt, your idiotic credit system and it's subsequent collapse have all created a wonderfully strong Canadian dollar. You can now thank Canada for coming over the border and buying shit. In three months time when all our prices equalize you wont even have that anymore. I suggest you mention that crushing debt next time you see a candidate kissing babies.
You may also mention that Canada, your largest trading partner, has found lots of new friends to play and trade with. What happens to the US when it's largest trading partner decides it can get a better deal with much more honest people somewhere else? It's dollar collapses. The world cashes in it's US bonds.
To attack a country you don't have to throw bombs at it you know. Sometimes it's much smarter to just stop playing with them.
It's just like highschool!
Something George Bush missed being drunk off his ass between cheerleader practices.

free all the time

2007-10-25T21:15:00.000-07:00

Did you know you can redo your entire bathroom for free? Why yes you can..that is the power and magic of Craigslist.
Now if I could just find someone to tile for free. If I wanted to strip naked a guy will install laminate flooring for me in barter. Well, in theory. He hasn't seen me naked so I may not get a finished floor.
My dirty little dream is actually to have Mike Holmes of Holmes on Homes fame redo my bathroom. That man makes remodeling strangely satisfying , full of justice and all bad guys will be punished. Though in this case I would be the bad guy..I may have to rethink this.

Ever have someone email you and their email is so strange you can't figure out how to reply without sounding really pissed off? I hate emails. You can figure out exactly what people mean face to face but poorly written emails are always fraught with miscommunication.
But do you just ignore it?
Passive aggressive is probably the best route don't you think?

addiction

2007-10-21T16:55:00.000-07:00

Excuse for the week. I have no time to post long boring essays on the state of the world when Craigslist exists.
I am on a mission to furnish my home for free and maybe get new kitchen cupboards and, and and...oh hell
I think I may need a sponsor and a meeting.
I love my brand new to me couch though.
The idea that other people have cool stuff they don't want and will give away for free gives me hope for the future.

I am lazy ass

2007-10-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I forgot..the dog ate my posts..
I just don't have anything left to say. It all feels a bit hopeless. Al Gore wins a Nobel Prize and CNN talks over his speech about how An Inconvenient Truth was just full of errors. Missing the point entirely. The world is on fire and everybody is bitching about who set the fire, no one is talking about putting the damn fire out. So, really..what is there to write about?
That the media is full of shit? Politicians are full of shit?
Hell right here at home we elected a government on the basis of that other party wants Muslims to have tax payer funded schools. And we can't have that right? Oh, except if you're a Catholic. Best to support pedophiles is it?
Not a peep about poverty or the environment..who cares.

What has really stopped me is my health and my lack of a plan, well I get a ton of prescriptions filled but that ain't a plan that's just sedation so the patient..me.. wont be awake enough to notice no one has a plan.
I am planless therefore I am irritable and prone to yelling at the Bell ExpressVu people who are abject morons.
To the Rogers girl who insisted I already had cable when anyone with two brain cells to rub together knows we can't please find a job where you never have to speak to another human being ever again.
Oh yes I am pissed.
And to Telus : the answer is fuck you. When the contract phone dies don't offer a brand new contract as if that is somehow a huuggge favour and then say we have to pay full price for a new phone. That is not "a really great deal" you assholes.

I have to stop before I start uttering threats and get dragged off by the RCMP.
And to spell check, give me a break and get some cultural knowledge. Other countries spell differently, get over yourself.

okay so I take it back

2007-08-29T17:35:00.000-07:00

For the last few years I was almost gleeful about global warming. I can't help it, I live in Canada and it gets damn cold here. But, enough already. It's too damn hot.
Every time I lean back in my chair I become glued there.
I really have nothing else interesting to say.
Not that anything I have ever said previously was interesting but this heat has turned my brain to sludge.
I am weaning myself off Flip that House. The housing market has become so awful I just feel too sorry for them as they hemorrhage mortgage payments because they can't find anyone to buy their reno's.
I am also sick of tile and granite and hardwood floors. Are people really that boring?
Don't answer that, of course they are.

what your doctor is really thinking

2007-07-26T23:09:00.000-07:00

I read a lot of blogs written by doctors. It's a fascinating read. I understand now why US doctors are in such trouble. There are laws in the US that state that anyone who goes to the ER must receive treatment. Now in theory that sounds wonderful right?
There are three kinds of people that go to the ER: Medicare/Medicaid, HMO or other insured and the uninsured. Medicare/Medicaid have set reimbursement rates. Your ER doc can treat you for an acute MI(heart attack) that can take four or five hours and use incredibly expensive medications and even more costly interventions.
The doc will then bill Medicaid. Say he bills $5000 for the whole thing.. well Medicaid/Medicare can reimburse them as little as $500 for the complete care of a heart attack. HMO's base their reimbursement rates on Medicare/Medicaid reimbursement rates with a tiny increase. Maybe the doc gets paid $1000. The uninsured get billed the whole $5000 and they are expected to pay it. Of course they never pay so the doc must eat that loss.
Remember most docs are not hospital employees. They work on contract and are bound by fee for service reimbursement. Meaning they don't get paid until the insurance provider pays up.
And we all know how efficient and cheerful insurance companies are. Though most docs will say the government program pays reliably, they also don't pay very much at all.
Can you imagine having to sit around and hope that your pay check will resemble even remotely what you expect?
And that the work that you do no matter how difficult or time consuming will never be reimbursed?
What incentives are there for any doc to keep working in the ER?

Worse George Bush has decided he will veto legislation that continues health coverage for 4.5 million children. George says why should they bother...health care is available to everyone in the US."just go to the emergency room".
Yes, the President of the United States is as dumb as the proverbial rock. There is actually a reason the word EMERGENCY is used when describing the ER. Getting your vaccinations so you can start preschool isn't an emergency but George Bush thinks it's just fine to bring 4.5 million children into the ER for well baby check ups and vaccinations, ear infections and common colds. According to the decider poor people shouldn't get the health care he gets. Even more brilliant? George, in his enviable wisdom didn't bother to figure out who would be responsible for paying for all this brand new "heath care". It has been left unfunded.

It has crossed the minds of hospital administrators who realize their hospitals will sink into bankruptcy if they have to absorb the costs of caring for 47 million uninsured US citizens or uncounted non citizens.
Did it never occur to anyone that hospitals actually have to pay for the supplies and drugs they use? They have to pay the staff that work there. They have to get the money from somewhere right?
Well have a look at your HMO premiums. You are beginning to pay for the new onslaught. HMO's will agree to higher reimbursement rates to keep the hospitals afloat as long as they can jack up the premiums and keep the shareholders happy.
And by the way what kind of sick bastard do you have to be to own shares in a HMO? Making money from disease and death but offering nothing to the suffering.

In Canada we have a same but different problem. We have a set schedule fee for service. It sucks. Which causes family docs to see an army of patients every day so they can pay their mortgage and the office costs. The doc always gets paid, there are no uninsured but the reimbursement ain't much. You aren't going to get rich being a family doc so no one wants to work in primary care. We have a shortage of family docs because it is hard work with not great pay. I do have to qualify this by saying not great pay for them $100,00-$200,000 a year would be hitting the lottery for a lot of us so let's not be all that sad . But we do have to remember docs incur a ridiculous amount of debt going to med school, sometimes up to $100,000. That is one hell of a student loan that has to be repaid.

And to bust the myth about wait times in Canada, they aren't any different than a Medicare/Medicaid patient in the US. Sixty percent of all insured US citizens are covered through these two programs...60%.....They are already enrolled in a Canadian system of health care but everybody pretends it's not. This system has all the same problems we have, waste, fraud, lengthy wait times but we don't have the biggest problem...a majority of US docs refuse to care for patients on Medicaid/Medicare.
So, you have insurance but you can't find a doc willing to look after you so what must you do?
Go to the ER..the President said it was okay.

why Canada is the best country in the world

2007-07-22T21:20:00.000-07:00

The Indo- Canadian community built the most amazing, beautiful ..damn, I hate to say church..place of peace? That sounds way too pretentious. A really cool building where ANYONE can go regardless of faith or ethnicity. It's a place for the contemplation of peace.
They had it hand built, no wood, no steel. Hand carved stone.
It cost 40 million dollars and every dime was private donations. And still? Open to any Canadian.

Think about this for a moment. They don't care what religion you are or even if you don't believe at all. They want to talk about peace, harmony..happiness.

So, while the Catholics are molesting children and the Muslims and Jews are blowing up children here in Canada we are talking to our children about peace and what being a good citizen is all about.
I'll give you a hint. Being a good Canadian citizen is all about trying your best to get along, it's about looking out at the world and offering help and protection.
We don't want anything from you except your happiness and your desire to make your world a safer, happier place for your children.
I wont say Canada is a perfect place despite Micheal Moore's rose coloured glasses. We have some very bad people living here too. We have American immigrants that have brought their violent culture of guns,gangs, drugs and murder with them. We have immigrants that have bought into that violent culture. I have no sympathy for any of these people. After all Canada has free health care, a free public education, welfare and housing, loans available to anyone to go to University. Hell, we have laws in place that state anyone who is eligible for University cannot be denied due to financial hardship.
Being poor in Canada is the equivalent of middle class in ninety percent of the rest of the world.
And yet they still whine they want more, more, more.
I have the urge to send them to Africa for a year, maybe they will be more appreciative of the home they have.
All countries have a tiny minority that can never be satisfied. This minority will always have one excuse after another for why they can't be expected to succeed. I guess having to go to work is just too much to ask for some people.
Happily, so far they are a tiny minority that can and should be marginalized and deported if at all possible.

Canada has great schools, great hospitals...so far we haven't left anyone on the floor of the ER to die of a perforated bowel because they had the audacity to come to the ER three times complaining of agonizing belly pain. We have an extensive safety net that includes welfare and housing , pensions for the elderly and disability payments for the disabled.
We have a four party political system that creates checks and balances. We would never have a King George problem here.
We try to highlight and celebrate our differences instead of dropping them all in a "melting pot" and then attacking them when they don't burn off their different culture fast enough.
We accommodate language here. We understand that English is the most difficult language to learn..well some Chinese can be harder but that's because you have to learn to listen when someone is speaking. Not something we in the west are very good at.
Yes, sometimes we get impatient with the new guys, we wish they would hurry up and figure everything out quickly but we are compassionate too. We know they are trying and it's scary.

I support the war in Afghanistan. I support the work our soldiers are doing. Not because I am some doltish patriot with a flag on my house but because I understand that we have gone there to support and assist a beautiful country. We aren't there in a war on terror like some idiot Bush supporter. WE actually thought about what we were fighting and dying for. Our mission is to help build roads, schools and hospitals. We are there to protect the rights of the people who want these things. We are there to protect the government. To support them until they have enough infrastructure and economy to care for themselves.
We aren't there to peer in caves calling Osama's name. We don't give a shit. But if you slink out of your cave and try to disrupt the lives of the people then we will kick your ass so hard you will either die or slither back into your cave and be thankful you have it.
Afghanistan is Canada's little brother and you should know the shit you can get into when you screw with someone's family.
There will come a time when little brothers grow up and don't need anyone beating the shit out of bullies anymore. Afghanistan, if we in Canada have our way will grow up to be a tough little shit that can and will kick the crap out of anyone or anything that threatens it . Until that day I fully support our soldiers doing the ass kicking. Cowards that can't fight and use sneak bombs? We have bigger bombs and we are more sneaky than even you can imagine, you use a baseball bat? We will use a 2x4 when you are walking out of the toilet.
My advice to anyone trying to stall Afghanistan? Get back to Pakistan, they like you and your crazy shit there.

I also don't believe we are in the same danger England has found itself in. Despite appearances England is not multi cultural. It has marginalized it's immigrant population because England is ridiculously expensive. Everything that means survival; food, clothing, housing is too expensive. In England success is nearly impossible. They have created a massive underclass that has no hope. That makes people bitter as shit. Bitter, poor people are angry and very,very violent.
Allowing too many immigrants when you don't have the economy to support them is a disaster waiting to happen.
Open immigration is a bad, bad thing. Look at France, Germany and England. They should have closed the door but instead they opened it even wider and now? They have a pissed off population.

Canada has a pretty good immigration system. We are the largest country in the world, it used to be the USSR and we all know how that turned out. We have a ton of room except that room? Damn cold in the winter and over run with black flies in summer. We can't get the new immigrants to move north, hell can you blame them? So we pretend half the country doesn't exist and plan our immigration on that. So far it has worked okay. Personally I think no Americans should be allowed into the country and that includes state visits from moronic presidents but since I like Florida in January I guess we have to let a few in to keep the peace.
God knows you Americans can get nasty if you aren't treated like perfect little princesses.
I do wish you would consider building that cool new fence up here but if I know you guys you will make us pay for half and take us to court if we refuse.

I think Canada is a good country. We do the best we can most of the time. We aren't prone to religious fanaticism and so far we haven't had to suffer from a delusional Prime Minister who believes that God speaks to him.
Only in America or Iran do the leaders believe God is whispering in their ear.

what would you do?

2007-07-14T21:36:00.000-07:00

I have this weird re-occurring almost obsessive thought running through my head lately. It started after SARS.
For any nurse that was forced to work during the SARS incident thinking about the end of the world comes naturally.
The idea that the world could be suddenly and violently depopulated seemed very real and painfully close.
The idea of a sudden depopulation actually made me cheerful.
Of course I have a thousand caveats. All my family and friends would be immune.
All doctors, nurses , tech guys and engineers would also be immune.
Farmers would be immune.
I want good health care, great food, running water, sanitation and electricity. I don't want to have to go camping after the apocalypse.
It would be nice to have a clean start. I would like to see all the animals of the world get a second chance, to creep away from the edge of extinction.
I would like to see the concrete world eaten away by vegetation and thick, lush forests.

It would also be nice to never have to pay for another damn thing with cash. I would rather pay with sweat.

Maybe with the collapse of civilization television would disappear and with it any knowledge of what other countries are doing. Then we could all stop obsessing and stop dropping bombs on our suspected enemies.

Of course with my luck the only other survivors would be born again Christians and fundamentalist Muslims and they would end up lobbing nuclear weapons over their fences finishing off the rest of us.

Could you even imagine how pissed off a radical Christian would get if they survived the end of the world and no God showed up with four horsemen?

So much for a new eden...........

malpractice

2007-07-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

I don't use that word lightly. As a health care professional hearing the word makes me sick with dread.
Sometimes it's true though.
A few months ago I hurt my back, again. Because I have already had one surgery and have had a re occurrence of pain I knew I couldn't ignore this new injury.
So I went to my family doctor. I had to wait three days for an appointment. My family doctor started some new drugs and then called my neurologist. I waited three weeks to see the neurologist. He is a lovely man and a fine doctor. His response? None. No recommendations, no treatment plan. I asked to see my neurosurgeon.
Six weeks later..six weeks ..I got a phone call to tell me my neurosurgeon was no longer seeing spine patients, he was semi-retired. He passed me along to a co-worker. This guy avoided all calls for another two weeks. Finally I went into the office. His secretary told me she had no idea when I could get an appointment as this guy carried his appointment book with him and "wouldn't let her know when he was free".
So I went home.
A week later I got a call from my first neurosurgeons secretary. I was now to see another guy.
The very next day.
So I went. He was about twenty five. Obviously right out of fellowship. Worse he was a dick that didn't bother to read my chart and had no idea why I was there. He did a full exam without realizing I had no current MRI.
Oh, you guessed it...six weeks later I got my MRI. I have called this idiots office three times. I can't get a follow up appointment. His secretary tells me he likes to do his follow ups on the goddamn phone.
Does he tell his brain tumour patients they are going to die over the phone too? Shit, I wouldn't put it past him.
So, I called my neurologist and begged his secretary to have him please read my damn MRI.

I am sitting here waiting to find out if there is a surgical fix for this mess I am in.
This idiot neurosurgeon was so fucking cheerful about not needing surgery. I told him if there is no surgical fix then I am living a life sentence of unremitting pain. There is not one fucking good thing about being non-operable and any idiot with an ounce of compassion would know this.

I know I don't have something awful like cancer or something emergent like a bleeding aneurysm but holy shit I am still entitled to care. It shouldn't take four months to find out whether my back can be fixed or it can't.
The radiologist reads the MRI and generates a report. All the idiots have to is read and then call me.
This would take about three minutes.
I guess the fact that I cannot sit or stand for more than thirty minutes at a time and the fact that I fall a lot and break skull and toes is meaningless.
Will it be so meaningless when I fall and hurt myself so badly I need round the clock care and I sue your ass for malpractice for the limit of your policy?
Malpractice covers not only active care , it covers the lack of care.

Right now my care is "here, take some of these pills and shut up, no one wants to hear it".

What happened to continuity of care? If my neurosurgeon who had previously performed a completely successful surgery hadn't gone into semi retirement would I have had a better experience?
Who knows? But it doesn't really matter cause I am stuck with the dregs and it's malpractice.

oh hell

2007-06-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

Paris? Is anyone watching her? Really?
Why?
It's a serious question. Why?

I get that it's human nature to stop and stare at a car wreck but even the worst of us clicks awake and moves on.
Why are we all collectively staring at this forever?

I blame the loss of manners in the Western world.
Once upon a time our parents taught us to sit quietly, speak when spoken to, don't make a fuss, respect other people by not staring at them or breaking their stuff, stealing is wrong........all the basics that keep society running.
Somehow we , the collective we, have chucked the rules and embraced grossness.
It seems every time I get on an elevator someone has farted, public bathrooms are shrines to piss on the floor and a turd hanging over the bowl. No one washes their hands anymore.
Little old ladies will cheerfully call you a fucking bitch if you don't get the mall door open fast enough.
Please and thank you have become so rare I get a double take and an embarrassed smile.

I am no paragon of politeness but holy shit I know enough to stop fucking STARING at a car wreck.

Find your damn manners and start ignoring the fuck ups of other people. Surprise! they are human , now stop it already and move your damn car.

nostalgia

2007-06-14T22:47:00.000-07:00

Google can be a tool for good and evil. Once in awhile I feel a little evil. I wander around looking at old boyfriends. Yes, I am not alone. But what freaks me out is my old boyfriends appear to have been set in stone. They never moved. They are living exactly where I left them. Me, on the other hand I have moved, conservative guess ,about thirty times. In fact I have moved to other countries.
They have not.
Did I know they would remain stodgy, starchy, chained to their place? Maybe I guessed at it and ran.
My past boyfriends were all nice guys. I never got beat , insulted or humiliated. They loved me kindly, with care. That didn't stop me from kicking them to the curb.
I think I must have known they would never leave the life they were living.
Because I was raised by psychotic wolves all I knew was I had to escape. I tried escaping through these kind men but their escape was just another trap and any mammal can smell a trap, even if it's laced with honey and hugs.
I want to feel bad for these men that never left . The same phone number for twenty years? The same cramped one bedroom apartment? Familiarity can be a comforting thing but it can also cause stagnation. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they rejoice in the sameness of their days. Same friends, same bar, same bowling alley......oh god, how fucking boring does your life have to get?
I wish them well anyway. They were good, cheerful men.

David Beckham

2007-06-08T16:18:00.000-07:00

I love David Beckham.
I have always loved Beckham. I am not an ungrateful petulant England fan that decided David needed to be dropped over the side after the World Cup. I watched England in the World Cup. The only player that actually tried was Beckham. Frank Lampard and Steven Gerard should have been dropped immediately. They played liked dogs, sick dogs.
Why Beckham was vilified will remain a mystery to me but I do know England fans always demand a live sacrifice when they lose. I guess this new manager thought dumping Beckham and making Terry captain would somehow rejuvenate the team.
Not so much eh?
I love, love, love the fact that Beckham had to be recalled for England to win. Beckham set up two goals. The players should thank Beckham every damn day for being so damned gracious and not telling them all to fuck off.
Beckham handled his firing with class and grace. He handled it like a good man. He handled his return with even more grace.
If it had been me? Oh dear, someone would have got at least one I told you so. I am not all that classy.
I hope Beckham and Real Madrid win La Liga. I want Beckham to leave Spain with another title. I want people to know that Beckham is the best dead ball player that has ever lived.
I also want England to fucking apologize.
It would be even better if Sir Alec would suck it up and admit letting Beckham go from Manchester was , in the history of football, the dumbest managerial moment ever.

Watching Beckham take a free kick is like watching a surgeon, a ballet dancer...grace and lethal precision.I wish he would have taken one right off Sir Alec's forehead on the way out.

I don't give a shit about David's money or his skinny wife or where he lives.
I watch Beckham because he is really, scary good at what he does. And that's football.

England will succeed because Beckham is there, give him back his captain's armband and let's get this show on the road.
Better yet fire that idiot manager.
How can a team filled with the "superstars" of the premiership play so badly?
Well, their manager couldn't lead a group sing along, forget about a football team. Beckham can lead, and he will. Apologies to John Terry, I like the guy well enough but he had his shot and it was a miserable failure.
I am happy David's back.
It's time everyone stopped blaming him for England's failures , take a good look at the rest of the team..Do we really need two midfielders that do exactly the same damn thing? Could that be a problem?
Ya think?

Congratulations to our wonderful Team Canada on their win!!!
I would be so happy to see Canada finally make the World Cup. Having a real Football club in Toronto is the first step but what we really need is some support from Canadians.
Wake up!!!! Support your team.
Hockey's over, you lost. Try footie, it's just like hockey but without the ice, the skates and all the damn padding. When someone challenges you in football there are no pads to protect you.
If you enjoy vicious hits that lead to fractured skulls soccer is your game.
C'mon.......the rest of the whole damn world is all about soccer..succumb to the peer pressure.

American =moron

2007-05-25T16:57:00.000-07:00

Scott Adams of Dilbert fame is a moron. This idiot cannot decide if global warming is"real".
He is struggling to decide if it is caused by people or wait for it..the fucking sun.
Now, over time I have come to the realization that this guy is full of shit and arrogance and never hides his frat boy humour but I thought he was marginally intelligent. It never occurred to me that Adams was functionally retarded.
Then I went aha! he is American. Only an American is still struggling with the idea that humans eat a lot of crap that requires massive processing plants that spew smog which actually affects the environment. I guess he never noticed that thick layer of smog over every city.
Only an American can think having millions of cars farting out pollution is harmless.

Let us all spell it out for Scott Adams in terms he can understand.
People, all people are parasites. Parasites are bad. Parasites live off someone else's body. Parasites eat all the good food and leave nothing for their host. Parasites expel their shit all over the host without care. Parasites are stupid. They never think "oh, what if I kill my host?".
Parasites don't care about the damage they do.
Humans are parasites, their host is the Earth.

The Earth has a trick up it's sleeve.......it doesn't care if all the human parasites die either.

So, Scott how about doing a little research on something important? Research on how not to be an arrogant, misogynistic frat boy laughing at boobie jokes.
Once you learn how not to be an insufferable prick you can learn what you can do to stop taking a crap all over the only host available to you.
Recycle your garbage, change your light bulbs, turn the lights out when you leave a room. Buy a newer car. You don't have to go nuts and get a hybrid but buy a car with excellent gas mileage and maintain it. Buy local food..local means your food doesn't require trucking long distances.
Offer fair trade products.Buy groceries that don't have three layers of packaging.
Try to limit your flying, airplanes use massive amounts of carbon based fuel.
If you have some extra money get a solar panel set up. Plant a damn tree. Join a local group that does green space clean ups.
I know you wont do any of these things because you don't care about anyone but yourself but the rest of us? We are doing our part. We have a plan.

You want to see global warming ? Open your damn eyes and look around..oh right you're an American..your view stops at your own damn border.

Americans are the biggest polluters on the planet, the most vicious aggressors, the most corrupt and the most narcissistic. Of course none of you can admit to global warming. That would mean accepting responsibility . As George Bush has shown accepting responsibility for failure is never, ever done.

It is my greatest hope that America gets hurt the worst by global warming.
Karma is a bitch and if anyone had it coming it is America.

Keep your heads in the sand. When you are all bitching about flooding, hurricanes, tornado's and miserable heat remember that fence you are building to lock yourself in.
Remember that you have no friends any where and no one gives a rats ass.

Why am I so surprised? I should have known that anyone that popular and has that much money by drawing a cartoon would be an idiot.
The problem is people read what that idiot writes and feel all warm and fuzzy and reassured once again they aren't doing anything wrong at all.

I wish we could scrape the shit that is America off our shoes...that would solve our climate change problems instantly.

America the boring

2007-05-23T23:20:00.000-07:00

Jordin? really?
Middle America just cannot resist the bland, boring amateur torch singer. Or the karaoke king.
Hell, America went for that soul patrol guy..yes..I cannot for the life of me remember the name of someone crowned American Idol.
In fact I can only name two winners ,Fantasia and Kelly . I remember Fantasia because she could sing but was consumed by a crocodile sometimes known as Clive Davis. I saw them holding hands on a red carpet somewhere...obviously a deal with Satan.
Kelly I know because someone I worked with just loved her.

I can honestly say I liked Blake. I do have to reveal I only watched a few shows waiting for House to come on so I am not an expert or anything. I liked him because he obviously did not give a shit at all about winning. He seemed only to want a chance to further a career that was already building.
I like people that aren't interested in the opinions of other people.

I still can't understand a word Paula Abdul says.

Iraq

2007-05-18T21:29:00.000-07:00

I was over reading the Dilbert blog. I can't help myself. Yes, sometimes Scott comes across as the most misogynistic person alive but sometimes he says something that resonates.
Today he offered up one way to end the war in Iraq. Get people to stop enlisting.
It sounds like a good idea but it's actually dumb.
The never ending myth that poverty stricken teenagers are the only enlistees is false. Most who serve are well educated, experienced men and women. There are pilots, engineers, mechanics, nurses and doctors. Computer experts, intelligence officers, professional drivers....how about the service people who manage aircraft carriers?
People choose the military because the boats and jets are there. The cool computer applications live there. Some of the best trauma surgeons in the world learned their craft in the military.
Enlisting is what some people have dreamed of since they were little.

Solving the Iraq mess is not something anyone is really all that interested in doing. Sure there is some whining and muttering but no one is all that upset are they?
They cheerfully re-elected Bush right?

I am not a fan of conspiracy theories but I read an interesting essay a little while back. I wish I could remember the author but my memory is shoddy. Anyway, this author thought that we have been completely hoodwinked over Iraq. He states that Bush has no intention of "winning" in Iraq. In fact it is the hope of this group that the war never ends. The theory is as long as Iraq is fighting itself and the Americans the extremists have a place to go and die. The theory is Iran, Syria and eventually Saudi will get drawn into the conflict and then they will all be fighting each other. This creates even more opportunity for the extremists to die. Really Iraq is a sacrifice to keep terrorism off American soil.
The other benefit of this battle in the middle east is it will force other countries to take up the fight freeing the Americans to leave.

America could, if it wanted to, end the fighting in Iraq. It would take the full force to do it but it could be done. But why stop it? Better to keep the fighting "over there".

I predict that in a years time America will have dropped the troop level and will be encouraging all parties to jump in and end the violence. In two years time the troop level will drop again and they will be called advisors. In three years time all but a handful will be out of Iraq.
The war wont change, the fatalities wont change but I can bet the message will change to "Iraq is standing up so we are standing down". Of course there will be no evidence to support any of that but the American public will lap it up. Americans are incredibly stupid and the majority will believe anything the media tells them to believe.
If Fox news tells them the war is over and America won they will celebrate despite every other news channel showing car bombs exploding all over Iraq.

In fact that is the only way to get out of Iraq. Declare victory and dare anyone to say they lost.
The medium is the message.

television for masochists

2007-05-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

It's season finale night!!!!!
Holy crap they all sucked horribly.

Let us start with the Mcassholes of Greys Anatomy. What kind of ultimate dick tells his bride to be moments away from walking down the aisle that she really doesn't want to get married. Really ass? Are you psychic or are you such an arrogant dick you think you have all the answers? How can a mature intelligent woman put up with this crap? The condescension is so thick in this episode it made me turn the channel.
And worse this jerk abandons his bride to be , leaving her to pay the bills on an apartment she will have no interest in living in. Nice.
Did it occur to any of the writers that this character would not have put on a wedding dress if she really didn't want to get married? Oh, right, the women of Greys Anatomy are all simpering idiots with no self esteem desperate for a man, any man.

I am so happy Meredith punted that jerk McWhiny passive aggressive. Mr "if you don't behave like I want you to I will find another bitch to torment and manipulate" and hey! It looks like it's going to be your sister. Oh, fuck me that's so original.
Please cancel this show.

On to CSI. Groan. I really can't.
Why does every season finale need a co-star in peril story line? I understand I am supposed to be upset that Sara is under a car and Grissom is full of angst but last week Grissom was having a wee sleepover with another woman. Am I suppose to believe Grissom wuvs Sara enough that he would tell his co-workers? No I don't believe it.
I don't like the mini killer story line, all my daddy molested me then stopped to molest my baby sister and I got so jealous I pushed her out of a tree so my foster father killed himself to save me cause he was so dumb it seems like a perfect plan to him and I wuv Grissom, he is mine but I hate him too so oh shut up. A cleaning lady driven mad by bleach seemed much more plausible.
And a cliffhanger?
Maybe if we thought that the actress had been fired or quit I could buy into the peril but she has a contract and right now Grissom and Sara are the only characters that actually have a storyline. For all we know the rest of them are vampires that return to their crypt when their shift ends. Except for the Catherine, she goes out gets drunk and gets raped, beat up, or finds ways to exonerate murderers for cash.
I enjoy the fact that someone who works the night shift somehow always arrives at the bar by closing time. Where I work night shift ends at 7 am...no bars are open at 7am. Maybe Vegas bars are twenty four hour affairs but that doesn't solve the daylight issue. It's always night time when Catherine arrives at her bar.
Brass is the only character left to like.

Because I am an extreme masochist I watched the ER finale. Understand that I gave up watching Er a very long time ago so I am way behind on the story lines...oh wait no I am not. Nothing has changed since the first week of this season! Except the addition of some new prick that has all the answers and wants to save the world. Yes, he actually said "I want to save the world". The best surprise was the guy with no legs and his friend bitching out Neela. Blaming someone who wasn't even there because you were so drunk you were on your cellphone when you were crossing a busy street and got hit by a truck is completely rational. Everything else about this finale was banal and boring. Well I am assuming because honestly? I only watched a few minutes here and there. ER is just so damn bad.

So that was finale night and it was everything finales are not supposed to be.

go team!

2007-05-12T23:32:00.000-07:00

I watched the Toronto FC by accident today and am very glad I did. Normally I avoid MLS soccer like the plague. First because they call it soccer which makes me cringe and second they are generally awful. But Toronto played like a real team, as if they were playing a football match. I liked the fights and the goals and the fans.
Football lives and dies by it's fans and I can say the Toronto fans rocked it. They sang, they booed, they stomped and screamed. They brought banners and flags and confetti. I do think the promo seat covers made wonderful projectiles. I especially enjoyed the strategic Frisbee assaults.
I don't think they will be planning that promo again any time soon. Good thing they were soft.
So, Toronto finally scored some goals and won a game. I hope they can keep it up.

Now to reveal something deeply personal and tragic.

I have a pounding sinus headache.
Why is it when you cross the 40 border you start having bizarre afflictions?
I have never had a moments difficulty with my sinus cavities. They have been as far as I know very well behaved so I am stumped over their recent behaviour.
I don't snort anything, I keep a clean house so what the hell?
Here ends the revelation.

Titillating right?

dirty laundry

2007-05-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

This post was inspired? provoked by a series of posts over at Violent Acres.
I like the authors writing style and more often than not I agree with her. I am a little in awe of her leap into intimate writing. I am not talking about discussing the bowel movements of your children or how much your spouse snores. I am talking about revealing exactly what makes you, well, you.
I understand the impulse to throw it all out there beauty and filth entwined but I am Canadian and I find it all a bit horrifying.
I can reveal a layer or two and most likely my opinions reveal more than I want anyone to know but I can't, hell, wont discuss the very bad shit.
Some bloggers will tell you everything. All of it, uncensored.

I hate to say this because I know there is great courage involved in laying your life out there for the likes of me to sniff in judgement but I like authors better when they don't show me the underbelly of their humour.
I am a selfish bitch. I want to be cheerfully entertained. The moment authors give me a peek into their pain I recoil.
I get that the author is a real person and being exposed to a strangers pain is painful for everyone. Not only is it painful it feels manipulative.
V is always the first to point out the manipulation of mommybloggers. Those strange women that parade their children on the Internet discussing incredibly intimate details never thinking once about how this will effect these children in the future.
V mentioned once about how Dooce's daughter is going to react when one of her classmates discovers the old Dooce archives describing her battle with constipation. I can only imagine how this kid is going to be absolutely tortured by her peers the second they figure out her mom is Dooce.
Mommybloggers search for fame and fortune the very same way stage mothers do it with child actors. They prostitute their children.
I wonder when other bloggers whip out their early childhood horror stories aren't they prostituting their pasts for readership?
Is all blogging narcissistic prostitution?
I am selling me to you but why?
And if I don't get the response I want or need do I start dredging up the past?

Do I tell my tale as dramatically as I can to elicit, manipulate a response?

I don't know. All I know is I wish mommybloggers would stop and think before they write out that "cute" story about their toddler peeing on the cat because they had the insight to realize nothing can be deleted from the Internet and no sixteen year old girl wants their entire high school to have full access to their personal lives. I guess I want all other bloggers to think the same way.
No one is as anonymous as they think. Anything written here can be used against you. By your family, your friends, your employers.

Deeply painful life events shouldn't be available for my judgement. Keep some parts of your life your own.
The Internet is not therapeutic. The Internet and it's readership can be hateful little shits.
If you have suffered a trauma no one will respond the way you want.
Your supporters will sympathize in a shallow facile way. Your detractors will call you a liar and make your pain worse.
Why would you set yourself up for this?
Masochism I suppose. At least you are only harming yourself and not your kid.

over achiever

2007-05-04T23:29:00.000-07:00

Are you like me? Crazy over achiever, borderline OCD?
I am cruel as hell in the new game I am playing. I have to confirm and re-confirm that I am in pain. I have medications whose sole purpose is to keep me comfortable. Yet, I stop taking them and I wait. When it becomes literally unbearable I take them.
Why?
I understand clearly that I cannot bend at the waist or I will get a nasty shock and yet? I do it anyway.
I am not a masochist. I hate the pain but if I medicate myself so much I eliminate all pain I feel like a fraud. I walk around afraid someone will point to me and say "Look at her, walking around, there's nothing wrong with her".
This is the problem all nurses and doctors have. Pain has to be present before it can be eliminated but if you eliminate it then it doesn't exist so ..you don't need treatment.
Hence, this little cruel game.
Don't get me wrong, I have a great team. Not one of them would be happy with me withholding my meds. But if I can't feel the pain how will I know if it's worse or hilariously what if I got better and didn't need the drugs but I was taking them anyway?.
The other problem is dealing with other people. Other people have there own ideas about pain.
I have friends that literally have no pain tolerance. They cut a finger and it's straight to the ER. It's a paper cut and they are asking for drugs. I have someone else who I swear to God could take an axe to the head and not even notice the blood dripping into their collar. A complete disregard for pain that is truly awesome to behold .
I fall somewhere in the middle.
Some days you could hit me with the axe and I would blithely wander off...the head injury would cause the wandering off part. Other days I would be crying if you raised the axe handle in my general vicinity and made threatening noises. Most days I ignore it for as long as I can.

Lately my issues have become noticeable.
I have always had a generally invisible injury. Unfortunately neurological failures of a sort have revealed my issues. I stomp walk. I have temporarily I hope lost some of my reflexes. I cannot move my feet in the generally accepted manner. I lift and ..well..stomp. Like your toddlers will do when they are just finding their feet.
I look, I am told, like a Giant crushing villagers under my feet. Stomp, stomp, stomp.
So I now have to explain why I am crushing imaginary villagers to other people.

I hate other people, the people that aren't us. I don't want to explain .
I just want to pretend the villagers really need a good stomping.

I think I may be sad when my nice surgeon fixes my stomping and I go back to being invisible.

edit: I wanted to thank you for the very nice comments aways back. I am sorry Blogger wont process the comment. Yes, I probably did domething wrong.

secrets

2007-04-29T22:20:00.000-07:00

I have a secret. Hell, maybe more than one. I read other peoples blogs all the way from the beginning. I read the archives.
Moments ago I thought that would be the inspiration for a deeply thoughtful and introspective post about family and emotional distance.
But Blogger took too long and I got pissed off.

on being a thoughtless little pig

2007-04-28T15:57:00.000-07:00

I know it's incredibly unoriginal to comment on Alec Baldwins parental meltdown but it made me think about a few things.
I wasn't offended by the comments he made to his daughter. I was offended by the really nasty shit he said about his daughters mother to his daughter.
I am a mother. I will admit to the whole Internet I have said some nasty shit to my kid over the last eighteen years. It wasn't a constant barrage requiring a Dr Phil intervention in the Dr Phil house but maybe five times over the years I got really pissed and said something hurtful. She in return critiqued my parental abilities rather harshly. In other words we had a fight.
Yes, I wish I was a saint that never lost my temper. I wish my kid never lost her temper either. I wish we , oh bullshit. Fighting isn't the end of the world.
Despite what Dr Phil tells you.

So, back to Alec. I don't know him but over the years he has created a certain pattern. I have heard him make some inappropriate comments during interviews, I have read some interviews that in all honesty left me with a pretty negative opinion of the guy. He seems to have a short temper.
I don't think for a second the guy would lift a hand to anyone but I can guarantee he can deliver a blistering rant that will include comments about your level of intellect and your appearance. I don't think anything is out of bounds for Alec in a verbal attack.
And that is a problem.
I get that Alec and his ex-wife are immature assholes that so love drama they have produced a never ending movie called "our divorce, the story of how I came to hate your guts you bitch/bastard".
I get that these two idiots really should never have been allowed to reproduce. Too childish, too dumb.
But they did and now we have to think about this kid. I don't want to think of this kid. I don't know her and it's more than likely I wouldn't like her if I did meet her.
That's not her fault. She is a kid that has learned through her awful parents that manipulation is the only way to operate. I imagine she has become an expert on how to turn the screws on both her parents when she wants her own way.
She can't help it. It's the only thing she knows.
She watches mom manipulating the press, lawyers, judges, friends and family. Dad does the very same thing. The power of this thing can't be ignored.
This kid is now fully involved in the power struggle between these two.
She knows she holds the power.
What she does with it should be interesting.
She will get a chance to go in front of the judge and talk about what she wants.
I have a sneaking suspicion both her parents have embarked on the biggest PR campaign of their lives. It's time to convince an eleven year old that you are the bestest parent in the whole wide world. What eleven year old wouldn't be intoxicated with that kind of manipulative power?

I hope she makes a wise choice but how in the hell can an eleven year do that?

I have grown tired of mothers groups and fathers groups that bleat and whine about their rights. Always they begin with how much they love their babies, then they crash right into how awful their co-parent is and how they are going to fight for their rights. Never do they say I want peace. I want an adult relationship. Never do they say "you know what? this fight is harming my kid, maybe it would be best that I stop dragging my ex and my kids to court every second week to fight over who has to pay for their soccer shoes."
Maybe I will concede the fight and relax.
A fight requires two willing combatants. How about walking away? How about being the mature one?
What is up with parents that fight child support?
I am always shocked when the breadwinner walks away from the marriage taking their income with them and then acting all aggrieved when the court says you need to support your kids.
Do you think a divorce erases human beings?
No, really. Just by the act of divorcing your wife/husband are you divorcing your children?
This is what I see all the time. It happens mostly with men but it is not unheard of in women. A guy divorces his wife. He disappears. He buys a new home and remarries. He has a new family. His other kids are treated like second class citizens. Unwanted by the new spouse.The father hates the reminder of the failed marriage.
The ex goes to court to get child support. The other ex goes to court and lies his ass off. All his assets are hidden under the new spouse. When child support is imposed the ex and new spouse tell everyone how child support is ruining their children's lives. No, not the ex children, the new ones. The "real" kids are being short changed, their lifestyles are being hurt because that rotten ex is stealing all their money, a refrain to everyone who will listen.
The ex kids get to listen to this. They are reminded constantly that if Dad didn't have to pay child support he could have a nicer house, or a better car, the kids could go to Disney World..but they can't because child support is ruining them.
Then the court battle begins. One ex wants to get some money to buy the kids some food and shoes. The other wants an itemized list of exactly how "their" money is spent every day. They believe if they have to pay child support they have a right to count clothes and check the fridge and cupboards. The other ex tells them to piss off so the other goes straight to court to cry that bitch/bastard isn't spending "my money" exactly the way I want them too.

All in front of the children..who they LOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE.
well as long as they don't have to you know, support them or anything.

None of this has anything to do with the kids. Despite the fact that the parents heap blame on them by the very fact that they exist and require feeding.
This is all about two people who should never been married but stupidly did it anyway, two parents that should never have had children but did anyway. two people who are ignorant and immature and are so in love with all the drama and the feeling of self importance that they are more than willing to permanently harm their children in their quest to WIN.

They are thrilled with the harm because then they get to start the fight up again.
You can't win a battle until you have maimed or destroyed everything right?
Winning means the other side is bloody and bowed, ready to announce to the world that you were right and you win.
Congratulations. You win, your kid is a shambolic mess but hey! that's just collateral damage. And anyway it's not my fault, its that other bitch/bastards fault right?

a little edit: I know sometimes you are right, right to your very core. I know that in some very extreme cases a fight to the death in a custody case can ultimately save a kid.But you know what? Your custody case isn't that. Yeah, I know, you believe they are Satan put on earth to make your life a living hell but if you have ever used that statement out loud? That means you are a drama queen.
Child support is NOT a payment you make for the right to visit your kids.
Child support is that part of your income you used to look after your children, just because you don't live in the same house doesn't mean the kids stopped getting hungry.
You don't have a right to tie child support to visitation, either of you.
But if you refuse to feed your kids why are visiting them? Just checking to see how far the starvation has progressed? I don't get it.
If you cheerfully pay your support without whining, bitching and putting stings on every penny you will be amazed at how reasonable your ex becomes.
If you have already screwed up so many times you have your picture on a website? Well, maybe you should just terminate your parental rights and call it day.

ow

2007-04-23T21:21:00.000-07:00

Pain
I have no idea how to define it.
I do know that it has eaten my life. Munch, munch.
Sometimes I pace, sometimes I pinch or pull. Any other sensation is better than the pain one.

Honestly?
I think I have had enough.
I would like to write a little poem about pain

Fuck off
no, really. fuck off

Maybe that's a haiku.

It has been suggested to me that I should give some strangers a couple hundred bucks for the pleasure of reading their books and listening to their tapes so I can learn "medicalized" yoga.
Yes, yoga for us skeptical medical folk.
Once I perfect sitting on a yoga mat and learning to chant "the author of this book, some lady with three names, is a goddess of wisdom" I will be cured dammit.
I have pain dammit, I don't think joining a fucking cult is gonna cure it unless they are serving that damn kool aid again.And, my condition rules out being able to sit on a mat.

It would also help that fellow patients didn't call themselves "volunteers'. How dumb do you have to be to willingly hand over all your cash to some stranger who, by the way YOU NEVER GET TO MEET and then you give up all your free time for the incredible honour of answering the phone and booking more appointments for "the doctor you never get to see".
Maybe they get a cut from the CD sales?

That is the new answer for pain: Acupuncture, Raiki and Yoga. Or five different prescriptions that make you incompetent and drooling, hell you can do both!!
You can do some drooling Yoga after acupuncture the day after Raiki, then swallow fifteen pills and do it again.
Fixing the problem?

Hell, if we did that Big Pharma would fucking collapse.

I want to be fixed. My problem isn't exactly brain surgery here.
All I need is some tweaking here and there.
Maybe I will try a chiropractor next. What's the worst that could happen? Ending up paralyzed for life .
Let's skip the chiro then.
Maybe a psychic?

sympathy vs empathy

2007-04-11T19:47:00.000-07:00

I know some medical bloggers like to discuss medical cases in detail but I like to think about how we deal with patients as people first.
I am as guilty as anyone in labeling patients by their diagnosis but I think on the whole I remember them by personality too. The majority of my patients aren't very nice. They have a very real excuse for being less than good company. They are deeply afraid of everything and I don't blame them.
We fail patients because we fail to educate them. Doctors gloss over the risks.
Hasn't everyone heard the risk of anesthesia speech? The bleeding, stroke, death speech done so quickly you aren't sure you heard it. Then the "oh, don't worry, the risk is only 1%". What does that really mean anyway? The doc says nothing about the pain. They always say it's not bad, hell I have had some surgeons tell patients they won't have any pain at all!
So, the patient wakes up and it hurts. They are terrified cause the doc said it wouldn't hurt but it does so obviously this means they are going to die, immediately. Cue the howling and whining.
This is where I get irritated.
I have been a patient, more than once. I have woke from anesthesia and been in pain. I have never called my nurse a bitch and screamed for the doctor.
Back when I still thought I was super nurse I would try to settle these patients with pain medications and soft words. Now I call the doctor. He makes more than I do, let him get screamed at.
What is endlessly fascinating is the personality change when the doc enters the room. Suddenly the shy grin and the apology for causing trouble. Then the vicious slander shot the nurses way. Always we are incompetent or stupid. I can't tell you how many times an ------- has insulted me so badly I considered litigation.
There are ethnic groups that when they become patients ratchet up the entitlement game to terrifying levels. ------- are the scariest of the bunch. The patient is demanding and rude but the family is always aggressive to the point of threatening and they always hate the nurses and take every opportunity to insult the staff when the doctor is anywhere near.
I wish I could say this is an over generalization but in all my years of nursing I have never had a good experience with an -------- family. I am sure they are fine people outside the doors of the hospital because I know lots of -------. In day to day life you would never, ever suspect what terrors they are capable of.
--------- will actually announce their refusal to open doors or answer phones and will demand that the nurses wander the hospital opening doors as they breeze through them, they eat meals we prepare because they want dinner when they come to visit Grandma . When did this become the nurses problem?
Why should I have to leave the bedside of a critically ill ventilator dependent patient because of some bizarre ritual that is a complete contradiction. If it is somehow illegal for you to drive or use "technology" once a week or all the time why is it just fine to keep your 98 year old great grandmother hooked to a ventilator and a dialysis machine?. Isn't it a bit hypocritical? If this ritual is so damn important maybe we should turn off Grandma's vent over night too. I say if the patient is dependent on that evil technology you can open your own damn door okay?
This is what entitlement creates.
The moment someone said I need you to kow tow to my obscure religious practices we should have said NO.
Nurses and Doctors are busy. We are busy trying to keep people alive.
Listen, if we had one nurse for every two patients? I would say hey! weird religious OCD? No problem. Let me get that door for you but in the real world nurses can have six patients at a time, when their partner has lunch they have twelve patients. The ---- solution is don't let nurses eat. I am not kidding, we have actual complaints about nurses having the gall to go for lunch. Fuck that, I deserve lunch.
It may seem like I am picking on one group but there are a bunch more.
----- families that take over the waiting room wailing and eating huge picnic lunches and acting like it's a family reunion. When restricted to immediate family suddenly the patient has thirty four children, some older that they are. House is right, patients lie, families lie.
The ------ family, oh dear God... always the ex-wife, the new wife and the girlfriend. The children that hate the patient but love the potential drama of all those wives.
I have actually created a visiting timetable to prevent bloodshed. The patient is always an over friendly bear of a guy full of obscene jokes but still funny. A kind guy, you know but not that bright. I guess some women just like the type.
I know patients want us to see them as the individuals they are but what they don't understand is they aren't that special. Everyone belongs to a group. Their behaviour can be predicted because we have seen these groups over and over again.
That is not a bad thing.
It is very helpful to me. I can predict how you are going to behave and I can tailor my care to this. If I know you are an entitlement freak that demands everyone do everything they are told "right now bitch" I am prepared. I used to be shocked, insulted, now I laugh and call the surgeon and hand the family the phone. Let the docs handle them. They hate nurses anyway so get out of the way. It costs you nothing and sometimes it gets the family off your back for ten minutes.

About five percent of my patients make the job worthwhile. They are patient. They speak up right away when something is bothering them instead of stewing for hours until their family gets there and then bursting into tears announcing "that bitch nurse has been trying to kill me". My favorite patients are of course the ones that just want to get on with it. They accept that this whole thing is going to be uncomfortable and upsetting but they suck it up.
They have educated themselves before being operated on so they understand what the process is.

You could skip educating yourself about your illness if you brought kindness and etiquette...I would be willing to help you out if you asked nicely.

You can fill in the blanks yourself, you will be wrong though.

what I really,really want

2007-04-07T16:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes before I fall asleep I plan my dream house in my head.
It's not a McMansion monstrosity that Americans love to build. It's a simple two story red/orange brick..a century farm home. I don't want a kitchen filled with stainless steel or a bathroom covered in travertine.
I do want real hard wood floors. Dog hair is a nightmare to pick up off a carpet.
I really don't want any neighbours. Neighbours seem to be a pain in the ass. I know I should be embracing community and getting back to small time life blah, blah but people are giant assholes.
Narcissism has become cool, the personality trait groomed into these obnoxious brats. I meet people every day and I am no longer shocked by their complete selfishness. It's all about them and hell, if they have to run you off the road or scream obscenities at you that is just fine.
Narcissists can't stand to be ignored, they must create drama and chaos to validate their existence and the thought of having that kind of a neighbour makes me want to start looking for deserted islands.
I want at least a hundred acres separating me from you. It's because I know you are nosy and bored. I know you live to boss everyone around. The idea that some demented old fool can reach for a phone and complain about the colour of someones brick or moan about their lawn makes me itch.
What kind of world is it when old, fat rich people can tell the rest of us what kind of trees we can plant, what colour the shutters will be? These people are idiots with no taste. They love giant empty houses painted in baby poo brown. They have white carpets. A white carpet screams I have no life, no friends; I only care about appearances...white carpet people are sociopathic narcissists.

When did we get so out of control? When did a three bedroom, three bath, master with en suite become the holy grail? People with one child want three bedrooms and a home office. Who are you kidding? You want a computer room to watch porn in private right? We all know you are not working from home when you are a factory worker
Finished basements appear to be a must too. Why? These caves in the ground are always depressing. Worse they are always called "the man room". Filled with a cheap big screen and a lumpy couch. I shudder when I see a bedroom in the basement. I can't think of anything more depressing than being sentenced to live in the hole. Anyone who has ever rented a basement apartment knows this so why the need to dry wall the dreary basement?
Basements have a real function, they hide the furnace, electrics and plumbing. Your laundry room should live down there out of sight. Your laundry can't get depressed from deprivation of sunlight.

Thinking about houses and decorating them is depressing.
Nothing has changed in the climate war because people refuse to choose a smaller, energy efficient home. They refuse to stop buying giant cars that guzzle gas.
I have no hope that we can stop climate change because Americans refuse to change.
Americans are the most wasteful people on the planet. They value nothing and no one except themselves.
I know it's a generalization and I am sure there may exist one or two Americans that are trying to decrease their carbon footprint but the majority of Americans couldn't care less. They want gobs of cash to buy a giant house and a giant car.
A country full of narcissists not giving a shit about the planet because it's more important that they get that three bedroom, three bath, master with en suite energy guzzling McMansion payed for with a credit card.
I think it's time to start building a giant fence to keep the Americans locked in because I know the moment resources start getting a little thin they will start bombing the hell out of the neighbours and stealing their resources to feed their insatiable greed for stuff.
America has already started the third world war over resources. They will never stop bombing the hell out of everyone to meet their oil needs. What happens when the US uses all their water?
Well, they will drain as many of the great lakes as they can of course. They don't care what the effect will be on anyone else.
I see nothing good that can come from America. I think the best thing to do is isolate the US and fence them into their own country.
It's time for the world to put their foot down and tell the US to stop sucking the earth dry of resources and go home and stay there.
The US is not a leader or a role model. China has made a terrible mistake following the American lead. They are polluting and destroying their own country.
That is what the US has taught the rest of the world, be greedy, be thoughtless, kill when it suits you.
The poorest American is a millionaire in some parts of the world. They are poor only in relation to their greedy neighbours. If you have a roof and food to eat you are better off than a third of the world. The ability to buy useless stuff is the stick we use to measure success.

So my little brick house with solar and wind power is just a little a dream because no one wants to spend the money to develop the resources.
Easier to keep building ugly, charmless "open concept" homes for old people so they can show their neighbours the right way to decorate.

what if I don't have a title?

2007-03-31T21:33:00.001-07:00

I mean really, I can't take that kind of pressure. That is why I have avoided uppdating. I can't think of a title.
I have been busy feeding my addiction to DIY shows on the BBC.
I love the British and their bizarre idea of spacious.
Tiny little hobbit homes lovingly described as "a good size".
For squirrels maybe.
And why are the gay men of England so damn flash?
Mysteries I will soon be able to answer..after a few thousands more hours of viewing.

where does all the money go?

2007-03-02T20:42:00.000-08:00

I really wish nursing paid as well as people think. Of course most people think we are saintly creatures that would do this job just because our hearts are overflowing with compassion. Yeah..not really true.
What is weird is I used to be poor. Salvation Army poor and I don't feel any richer despite making a few more thousand a year. It seems any time you start making any money your bills suddenly match your pay..it's magic.
I know I will never own my own home, I know I will never own a new car. I don't really care all that much but I would like to be able to stop worrying about how the hell I am going to pay for this kids future.
When I was ready to go to college my family said great but don't expect us to help. My dad helped some but my mother looked horrified at the thought of giving up a dime.
I couldn't go on as I just didn't have enough money. It took me ten years to go back and by then I was eligible for student loans( my parents combined made waaaay to much money for me to be considered for student loans, a lovely catch 22).
Of course there is nothing more fun than being hounded for repayment by the student loan Nazis.
So I don't want my kid to ever have to worry about paying for an education. I think it's my job as a parent to get my kid to adulthood with a decent enough education so they can get a good job and look after me when I get old and demanding. Also I don't want my kid living in my basement till they are thirty because their debt load is ridiculous.
So, I am making more money sure, but the bills want it all.

I guess if I had a husband that matched my income life would be easier...or maybe my bills would be ecstatic and grow like chia pets on steroids.

I really, really want to win the lottery, any lottery but I am so cheap I wont part with the money to buy a ticket.
How the hell I am going to do this without working overtime around the clock?

Well, enough of that, it will work out because it always works out.
We are relatively kind people, we deserve a break right? Right?

Wouldn't it be nice if I got a raise?
Heh.....

On a completely different note..good lord the Oscars were boring. I like Ellen but she is way too low key. I hate the shove the winner off the stage asap before they even get the speech started. It feels rude. They just won an Oscar and still? No respect.
I was happy to see Pans Labyrinth win a few. I loved that movie beyond reason. I am a sucker for fairy tales with a bitter cruel twist. I remember when I was little all my stories were chilling. Little children abandoned in the woods nearly eaten, vicious stepmothers everywhere.
Bambi's mother dying horribly scarred me for life. Grimm's fairy tales were my favorite so Pans Labyrinth was right up my alley. The subtitles aren't intrusive at all because the narrator does a wonderful job filling in the blanks. It's a damn sad story though so be prepared.
I didn't see any of the others. They seem so formula and boring.

Charles Grodin is still wonderfully funny.

tragedy?

2007-02-23T23:10:00.000-08:00

I have avoided writing anything about Anna Nicole . I guess because it's such a damn sad story that has been repeated over and over. I think everyone that saw Anna knew she was doomed. No one can be that high forever.
Methadone is a damn tricky drug. It is cumulative. That means even if you start with a very small dose it can still kill you three days later. Because you don't break it down and excrete it quickly methadone hangs around a long time and when you take your next dose you are unaware that you have yet to fully process the first dose. It's the third dose that overdoses you and kills you. Even those who have a long history with methadone are still at great risk for overdose if not monitored very closely.
This brings me to what pisses me off the most about Anna's death. Anna had real doctors. She didn't do street drugs, she did prescription drugs. Someone wrote those prescriptions and that someone was a medical doctor. Her doctor appears to be drug dealer with a degree.
The second thing that pisses me off is that nurse. Howard Stern hired around the clock medical help to monitor and care for Anna. I understand she was suicidally depressed, hell who wouldn't be?This women was broken and the nurse that was responsible for keeping Anna alive failed in her duty.
All nurses know about private duty nurses. They are supposed to provide complete care for the patient. They are supposed to stay up all night long and watch their patient.
I don't check my patient at the beginning of my night shift and then wander off to watch TV and then go to bed and when I finally wake up the next morning I go and check my patient before I leave. That is not nursing.
The nurses responsible for caring for Anna should have been monitoring her directly night and day. They should have had intimate knowledge of drug addiction and they should have had an overdose kit at the ready.
Anna got nothing. She should have had ACLS from the moment she was found but the nurse didn't seem to be prepared to begin CPR without help from her husband the paramedic ten minutes away.

The nursing staff should have been prepared for overdose and when I heard that these idiots gave her an ice bath because she had a fever I knew these weren't real nurses.
Any fool knows ice baths during fever can be a disaster as it causes shivering and shivering ratchet ups your temp even higher not to mention why the hell wasn't an ambulance called?
She was horribly ill with a fever of 105, she has fallen the night before her death, was obviously drug addled..why the hell wasn't an ambulance called?
Why was Anna Nicole denied the right to competent and compassionate health care?
Why were these nurses, paramedics and doctors that managed her life so uncaring of the very life they were responsible for?

I can't comment on why Anna did the drugs she did. I only know a doctor gave them to her.
That doctor can take some responsibilty for Anna, the nurses that were clueless about how to care for a suicidally depressed drug addicted new mother should have their licenses revoked.
Every nurse has the right to refuse an assignment if they feel they don't have the experience or training to provide competent care. If those nurses weren't addiction experts with a good psych work history they should never have taken the job. Obviously they had little or no training because a competent RN would have had one look at her and called 911.

I guess the other issue is the media.
I think the fish bowl of celebrity is becoming deadly. More and more you see people begin to collapse under the weight of the cameras.
I guess it must be a horrible push pull, loving the attention but hating the intrusion that makes your life no different than a reality show.
I guess we can't help ourselves..human beings love destruction. There is no finer enjoyment than seeing some ones life shattered on the TV.
Is it because no one has their own life anymore?

Remember that test I talked about awhile back? The one where you go to work and be incessantly cheerful all day? and your co-workers get really irritable about it?
Try being sad and miserable all day...you wont be able to get away from the compassionate hugs.
No one likes happy.

so is this it?

2007-02-14T23:50:00.000-08:00

AHH the smell of a new Blogger..smells just like wet dog.
I have had nothing to say lately. I can't even watch the Daily show anymore. This shit ain't funny at all.
I couldn't seem to grasp how awful the situation had become until today when it became clear that George the raving moron Bush has decided to start grinding the war machine right into Iran.
This guy has lost his mind. He is a megalomaniac but nobody seems to care.
He is in the pre-dictatorship phase.
In a few weeks he will declare war on Iran and then he will re-institute the draft.
I want to believe all hell will break loose but I get the feeling no one will really give a shit. Sure there will be some howls but all it will take is the cry of traitor to shut them up. I mean if you resist you aren't supporting the troops are you? And no one wants to be labelled a troop non supporter.
All these politicians are just parrots for the media. The media announces what is cool and the politicians announce they are all for it a week later.
If the media decided a war in Iran is a good thing the US will go to war. So all Bush has to do is get Fox News to push the war.
Fox News is filled with morons so they will happily tell Americans they are all going to die horribly if they don't support the war.
Then all the politicians will drink the kool aid and announce that the war is a brilliant idea.
Media and power, power and media..they can't live without each other.
What makes me sick is if I know this why don't the politicians? Why can't they resist the bullshit call of the media and think for themselves?
Money and the chance for more power I guess.
Can't ever have too much of either right?
It all makes me ill.

books

2007-01-27T00:42:00.000-08:00

I love books. All books. But sadly I suffer from a terrible attraction to Stephen King, well I used to anyway. I just read his latest. Oh Lord he really has begun to repeat himself . In fact this new book was just a rehash of Rose Madder. The theme was the same but ofcourse the theme is always the same isn't it?
I think back all the way to Carrie in the shower and it's always been the same damn story. At least back then it was fresh.
I literally cannot remember anything about the new book. It was so utterly familiar it could have been any Stephen King book.I actually had to go find the damn book so I could get the title..Lisey's story. Some goofy woman in peril ghost story where there is always a happy ending and the bad guys or things get it in the end.
I am disappointed really or maybe I can take it as a positive? Maybe I am finally too damn adult to hear the same bedtime story over and over.
Or maybe the world is already way to scary to entertain the thought of supernatural savior's waiting patiently to save us all.
King also has a cross fascination with the end of the world except his version always has noble warriors for Good stomping around making the world a better place. I think I am just too cynical to believe the idea that a bunch of red neck Americans would band together in a cheery ethnically diverse groups to reinstate civilization.
It's more likely they would band together with huge weapon caches and blow each other up over who gets the tinned fruit at Walmart.

Congratulations to Bush for managing to stagger through a speech without mangling the language too badly and keeping that ridiculous asshole smirk off his face . What is with this guys inability to wipe that stupid look off his face? Is he really mentally deficient? He actually seems retarded. I heard him trying to explain how a flex fuel works...It was as if he couldn't grasp any of it and was trying mightily to talk himself through it..Out loud..To a room filled with scientists who spend all day working on alternative fuels.

Then I sat through an interview with three seemingly normal Americans who all agreed Bush was just wonderful, smart and funny and an all round brilliant President. All I thought was wow, they aren't kidding when they say the American education system is broken. If these three think Bush is brilliant they must struggle every day with brushing their teeth.

Bush's new plan is to get a few more thousand American teenagers killed and still there are some Americans that say hey, that is a wonderful idea! I mean as long as I don't have to do
anything right?

I think it's too late for Iraq.
I am all for cut and run. Yes, America broke it but so what? Let them do what they do best..Throw money at it for a few years and then forget about it entirely.
Iraqis will either get sick of killing each other or they wont, it's not our problem that these people really enjoy killing. In fact it might be to our advantage to keep them busy whacking each other. Keeps us off the radar.

okay so that's tired

2007-01-19T23:10:00.000-08:00

I am tired.Tired.
But not that kind of tired where you fall asleep instantly.The other kind where you stumble around zombie like moaning I am tired.
This is the question in my head.
If you had a need for a big surgery would you really electively schedule it over Christmas? The kind of surgery if all didn't go well you could, well, die....
Why decide that Christmas would be the perfect time?
It's not like the surgery had to be done, you have lots of time.
I answered no .
Dying at Christmas means your family gets to hate Christmas forever. I mean you can't celebrate can you?
So, why?
Take out the "we don't celebrate Christmas anyway" excuse cause these people ? They all celebrated Christmas last year.
Yeah, I don't get it.
How about waiting okay? Give your family a break.

I want to congratulate President Bush for an incredibly insightful response to the mess in Iraq.
This is what rich people do. They just keep throwing money and servants at problems. It's not their money and hell, it's not their children.What do they care?
It's interesting to me that Americans hold their own children in such low esteem. Cannon fodder? Sure, why not..It's patriotic right?
I like my kid, I am not handing mine over to some ignorant, stupid, rich white guy so he can play war. But I guess Americans think it's just fine.
After seeing the teeming masses on American Idol it does make sense. Wow, America's future sure seems really American. I think voting for Bush would come easy to most of them, just as it did for their parents.
Terrifying.
I do have to say when Simon called that kid a "bushbaby" I cringed pretty hard. I got what he meant , lemurs have large eyes and the kid? Well he suffered from an absence of lower face so yes, his eyes in contrast did look a bit large but damn..leave the kid alone you know? It's not like he wakes up every morning and doesn't notice okay? I hate the personal shit. Comment on crap singing. Leave the fat , big eyes whatever out. These kids , hell kids..They are over twenty.These adults are already unstable enough I don't want to hear about one of them losing their mind in a post office somewhere, especially if I am in the post office.

I have no excuse or explanation for why I watch American Idol. I just do. I enjoy the recaps much more though. Jacob at TWOP does such a great job. No, I don't watch with irony.

Okay , maybe I am tired enough to pass out.

Happy holidays

2006-12-22T22:09:00.000-08:00

Working in a hospital creates some interesting moments. It's Christmas time for me right now but for a lot of the people I work with it's just another week. Over Christmas we close beds and shut down the operating room. We limit everything to emergency only.
I wonder ..Is that really fair?
Some of our doctors aren't Christians or even worse don't celebrate Christmas and yes, I can feel their frustration with this interference in their income. You don't make any money not operating.
We don't close the OR down this long for any other holiday in the year. Passover gets one day.
I love Christmas and I am very glad to get the break but I do wonder how much longer we can demand it.
The resentment rises every year.
I think it's only a matter of time before religious holidays are no longer included in our vacation package.
It's also weird when inevitably you say "have a merry Christmas" to one of your non Christian/non Christmas co-workers. I never know what to do because I have already said it at the very same moment I remember they don't celebrate the same holidays I do. I always feel like an ass, an insensitive ass.
Why ? I guess it's that politically correct straight jacket we all got fitted for in the nineties.
What is wrong with someone who doesn't do the Jesus thing enjoying Christmas too? Nothing wrong with wishing them a happy day right?

I wish we could just blurt out have a merry Christmas and have no one take offense or demand we take those awful fake Christmas trees out of the lobby.

So, I mumble something lame about have a good vacation or ineptly repeat "oh, sorry , Happy New year then" and slink off.
I am left with happy holidays, that painful walmart greeting that means nothing except "look at me not offending your religious affiliation".
The truly weird thing about Christmas is people who like me who have no religious sentiment at all but celebrate anyway.
I ignore or try to anyway the fake birthday aspect because we all know Jesus wasn't born on Christmas day, the church co-opted a pagan winter solstice celebration for their own purposes.
I celebrate it for the idea that for one day a year a lot of people are thinking the very same thing. Let's have some peace, let's be nice to each other and let's eat some good food.
So, to hell with it..Merry Christmas to every one....

heartless

2006-12-18T22:10:00.000-08:00

So, three guys go up the mountain and in all their male testosterone fueled glory summit. Yeah us!
Except all three broke the only rule of mountain climbing.
The rule is to stick to the time you set to leave the mountain.
It takes time to climb a mountain. Every experienced climber makes a timetable and no matter where they are on the mountain they begin their descent at a safe time. Even if that means they don't get to summit. Even if it means all that money they spent on the trip goes to waste.
Because every good climber knows if you don't get off the mountain at the right time you probably aren't getting off the mountain at all.
Everest climbers know this rule. More than a few have died by ignoring it because they wanted, no, needed the glory of the summit.
Mt.Hood is a summer climb. Only the very best winter climbers would attempt it. Most experienced winter climbers would have checked the weather too.

I want to feel something for these men but I don't. I think they were ridiculous and have caused terrible pain and sorrow for their families .
They made a deliberate and reckless choice to climb a mountain in the winter time.
This just a week after the death of a guy whose entire family nearly died along with him in their car on the way home.
I feel tremendous sorrow for Mr Kim and his family because he made an honest mistake, He missed his turn and died for it.
These men threw their lives away on a gamble. They spent large amounts of money, they stole time from their wives and children to go climb a mountain nobody gave a shit about .

They died.

And what is the American response? Twenty four hour news coverage...A saga of hardy heroes blah blah blah bullshit cakes.
These three have put hundreds of lives at stake. Every searcher, rescuer is at risk of dying in an attempt to "save" them. The resources and money being expended to find three bodies on a snow covered mountain would fund a hundred AIDS clinics. A thousand pregnant mothers could be receiving drugs that protect their children from AIDS.
Instead we throw it away on fuel for helicopters and planes.

When is it time to tell reckless people they are on their own? Why can't we get these glory hounds who spout poetry and tell their families fabulous bs about" nearer to God" to sign a waiver that says "if you fall into the shit I hope you brought a shovel cause we aren't rescuing your dumb ass".

Why is it our collective responsibility to save fools from themselves?
These aren't children full of indestructibility and foolish pride, these are grown ass men who made a choice to put their lives at risk.
Where is the obligation?
I have no interest in this story and yet I am made to believe I am some kind of cold hearted monster because I refuse to swallow the movie of the week plot line the media is force feeding me.

Why is it a rich mans hobby creates such angst?

If you have a weekend hobby that involves life and death don't expect me to give a shit when you die. I think you are an idiot, A spoiled brat looking for thrills and chills when you have a family sitting at home waiting for you to put away your toys and grow up.

There is only one hero who got lost in the cold this month. He went looking for help to save his wife and babies . It's what grown men do.

lists

2006-12-16T21:27:00.000-08:00

Let's make a list!
Things that make me want to hit you really hard:
1 When approaching a doc to tell a laundry list of shit that has gone wrong I get the response "oh, not getting enough attention today?"
2 When standing beside doc doc says " I am glad this isn't your patient, you wouldn't leave me alone all day".
When offering an opinion about a situation said doc waves her hand over her back and says "get off my back"
Dear Doc
You aren't half as cute as you think you are. Just because you are a woman and I am a woman doesn't make us friends ..I don't have to put up with shit because it's your passive aggressive expression of "humour".

I bought Christmas presents today and I can honestly say I liked them all. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I was buying for myself. I believe everybody's presents can be shared so why not get things I actually want to share?
That's not selfish it's practical..Right?

I am creakingly tired
I creak.
I watched Ron White tonight and I have to say I was a little disappointed. Too much reliance on dirty. I like some foul jokes. I love Chris Rock. But it has to be used carefully and it has to feel right. Sometimes no other word will work but fuck. Other times fuck is wasted, misused. Fuck should be celebrated. Throwing it away is sucking all it's lovely power.
Soon we will be left only with cunt.
That for me remains the only swear with real power. Roll that over your tongue and you can feel it's power.
It should be used very carefully as it could back fire badly. I love a swear word that still retains the ability to cause a fist fight.

I don't want to fight anymore

2006-12-14T17:30:00.000-08:00

I used to be one of those zealots. The"I can change the world right now dammit" kind of zealot. I used to believe through sheer force of will I could make people do the right thing. Then I missed too much sleep. Being this tired triggered an epiphany. I don't care anymore.
Not the I don't care anymore so I will do a shitty job, spend all my time on the phone or even better doing my BScN homework at the desk while my patients monitor alarms and alarms.
Not that kind. The I don't care anymore I speak of is I don't give a shit what other people are doing or saying. I no longer have an opinion on anything. I give the fastest report in the well not west but east? Okay central.. anyway, my report? Fast.
I then tune out everything else and repeat in a monotone: "put it in the orders".I don't take verbals anymore. I ignore them completely. If it ain't written down I ain't doing it.
That has lead to some interesting times. Docs love verbals. They slide by mumbling under their breath and fully expect you to not only hear but understand and then dictate. Fuck'em I say.
The law of the hospital is if it ain't written down it didn't happen. Ordering drugs ain't my job..no order? Not my problem.
The second part is I will no longer tell the fellow the patients diagnosis or surgery. I know that sounds insane but let me clarify. We have the laziest student docs in the damn world.
I don't know when it happened but our "learning" docs no longer bother to read the chart, they don't carry stethoscopes and they lift word for word the nurses entire assessment straight into their notes. This has lead to some very funny moments.
Sometimes nurses are tired, they get a little confused and can mix up one patient for another..it happens. Usually a nurse will catch it pretty quickly and correct their mistake. But the docs are oblivious. So when rounds start here is the doc announcing to all involved the wrong diagnosis.
What is funny is they will fight to death over it..waving the nursing notes as proof. When asked if they assessed the patient they will lie their ass off.
Maybe that is when I stopped caring about rounds.
It could have been when the staff doc agreed with the fellow about the wrong diagnosis and created an amazing care plan...Except the patient would have died from it.
Or it could have been when the staff doc and the fellow yelled at the nurse for her mistake and accused her of nearly killing the patient.
I mean why should two docs who are too damn lazy to actually assess the patient or read their chart be responsible for the medical treatment of that patient? It's got to be the nurses fault. So I never tell them anything, gotta reduce the threat.

I maybe stopped caring when I read the notes of three different docs having a brutal fight on paper. For those who don't know the progress note in your medical chart is where the docs write about your condition , your past and present treatment and their plan to fix you so you can leave the ICU, one way or another. Docs are passive aggressive by nature towards other docs. They will never confront another doc head on, that's reserved for nursing. Instead they write vicious little progress notes. Each blaming the other for the patients decline.
Surgery will NEVER accept any blame. Just because a surgeon agreed to do a massive open heart surgery on a diabetic, hypertensive, renal failure, dialysis dependent, alzheimers patient with a fifty year history of smoking with COPD on home oxygen doesn't mean it's their fault the patient is refusing to recover.
The surgeon will cheerfully announce "there is nothing wrong with the heart" and stomp around demanding to know why the patient is so sick. The other services all blame the intensivist and infection control blames that nurse who once wore her wedding ring to work and quite possibly, just may have, brought in some kind of bacteria, maybe..But it's her fault.

So now I just step back. I let all the blame bounce off. I know who is responsible. The patient is. Any sensible person who was that sick without surgery should have known surgery was a really bad idea. But they took a shot and it failed.
I wish everyone would stop trying to be the very best. You are patronizing and irritating. Your quest to be the best makes you stupid. All you care about is you and how you feel and how other people will feel about you.
You are very boring.

I am not going to fight anymore because it isn't about you, or me or that other guy..It's about that person laying in the bed. They don't care who is to blame, I have a sneaking suspicion they already know it's probably them so give it a break okay?

I go to work and look after the gambler in the bed. I follow the orders that are written for me. I call the doctor when my patient is not staying within the parameters you, the doctor have written down.I implement any new orders. I speak with the family when you sneak out.I keep the patient clean and comfortable. I keep all my lines and machines in good order. I stay organized and do whatever needs to be done when it needs to be done. I write pages and pages of paperwork. That is my job, that is the job I care about.
All the rest? I couldn't give a damn.
And why you still care baffles me everyday.
Highschool is over kiddies..How about growing the fuck up already?

I am challenged....

2006-12-12T14:48:00.000-08:00

Lord help me I am so challenged. I hate technology. Well. That's not true. Technology hates my guts. I don't know when this happened. I used to be able to touch computers without them sighing quietly and then going dark.
This week I have killed off beds, monitors and other pretty critical machines effortlessly.
Honestly I didn't mean to but maybe I have some superpower. I have the power to send society back into the stone age! Go me!
I am hoping this computer doesn't die, it's my kids and pissed off won't even describe that reaction.

Just a random thought..Dear Dini Petty
No your skin doesn't look great. I don't know who fed you that line of bull but they lied. Put the glasses back on and try some cover up. And get off my TV.
And while I am at it : Sally I don't want to know about your osteo whatever or what your drug company is exploiting your situation. I think you have enough money already, stop the awkward commercials .
Isn't Wilfred Brimley just about the worst spokesman for diabetes you could find? How about hiring someone who doesn't represent all the worst reasons for getting type II diabetes?

Why are commercials so awful?
I see the Geico ones and they are cute and funny. They aren't complicated or arty, they just have a little bit of wit.
Are the people who create commercials shut ins locked into fifties television programming?
If I am forced to watch entertain me dammit or I wont buy your product. I mean it.
I will literally make an effort to NOT buy.....wow I am just full of empty threats..

So as I sit here waiting, waiting, waiting for the arbitrator to decide if we get a new contract the politicians are happily voting themselves a new raise.
Screw you Smitherman you don't deserve a dime. In fact I think all nurses should be given your pay, consider it a Brinks truck just for us.
I cannot wait to vote these assholes out.

I am having real trouble with Christmas. I can't get into it. I have no idea what to get anyone. I am tired of buying shit no one wants. My hard earned cash going to stupid coffee table books and skin care products.
I really want to just give everyone cash. Then you can buy what you want. Put it towards a vacation or a new sweater..See I have no idea what you want...
Gift cards for everyone!!!!!
Some think it's lazy and thoughtless but hey I love them. Give me a gift card for a good bookstore and I will be happy. Instead I get weird sweaters made of some shiny thread with reindeers that goes straight to good will. Then I wonder about what poor homeless person has to wear that sweater and I feel guilty.
Why can't Christmas be about good food and good company? Why do we have to buy crap?

ALL I want for Christmas is a good book and a nice pair of socks, instead I get pj's with cartoon characters two sizes too small...Sigh.

Don't ignore the Tanzania fundraising......

I knew it couldn't last

2006-12-08T19:18:00.000-08:00

I have had a mad run of wonderful patients and families. I am not talking about your generally pleasant completely forgettable here. I am talking about people I could have been friends with, allowed into my house to play with my dog .
Ofcourse it had to end. But why so spectacularly? Why such an asshole sir? No, really why?
I bent over backwards. I gave you whatever you needed. I was your cheerleader. I didn't smack you really hard when you called your wife a bitch and told her to shut the f up.
So why me?
I understand that being sick is scary but there is no need to act like a jerk. Why do you tell me you have no pain and then tell your son you are in agony and that "bitch" wont give me any pain medicine?. Why is the lie worth it? Does it gain sympathy? Does it give you a warm comfy feeling watching your drunk son attempt to complain but his speech is so slurred no one can understand him?
And why would you get really drunk and then come visit Dad in the ICU?

I really didn't like you at all.
You ruined my happy streak and I think that sucks.

I did love your neighbour. He was horrified by you and your family and that made me feel a little better. It's nice to know that most of our patients are pretty normal people resisting the urge to hurl obscenities.
Wow, I really have lowered my standards when all I need is the absence of the word mother fucker to affirm my belief in humanity.

Do you think I'm that stupid?

2006-12-01T22:16:00.000-08:00

Being a Canadian is sometimes painful and embarrassing. Watching the Liberal leadership convention was a cringe fest. Dorky, socially retarded white guys mumbling about a "new" liberal party blah, blah bullshit.
The liberals robbed us. They brazenly stole millions of dollars and they actually believe if they throw up a new leader we will forget what a disaster they were.
The federal liberal party was the worst example of graft we have ever experienced and I refuse to vote for them again. It is doubly insulting that Bob Rae is running. That bastard ruined more nursing careers than SARS. He arrogantly assumed that because he had tons of money to fall back on all the nurses did too. They went years without a contract and worse had to give back any gains they had made in the past. Nurses and teachers were the whipping boys of the NDP government.
The public was told we were service workers..Doing everything we do out of love.
This has been the bullshit nurses have had to live with for years.
People assume because we clean puke and poop we must be saintly creatures. We aren't. We are highly skilled, highly educated professionals that care for well and sick people. The Florence Nightingale myth has always been bull and I am sick of it.
I want to be treated like a professional. Professionals get paid for their services. You don't want to pay that's your problem but you will pay for that choice . Imagine a hospital with no nursing staff. I hope you have a big family willing to care for you twenty four seven. I hope they have a clear understanding of critical care medicine.
The public likes to make a grandiose statement about how valuable nurses are but when we ask to get paid what we are worth we get cursed out by that raging asshole George Smitherman, a complete joke of a human being.
George Smitherman and Bob Rae are prime examples of why no nurse would ever vote Liberal. George announced to a meeting of nurses that we were whiners, waiting for a Brinks truck every morning He used obscenities when describing nursing requesting a new contract.
We have been without a contract for almost a year and the arbitrator shows no signs of getting to work.
When our contract goes to arbitration we have no choice but to accept it. All our flimsy benefits could be stripped and we would be helpless. Nurses are forbidden by law to strike or impose any job action. We can work to rule but without a contract what rules are there?
We are being constantly harassed about being sick. One sick day and we have to produce a note from the doctor and report to Occupational health . It's harassment.
Nurses make less than municipal workers. Your garbage man makes way more than me. Is that right?
Don't I have the right to fair pay? Or is it because the majority of nurses are women and it's discrimination on a huge scale?. I think it's because we are women fighting a Hospital Association filled with old, white men. These guys have been arrogant asshole doctors for years and there is no way in hell they will ever recognize nurses as professionals.
To think of us as equals whose work may be different but equally important and necessary makes this bunch laugh in derision.
In fifteen years the majority of all nurses working in Canada will have hit retirement age. Most nurses are taking early retirement. Meaning in ten years we could lose twenty five percent of all nursing. It has become obvious that no one really wants to be a nurse and enrollment is down severely, worse we can't find qualified instructors as most have retired or moved into management.
So, very few new nurses and hell who can blame them? Four years of University and a starting wage of twenty dollars an hour and a lifetime of shift work. Who can live on that and pay back thousands of dollars in loans? The housekeeping staff makes more than a first year nurse.

How can we make nursing a palatable career when you will never make enough to ever own your own home? Never get to buy a new car? Hell, you have to get married and double your income to enjoy any of the benefits of incredibly hard work.
Sometimes I think the public only cares about nursing when they become patients and then only to complain constantly about how they didn't get what they wanted the very second they demanded it. They refuse to acknowledge that the workload is unmanageable and in their selfishness they would rather complain then work to help make the hospital a safer place by adding more nursing staff.
If your hospital experience was trying call your government and demand change.
Demand more nurses.
If nurses didn't have to care for five or six patients at a time you would get better care. If some patients didn't hog the complete attention of the nurse through selfishness and obnoxiousness the other patients would get some quality time too.

All I can say is support nursing, one day it might be you that needs your puke or poop cleaned up and wouldn't it be nice if someone was there to help?
Wouldn't be nice to wake up after open heart surgery and have an incredibly well trained nurse there to manage your recovery? Or would you rather have someone who never got past grade ten and took a two week course?
Your choice, your future.

Please check out the Tanzania fundraising link. It is World AIDS day today..Give a few bucks so this smart kid can go and help out with this epidemic. Come on guys..give a little or at least tell a friend or add a link.

I have become ambivalent about the AIDS situation. I think it is because it has been so many years ago that I witnessed the awful death of an AIDS patient. Now, in the Western world AIDS has become a chronic illness. Patients are sick sometimes but can get better, they live longer and their quality of life has improved. I think we have settled into a kind of awful complacency here.
In Africa the ambivalence is terrifying. They have no excuse. Their AIDS patients still die horribly, treatment is difficult and rare.In Africa an entire generation has been disappeared. Those in their twenties and thirties have died, leaving their children orphans.
When the crack epidemic was at it's height grandparents in the thousands were raising their grandchildren...Africa is the same. Worse because the stigma is so awful some children are abandoned completely creating a generation of child parents. Ten year olds caring for their siblings...finding work so they can feed them, clothe them.
I cannot wrap my head around this. I can only sit in shock. Maybe that is what is wrong, the problem is so damn huge, so overwhelming you can't find a handle for it.
The loss of an entire work force decimates the local economy. The children are at the mercy of whoever walks by. Boys are abducted and forced to become soldiers..cannon fodder for wars they know nothing about. Girl children are forced into prostitution to avoid starving.
The AIDS pandemic is the entire worlds problem. Every lost life reflects on the world..like that butterflys wings. Who knows who we have lost? The child that would have grown up and found the cure for AIDS?
Support anyone who wants to help. Give a little of what you have. You wont miss that mocha latte grand whatever the hell I promise.